Daniel

I dont get how the "about me" section is different from my bio. I guess I'll just make up more lies. I don't have a job, but I'm always finding change in my jeans so it feels like I'm earning money. And I frequently rob fountains. However, I do not own a tandem bike. I think they are tacky and selfish. I'm not just a comedy person; I'm pretty fuckin' deep. I write music, poetry and feverishly doodle on scrap paper. I cannot physically grow a good set of mutton chops. I am constantly coming up with awesome ideas for things I personally can't do very well- children's books, paintings, movies, websites. Sometimes I feel like life is a predictable routine that gradually numbs our hearts and wears away our will until we seccumb to whatever death is. Sometimes I'm drunk in public. I hate how when you are with your girlfriend, you have to hold in your farts-- sometimes upwards of 40 minutes-- just to be polite. I want a woman who I can fart around. Hell, maybe one day she'll let one rip and we'll both laugh. I think NASCAR is the worst thing in the world. I hate awkward people at parties who say things like "Hey, I saw tou driving the other day!" or "You remind me of someone. Like, you're exactly like them." That's stupid talk. I just bought a Zen garden and I have no idea why. Amsterdam changed my life. My last name is Barber. If you're going to make a haircut joke, save yourself some time and punch yourself in the gut. I work in a Japanese restaurant where the owners speak Korean and the chefs speak Spanish. And you thought you had it bad, Bill Murray and Scarlett Johanssen! If you are still reading this, I am not only surprised, I'm concerned.