Ediee

MY NAME IS EDIEE.
I HAVE RED HAIR.
I HAVE GREEN EYES.
I WEAR GLASSES SINCE I FOUND OUT -
I'M ALLERGIC TO CONTACTS.
I'M SINGLE & I'M CONTENT IN STAYING THIS WAY -
FOR TWO HALVES TO MAKE A WHOLE-
THEY HAVE TO FIRST BE WHOLE WITHIN THEMSELVES.
I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN -
I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS &
THEY HAVE PLENTY OF KIDS,
SO I MEET MY QUOTA ON
LOVING & SOCIALIZING WITH THEM EACH MONTH
I'M NOT SELFISH,
I ACCEPT THAT I'M EMOTIONALLY UNBALANCED
AND HAVING CHILDREN WILL NOT MAKE MY LIFE
COMPLETE OR HAPPY!
SO I CHOOSE NOT TO RAISE A KID
WHO WILL END UP GETTING "FUCKED"
BY HAVING ME AS A PARENT -
AND BY BEING RAISED IN THIS PATHETIC & POORLY RUN SOCIETY!
I WAS IN THE DELIVERY ROOM
& WATCHED ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS
GIVE BIRTH A FEW YEARS AGO
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL & AMAZING -
IT WAS ALSO PROOF ENOUGH FOR ME
I NEEDED AN EPIDURAL JUST TO BE IN THE ROOM - OUCH!
I HATE PAIN IT'S SUCH A WASTE OF TIME.
THE SITE OF BLOOD MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.
WATCHING PEOPLE SUFFER FROM AN ILLNESS THAT -
THERE'S NO CURE FOR PISSES ME OFF!
THEY CAN FIND A WAY TO FIX ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION -
BUT NOT FIND A CURE FOR CANCER - SO LAME!
I'M KNOWN FOR BEING VERY GIVING,
TO THE POINT OF GETTING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF
I'M IN THE PROCESS OF CHANGING THAT!
I'M KIND & FUNNY, LOYAL, SARCASTIC, AND -
EXTREMELY QUICK WITTED!
DON'T CONFUSE ANY OF THAT WITH WEAKNESS
I'LL KICK YOUR ASS -
WITH WITH MY EVIL, DAGGER SHOOTING GLARE
IF YOU CROSS ME OR ACT LIKE A PUNK ASS!
I BATTLE WITH MY WEIGHT, I HAVE SINCE I WAS A KID.
I HAVE TAKEN JUST ABOUT EVERY DIET PILL &
BEEN ON ALMOST EVERY DIET PLAN THERE IS -
I'VE TALKED WITH AND FOLLOWED THE ADVICE OF
DR'S, THERAPIST'S, PERSONAL TRAINER'S
& SELF HELP GURU'S...
NOTHING HAS WORKED FOR ME SO FAR!
JUST BECAUSE I'M FAT & MY ISSUE IN LIFE IS ON THE OUTSIDE -
DOES NOT MAKE ME ANY MORE FUCKED UP THEN YOU ARE!
MY WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE ME -
SO - DO NOT JUDGE ME!!
I WILL NEVER OFFICIALLY GROW UP - NEVER HAPPEN!
I WILL NEVER TELL YOU MY REAL AGE!
SO UNLESS YOU'VE KNOWN ME FOR A LONG TIME
OR ARE EMPLOYED BY THE GOVERNMENT OR MILITARY
YOU'RE SHIT OUTTA LUCK!
I'M A LEADER 100% OF THE TIME -
AND 50% OF THE TIME IT'S TOUGH -
BUT THINGS ALWAYS SEEM TO WORK OUT -
AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE MY LIFE FOR ANYTHING!
I AM CONSTANTLY LEARNING AND GROWING.
I'M STILL TRYING TO DECIDE IF MY GLASS
IS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY
OR IF I JUST DRANK IT!
I HAVE TRUE & DEEP BOND'S WITH MY "BESTIES"
AND JUST BECAUSE I DON'T SEE THEM
OR TALK TO THEM EVERY DAY
DOES NOT MEAN THAT I DON'T HAVE
THEIR BACK & VICE VERSA!
I CAN'T STAND WHINERS, POOR SPORTSMANSHIP -
NEGATIVE ATTITUDES OR CRY BABIES!
LIARS, CHEATERS, & PEOPLE WHO STEAL ARE PATHETIC -
GET OVER YOURSELF!
