you know you are a true clubber if.....1. You take 5 steps into a club and you are already are saying hi to someone
2. Drop, roll, and bump arent really 'physical' movement words in your vocabulary.
3. Youve met someone , hooked up with them, and then somehow became best friends with them over a week.
4. Mayonase, jam, pickles...etc... are not the first things that come to your head when you hear the word 'JAR'.
5. You are, or somone you know is a promoter.
6. You know atleast 10 different guestlist names off the top of your head.
7. You fell in love with somone in one night (thank you e).
8. You already know to have your stuff outta your pockets and jacked open before you get to the bouncer to search you.
9. You know that starting to talk to the bouncer searching you just to bugg him is an easy way to get him to search you less.
10. You know atleast 1 bouncer by name or nickname.
11. Your friend is the one blowing the annoying whistle from across the club.
12. You know what a blinkie light is.
13. You spend ATLEAST 5 hours every friday or sat. night inside an ex-warehouse between '11th ave and the west side highway.'
14. You say one or all of these terms: 'kid' 'no-doubt' 'bro (braa)' 'with a quickness' 'sup (sometimes with 'kid' or 'bro' added directly afterwords)' 'wad up' 'yo yo' 'aight' 'slammin' 'bangin' 'tucca tucca' 'yooooooooo' .
15. Youve lost your bottle cap and it was the end of the world.
16. You have givin out over 20 hugs in one night.
17. You know a girl who was/is a guy.
18. During the week, you cant fall asleep untill round 5am.
19. You know of atleast 5 people who 'juice'.
20. You ponder why the parking lot attendant charges $30 when the sign says $6.49 all night.I am a promoter at late night empire in las vegas, nevada by way of los angeles. my goal is to either excell in the entertainment industry or save money and begin going to a culinary arts acadamy.
ive done my share of dirt in this life but no more than anyone else. if things in life seem too good to last, they probably are. but u must stay positive. only some things are meant to be forever, and u cant choose them. it lies in fate and karmas hands. just know that the things u say and do are never overlooked.
ive got a lot on my plate right now and im not looking for any drama whores.(people in gen.) love me or hate me, but respect me.
My favorite story by KIM GOODWIN Monday, December 11, 2006
day in the life of a stripper
1) Hey you over there, holding that one dollar bill in your hand with a death grip and waving it around at me like it's the fucking deed to Trump Towers... what the fuck do you want me to do, grow another pussy?!? It's a fuckin' dollar, put it down on the tiprail and blow my world away already.
2) You losers that come into the club for a lapdance with NO underwear or boxers and thin-ass, nylon shorts, so we slip and slide on your hard-on (which always feel like a sharpie pen ~ fine point)...fuck you.
3) You with the thick-ass jeans, this was an impromptu visit, eh?
4) Don't pull my thong up during a dance and ask me if it felt good. IT DOES NOT FEEL GOOD DIPSHIT.
5) Hey you, Loser, the one counting out the 20 bucks in one dollar increments, rubbing your fingers between each one to make sure you are giving me just that one dollar. Yes, you.
6) No I will not just let you "slip it in real quick" for $50 more bucks.
7) Yeah, my tits are real. As real as my affection for you.
8)If you cum in your pants, you have to tip me an extra $100 for being a lame-ass who can cum in their pants from a lapdance.
9) Stop asking me out. You're a smelly, fat loser and the only reason I'm smiling and cooing at you is because I want your money. The fact is I wouldn't fuck with someone else's pussy .
11) Stop bitching at me about the goddamn two drink minimum. First of all, your breath ranks (what'd you have for dinner, garlic and shit?), you're about 172 lbs. overweight, and you look like Jay Leno. More importantly: I don't give a shit.....cheap fucker
12) Don't bitch at me about the $10 non-alchoholic beer either. Hide a bottle of Jack in your coat pocket next time like everyone else does.
13) My horniness is in direct proportion to your income.
14) ''When am I getting off ?''.....When I get home and fuck my boyfriend on top of the pile of cash you just gave me.
15 )Boys, don't sit in the front row with your "homies" and act all engrossed in some deep conversation during a girls performance because you want to look like you're too "cool" to notice the hot, naked girl in front of you. It's a clear sign that you ain't getting any.
16) DON'T SIT IN THE FRONT ROW IF YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TIP. Jesus Tap Dancing Christ !
17) "So what do you guys do when you're on your period?" Answer: How did we get on the subject of my period?
18) did I say you could grab my tits ?
19) SHOWER FIRST, you nasty fuck!
20) I had a feeling you weren't going to tip me, so I took extra care to rub my lip gloss on your collar and wear extra glitter lotion and obnoxious perfume before our dance.
21) Hey cheapasses: please don't come to my work. Just stay home and jack off to "Desperate Housewives" instead. It will save us a both a lot of unpleasantry.
22) Stop asking me why I do this job and try to get all psychologically analytical on me. For the money, you moron, that's why.
23) No seriously, my real name is Sparkle.
24) NO, I will not take a dime sac for payment. I can tell it's oregano anyway you stupid mutherfucker!
25) Sorry, I don't do that. Ask the ugly girl at the bar with the black roots and overbite.
26) I can see it's your first time at a strip club. Let me explain the dynamics to you. If you want a fuck or a blow-job, go to the ugly chicks. Hot girls don't have to do "extra services." I can give you some recommendations for a small fee.
27) It is not okay for you to bounce me on your cock like a baby on a knee. Not okay.
28) Stop complaining about how short the song was. Really....It felt like Stairway to Heaven to me.
29)Yes I will fuck you, but only for 10 grand. More if you're ugly. So basically, more.
30) DO NOT come into the club looking for a girlfriend/date. It's like me going to PETA looking for a steak.
31) Girls--what's with the pole smell? Can we do a little hygiene check? Nothing than worse than twirling around the pole and getting a whiff of stale pussy.
32) Girls--stop lip synching to every god dag word on while on stage. The sign says stripclub not karaoke bar Cheeze whiz .
33) Girls--if your toes curl and hang over your platform shoes a la' Fred Flinstone, you need to go up a size.
34) Girls--drowning yourself in Angel perfume is just as bad if not worse than the BO you're trying to cover. Take a goddamn shower, you smell like lapdance funk.
35) Hey DJ! What ever happened to the days when you boys ''put out''? HUH? Put it on auto pilot and get your ass in the breakroom already.
36)Girls--may I suggest complete sobriety before getting tatted up? Tattoos should be meaningful, or at least semi-meaningful, or at least semi semi-meaningful. That fucking dancing llama on your ass is so lame.
37)Girls--some songs just should not be stripped to. Please. No Disney soundtracks (you know who you are, you fucking weirdo), Sade, Boys II Men, or Bjork. For the love of God, Please .
38) ''Did the Dj call a two for one?'' Oh really , fuck you I ain't on sale !
39) THE BEEEOTCH U LOVE TO HATE.....KIMBERLY/A.K.A STRAWBERRY....REMEMBER UR NEIGHBOR HOOD HOE..DONT ACT BRO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
40) MAN I WOULDNT TOUCH THAT BITCH....ME NEITHER........
HOE GO HOME AND WASH OUT YOUR BEAVER..
(THAT ONE IZ FOR U KEVIN 4-TAY)
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