"I have seen the acts of greedy men, and I have seen acts of generosity and found them both to be suspect - more or less"
- Rev. Shnorr
Born in 1972 to religious parents, Rev. Shnorr spent the first seventeen years of his life studying the Gospel at The Lord Is Good Church in Chicago. But after graduation he strayed, and spent the next ten years of his life studying sinful behavior first hand. "Too much alcohol, too many women, and not enough of the Spiritual Life was my problem" he has said of those days. "But who better to guide the wayward through the darkness than one who has been Alone and Forsaken on The Lost Highway and now can say I Saw The Light, I Saw The Light, No More Darkness, No More Night, Now I'm So Happy, No Sorrow In Sight, Praise The Lord, I Saw The Light."
In 1991, the wayward young man had an epiphany after a night of sin.
In The Reverend's own words:
I awoke one morning in a parking lot using a curb for a pillow to The Voice. Though at first I thought it was a cop.
"Get up young man," The Voice said. "But don't wake Delores. She annoys me."
"Yes Officer," I mumbled.
"I'm not a cop you idiot. I'm The Almighty Oneness."
"Isn't that the name of that wrestler?" I asked.
"No!" The Voice thundered. "I am the Lord."
"What do you want with me?" I asked. "I'm just a lowly bum. A drunkard. A loser. No better than a cockroach... ah, stop me whenever you want...just chime right in there Lord..."
"Get Thee to a House of Worship!" The Voice rumbled.
I was in shock, not only that the Lord Himself was speaking to me, but that the curb was actually more comfortable than the pillow I slept on the night before at The Camelot Motel. I raised myself up from the gravel, careful not to wake Delores - I didn't want to piss Him off as you can imagine, after all, this Guy can send a plague of locusts at you on a whim. I dusted myself off and began walking through the morning fog searching for a House of Worship. The Voice spoke again.
"Can you speed it up a little. I've got a van full of missionaries in a boiling pot halfway across the planet. I may be omnipresent, but I'm not Superman."