EVERYONE IN THE WORLD HAS SOME KIND -
OF DYSFUNCTION - PERIOD!
I THINK ANYONE WHO WANTS TO GET MARRIED
SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO,
FUCK THE GOVERNMENT GETTING INVOLVED! -
THOSE BASTARDS THINK THEY CAN CONTROL EVERYTHING!
STATISTICS SAY 80% OF MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE -
IN MY OPINION THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CREATE
LOYAL, COMMITTED & SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
ANYMORE ARE IN THE GAY COMMUNITY!
SO LET THEM GET MARRIED ALREADY!
WEED SHOULD BE LEGALIZED - YESTERDAY!!
I THINK ALL POLITICIANS & SPORTS PLAYERS ARE OVER PAID! -
AND MOST OF THEM ARE COCKY, SELF-IMPORTANT JACKASSES!
ALL TEACHERS ARE UNDERPAID & THAT SHOULD CHANGE!
GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL & HAPPENING RIGHT NOW -
SO RECYCLE DAMN IT & GO GREEN!
TERRORITS SUCK -
I HOPE IT'S WORTH SPENDING ETERNITY IN HELL!
BOMBING FOR PEACE IS LIKE FUCKING FOR VIRGINITY -
SENSELESS & IGNORANT!
EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE
WHATEVER RELIGION THEY WANT TO PRACTICE -
OR NOT PRACTICE AT ALL -
ALONG WITH THOSE RIGHTS COMES -
SHUTTING THE HELL UP
AND NOT TRYING TO INFLUENCE OR BRAIN WASH
OTHER PEOPLE TO JOIN YOU!
I CAN NOT STAND YELLOW OR DIRTY TEETH!
WHO WANTS TO KISS SOMEONE WITH YUCK MOUTH?
SO GROSS!
FYI - IT TAKES VERY LITTLE MONEY TO HAVE GOOD ORAL HYGIENE.
FLOSS YOUR TEETH!
I FLOSS 2-3 TIMES A DAY & THE RESULTS ARE SO WORTH IT!
I CAN'T STAND DIRTY FINGER OR TOE NAILS.
HAVE PRIDE IN YOURSELF!
I FEEL THE MEANING OF "I LOVE YOU"
THESE DAYS REALLY MEANS "I WANT TO FUCK YOU"
LOVE AT FIRST SITE - WRONG ANSWER!
HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT?
LUST AT FIRST SITE - BINGO!
I LOVE TATTOOS & I HAVE SEVERAL MYSELF
BUT I'M BEGINNING TO FIND IT INTRIGUING -
IMPRESSIVE & SELF CONFIDENT OF SOMEONE
WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE ANY!
TOO MANY FACIAL PIERCINGS PISS ME OFF -
IF YOU'RE THAT NEEDY OF ATTENTION
BUY A DOG THEY'LL LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY
REGARDLESS OF HOW STUPID YOU LOOK OR BEHAVE!
I CAN'T STAND CODEPENDANT PEOPLE -
YOU HAD YOUR OWN IDENTITY & OPINIONS
BEFORE YOU GOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP - HOLD ON TIGHT TO THEM.
CHANGE FOR NO ONE - BUT YOURSELF!
DON'T BLAME OTHERS FOR HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT SITUATIONS -
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN FEELINGS & ACTIONS!
I DON'T LIKE PpL wHo TyPe LykE Diz.
I CAN'T STAND IT WHEN PEOPLE SAY "LIKE" - "UMM"
OR "YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING" EVERY OTHER WORD -
IT SOUNDS UNEDUCATED!
I BELIEVE IN GHOSTS - SPIRITS - MEDIUMS -
PSYCHICS - CLAIRVOYANTS AND ANYTHING RELATED
TO THE PARANORMAL - YOU WOULD TOO IF YOU WERE ME!
I HATE BEING CALLED "HUN" "BABE" OR "DEAR"
BY COMPLETE STRANGERS IN A CONDESCENDING MANNER!
I HATE PEOPLE WHO MERGE ONTO THE FREEWAY @ 30 MPH!
THERE'S TOO MANY PEOPLE LIVING IN S. CALIFORNIA
I HOPE TO BE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
AND MOVE TO SEATTLE WITHIN THE NEXT 5 YEARS.
I LOVE MY MOMMIE - SHE'S MY HERO!
