James - ProfilesArchive

About Me

I'm a funny fuck. Love me, hate me, I don't really care. I have around 300 friends on my list. I don't like most of them, but there are two people who I actually enjoy writing (and if you don't already know it's you, then it's probably not). If I had to describe myself in three words, I'd say Trust Fund Baby. So, I'm not going to be asking you if you want to fucking supersize your order any time soon. Also, I'm not looking for any "good time" from some of you horny, lonely ladies out there. So, there's a zero chance you're getting any real pictures--just get off to the one of Ace Ventura in a tutu. Oh, and there's some stupid person who keeps leaving damn pictures on my site. Don't do that. Yeah, this is the point where most people say "oh, this is just a joke and I'm a real swell guy". Well, I'm fucking not.

My Interests

There have been over 3000 views of my profile, so I'm fucking wondering why people are coming to my site all the time. Not much is fucking changing, and unless you're one of the two people who I actually like on MySpace, I don't want you to fucking come anymore.

I'd like to meet:

Your dad so he can fucking drag your mom out of my bed. I also want to meet that fucker off of Reno 911, Officer Dangle. Now that is a bad-ass mother fucker. Also, my two fav friends from Manhattan on here have to come and hang out at Johnson Family Bar--and you can bring your hippie friends Cait, and I'll bring my sister with the 'stache.

Movies:

Listen you lazy fucks at Comedy Central, you need to make a Reno 911 movie immediately

Television:

RENO 911--Only thing I will watch. Officer Dangle is the best actor on television, that guy should get an Emmy.

Heroes:

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My Blog

LORNY'S HUSBAND

If anyone knows Lorny Pheiffer, please tell her that her husband finally came back from the woods. There was a big stick stuck in his ass when I found him, so I finally managed to pull that out. But, ...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Puddin' Party

What I need: One person to buy puddin' (preferrable someone who can run fast because I don't have a fucking dime) Where I need it: My neighbor Roger has an inflatable pool in his backyard with My Li...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

JOKE 7

Bad Name For your Dog Everybody who has a dog calls it something like "Rover" or "Spot" or "Bruno" But I thought I'd call my dog "Sex." Now my dog, Sex, has been very embarrassing to me. When...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

JOKE 6

Hungry Monkey Mark as unread A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

JOKE 5

Christmas Cards with 2-Year-Old Son Mark as unread When you think you have a bad day, remember this one from a young mother: "I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom an...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Joke 4

Coutry Club Genie keeps 3rd wish for himself Mark as unread A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife sliced ...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Joke 3

Laugh at the Pregnant Lady Mark as unread A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of he...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Joke 2

Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend ...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

JOKE

My son's more successful than yours. Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call. The other three w...
Posted by James on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST