JONESY!!!

I'd like to meet:

Music:

And so, today, my world, it smiles...Your hand in mine, we walk the miles...A-thanks to you, it will be done...for you to me are the only one, alright, yeah Happiness, no more be sad, happiness, I'm glad... I've got big balls...I've got big balls...And they're such big balls...Dirty big balls...And he's got big balls...And she's got big balls...But we've got the biggest balls of them all!!! The righteous and the wicked...War and peace... The killing fist, Of the human beast...P.O.P Prodigies Of Peace...Hear me when I'm calling you from my knees...I am playing for a better day She's got a smile that it seems to me...Reminds me of childhood memories, Where everything Was as fresh as the bright blue sky...Now and then when I see her face, she takes me away to that special place...And if I stared too long, I'd probably break down and cry... Now he needs to keep rockin'...He just can't stop...Gotta keep on rockin'...That boy has got to stay on top! And be a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes...He's a juke box hero, got stars in his eyes...Yeah! Juke box hero, got stars in his eyes, With that one guitar...he'll come alive....Come alive tonight!!! Lester Flatt, Earl Scruggs (who I am related to)....and the Foggy Mountain Boys....Great Uncle Earl is the BEST DAMN BANJO PLAYER EVER! She's a killer...queen...gunpowder, gelatine...Dynamite with a lazer beam...Guaranteed to blow your mind (ba ba ba)...Recommended at the price...Insatiable an appetite....wanna try? I keep a close watch on this heart of mine...I keep my eyes wide open all the time...I keep the ends out for the tie that binds...Because you're mine, I walk the line

Movies:

My Lord, the fleet has moved out of lightspeed. Com Scan has detected an energy field protecting an area of the sixth planet of the Hoth System. The field is strong enough to deflect any bombardment...(The Rebels are alerted to our presence. Admiral Ozzel came out of lightspeed too close to the system.)...He felt surprise was wiser...(He is as clumsy as he is stupid. General, prepare your troops for a surface attack.) Yes, my Lord. Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off and his penis... Please put down your weapon. You have 10 seconds to comply. I recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia...threw herself out the window...But...you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs. One...One...One...Two...Two...Two...Three...Tree...Three...F our...Four...Four...Five...Five...Five...So the combination is one, two, three, four, five? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard in my life! The kind of thing an idiot would have on his luggage! Your bed is over here...Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper. Yeah I could. No. Dude, you're a little bitch! I am not! I don't even know why I hang out with you guys, anyway. 'Cause you're a piece of shit. I am not a piece of shit! Yeah, but you're a little bitch. Goddammit! I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times... I'm outta here! I got it. I got it. You do? We'll work up a "Number 6" on 'em. "Number 6"? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one... Well, that's where we go a-ridin' into town, a whampin' and whompin' every livin' thing that moves within an inch of its life. Except the women folks, of course. You spare the women? NAW. We rape the shit out of them at the Number 6 Dance later on. Marvelous! Gene, Gene made a machine, and Joe, Joe made it go. Art, Art blew a fart and blew the whole damn thing apart. What if they're creating an army of them? Holy shit. It must be a conspiracy like in the X-Files... *Roswell* style! This little monkey could be the fuckin' damn dirty ape responsible for the fall of the human race. In this world gone mad, we won't spank the monkey- the monkey will spank us. And after the fall of man, these monkey fucks'll start wearing our clothes and rebuilding the world in their image. Oh and only those as super smart as me will be left alive to bitterly cry - *you maniacs*! Damn yous! Goddamn yous all to hell! I suddenly remembered my Charlemagne. Let my armies be the rocks and the trees and the birds in the sky... Alice, I'm going to ask you a couple of standard questions, okay? Have you or any of your family been diagnosed schizophrenic? Mentally incompetant? My uncle thought he was Saint Jerome. I'd call that a big yes. Uh, are you habitually using drugs? Stimulants? Alcohol? No. No, no. Just asking. Are you, Alice, menstruating right now? What's has that got to do with it? Back off, man. I'm a scientist.

Television:

MILLER has got me hooked on the TRAILOR PARK BOYS....a Canadian "reality tv" series...kinda like Reno 911.....BUBBLES IS MY HOMEBOY!!! My Name is Earl might just be one of the best written, most thought out TV shows I have EVER seen!!! I LOVE the Office!!! Such a funny assed show, Dwight is my homeboy!!! Polk High School sensation. Scored 4 Touchdowns in a single game. Founder of the Anti-Feminist Organization "No Ma'am".....Al Bundy!!! Hello, Carl, I am Ignignot, and this is Ur. (I am Ur!) We are Mooninites from the inner core of the Moon. (You said it right!) Our race is hundreds of years beyond yours. (Man, you hear what he's sayin'?) Some would say that the Earth is "our" moon. ("We're" the Moon!) I absolutely love Pardon the Interruption! WHO YA GOT!!! Did my boy Jack Abbott kill Carmen Mesta? I highly fucking doubt it! He's too busy taking over companies and fucking with VICTOR NEWMAN to kill that cooze! Damn the Military Channel is spesh ~ the perfect remedy for all of the "armchair dictators" out there (like me!)

Books:

THE PRINCE by NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI ~ Now this guy's got style. Star Wars: Heir to the Empire by Timothy Zahn (my favorite SW book ever!) Star Wars: Traitor (part of the New Jedi Order series....very deep book) Good News by Edward Abbey (thank you Kerns for getting me into Abbey, very spesh author)

Heroes:

To be that man, you've got to beat the man. Woooo! I'm definitely a Howard Stern fan now, what a show! Beats the dogshit out of Johnboy and Billy! Infantry must move forward to close with the enemy. It must shoot in order to move…. To halt under fire is folly. To halt under fire and not fire back is suicide. Officers must set the example. (General George S. Patton, Jr.) If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter. (George Washington) You must study to be frank with the world: frankness is the child of honesty and courage. Say just what you mean to do on every occasion, and take it for granted that you mean to do right. (Robert E. Lee) Aww, look at this hat, this looks aweful! When you buy this hat, do you get a free bowl of soup? Oh, but it looks good on you though (rolls eyes).