& THE CLOSEST THING TO A PERFECT PARENT I'VE EVER SEEN!
I LOVE MY FAMILY - NEAR & FAR!
I LOVE MY BESTIES - THEY KNOW WHO THEY ARE!
I LOVE MY GYPSIE! (KITTY)
I LOVE MUSIC! - IT GIVES ME PURPOSE!
I LOVE ELVIS PRESLEY - HE IS THE KING & ALWAYS WILL BE!
I LOVE LISA MARIE PRESLEY - HER LYRICS SPEAK VOLUMES!
I LOVE MY IPOD - IT'S ALMOST FULL!
I LOVE ITUNES - IT'S MY DRUG OF CHOICE!
I LOVE MY TIVO!
I LOVE PIXAR ANIMATION!
I LOVE MY SATELLITE RADIO!
I LOVE MY DIGITAL CAMERA!
I'M A PICTURE TAKING WHORE - SO WATCH OUT!
I LOVE MAC - SMASHBOX - TOO FACED & PHILOSOPHY COSMETICS!
I LOVE GOING TO GET WEEKLY MANI & PEDI'S!
I LOVE EXPENSIVE PERFUME -
THE CHEAP STUFF GIVES ME A HEADACHE!
FOR EXAMPLE THE SMELL OF PATCHOULI OIL = NASTY!
I LOVE MY TIFFANY & CO. COLLECTION!
I LOVE MY SHOE & HANDBAG COLLECTIONS!
I LOVE MY VINTAGE HAT & RING COLLECTIONS!
I LOVE JEWELRY & I OWN WAY TOO MUCH -
BUT I DARE YOU TO STOP ME FROM BUYING SOMETHING NEW!
I LOVE HELLO KITTY - WINNIE THE POOH -
HOLLY HOBBIE & TINKER BELL!
I LOVE TO READ - I READ A NEW BOOK ALMOST EVERY WEEK.
I LOVE MAGAZINES - PEOPLE - VANITY FAIR
AND INSTYLE ARE A MUST.
NEWSPAPER INK ON MY HANDS GROSSES ME OUT.
I LOVE VIDEO GAMES FROM THE 80'S -
ATARI IS MY FAV. - ASTEROIDS - SPACE INVADERS
PONG - FROGGER - PAC MAN & DUCK HUNT!
I LOVE GOING TO CONCERTS - PLAYS - MUSICALS
& DINNER THEATRE'S - I GO TO AT LEAST ONE A MONTH!
I LOVE CIRQUE DE SOLEIL - I'VE BEEN TO SEE
ALMOST EVERY SHOW THEY HAVE!
I LOVE SEEDY KARAOKE BARS!
I LOVE MOTORCYCLES - ESPECIALLY HARLEY-DAVIDSON!
I TRAVEL SOMEWHERE NEW EVERY YEAR.
I LOVE ICE SCULPTURES.
I LOVE SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH GENUINE PEOPLE
I'M IN AWE OF PEOPLE WHO ARE NATURALLY FUNNY &
ANYONE THAT CAN DRAW OR PAINT - IT AMAZES ME!
I LOVE CLEVER PUNS!
I LOVE DISNEYLAND - ESPECIALLY IN THE RAIN -
BUT - I HATE THE STROLLERS!
I LOVE RAIN & I LOVE SNOW.
I LOVE WINTER TIME - I WISH WE HAD WINTER IN THE OC.
I LOVE MOONLIGHT SHINING IN MY WINDOWS.
I LOVE THE SMELL OF A FIRE PLACE.
I LOVE ANY REASON TO DRINK HOT COCOA - YUM!
I LOVE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS -
THAT LEAVE ME FEELING OPTIMISTIC ABOUT LIFE!
I LOVE MY COLLECTION OF CUTE HATS - GLOVES & SCARVES -
MY MOM'S BEEN KNITTING ME A SCARF IN EVERY COLOR!
I HATE BEING HOT & SWEATY.
I LOVE SWIMMING - IN A POOL - NOT THE OCEAN -ICK!
I'LL ONLY SWIM IN THE OCEAN OUTSIDE OF THE U.S.
I LOVE WEEKEND ROAD TRIPS.
I LOVE THE SMELL OF EXPENSIVE CIGARS.
I LOVE CHERRY CREAM SODA IN A GLASS BOTTLE
BUT I DRINK DIET COKE INSTEAD BECAUSE IT'S GUILT FREE.
I LOVE DIET ROCKSTAR - IT'S LIKE LIQUID SWEET TARTS.
I LOVE BELLINI'S AND MOJITO'S - I MASTERED THE ART OF
CREATING THEM WHILE BARTENDING.
A WELL MADE JACK & COKE IS A GIRL'S BEST FRIEND.
I LOVE PELLET ICE - IT'S FUN!
I LOVE SUNFLOWER SEEDS!
I LOVE PECAN PIE!
I LOVE FUNNEL CAKES & LOVE MAKING THEM!
I LOVE GUM - I ALWAYS HAVE SOME & LOVE TO SHARE.
I LOVE ICE CREAM - IT'S SEXY WHEN EATEN SLOWLY.
I LOVE MAKING HOMEMADE ICE CREAM IN THE SUMMER.
I LOVE GELATO & MY GELATO MACHINE IS GOOD TIMES!
I LOVE FRUIT - PEARS - PEACHES - HONEY DEW -
BLACKBERRIES - PINEAPPLE - BOYSENBERRIES
& GRAPES ARE MY FAVORITE!
I LOVE WARM BEIGNETS PAIRED WITH A CINNAMON VANILLA LATTE.
I LOVE MAKING AND EATING CUPCAKES!
I LOVE SPRINKLES RED VELVET CUPCAKES -
I LOVE FROSTED CUPCAKERY RED VELVET CUPCAKES -
RED VELVET CAKE REMINDS ME OF MY FAMILY IN TEXAS.
SOUTHERN FOOD - FRIED CHICKEN & CATFISH, HUSH PUPPIES
& CORN BREAD & OF COURSE SWEET TEA ARE A WEAKNESS OF MINE.
I LOVE - LOVE - LOVE CHEESE!
I LOVE FRESH CHEESE PIZZA.
EAST COAST PIZZA IS THE BEST -
MY COUSINS GOT ME HOOKED THE LAST TIME I VISITED N.Y.
MY MOM RAISED ME TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
A NEW YORK BAGEL AND ANYTHING ELSE
& NOTHING COMPARES TO THE REAL THING!
I LOVE HOMEMADE CINNAMON ROLLS AND HOMEMADE BREAD.
I LOVE FRESH WARM KETTLE CORN.
I LOVE FONDUE & CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN MACHINES.
I LOVE CHIPOTLE & TACO SURF.
I LOVE BBQ.
I LOVE LA FONDUE - CHEESECAKE FACTORY - P.F CHANG'S -
TSUNAMI'S - VILLA NOVA - DUKE'S & THE STINKING ROSE.
I'M ALLERGIC TO SHELLFISH - WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE
THEY'RE BOTTOM FEEDERS & MOST FISH SMELLS
DISGUSTING.
MY FAVORITE COLOR'S ARE SAGE GREEN & BUBBLE GUM PINK.
MY FAVORITE NUMBER IS 4.
MY FAVORITE GEMSTONE IS EMERALD - AND SINCE I'M
A MAY BABY IT'S MY BIRTHSTONE - YAY FOR ME!
I LOVE SHAPES - THE SQUARE & SPHERE ARE MY FAVORITE -
I'M INTERESTED IN STUDYING THE ORIGIN OF THEM.
I LOVE FLOWER'S SOME OF MY FAV'S ARE DAISY'S -
LILAC'S - DAFFODILS - PLUMERIA - PEONIES -
AND LILY OF THE VALLEY IS MY NUMBER 1 FAVORITE.
I LOVE THINGS THAT SMELL YUMMY -
WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY I HAVE SO MANY DIFFERENT TYPES
OF PERFUME & LOTION THAT I COULD MOISTURIZE A SMALL CITY!
I LOVE BUBBLE BATHS WITH LOTS OF CANDLES.
I LOVE TARGET - ESPECIALLY A BRAND NEW ONE!
I HATE WALMART - YOU HAVE TO BRIBE ME TO GO THERE!
I LOVE SHOPPING AT LUSH & BASIN -
Z GALLERIE & POTTERY BARN.
I SPEND WAY TOO MANY HOURS IN WILLIAMS SONOMA.
I LOVE EAST COAST RETAIL STORES & WISH THERE WAS A
LORD & TAYLOR ON THE WEST COAST!
...MORE NONSENSICAL BANTER TO COME!