LA WOMAN profile picture

LA WOMAN

All you need in this world is a dirty mind and someone to share it with...

About Me


Hello. There is so much I’d like to tell you. I am a hopeless romantic who believes that romance is dead. Falling for me is easy. Sex is simple, it’s the love after that stings. I travel around a lot, but I was born and raised in Los Angeles and I will always be a Cali Girl at heart. I was born late and I’ve been late since. I’m a procrastinator beyond belief and, more times than not, will forget to call you back. I live for the moment—which tends to get me in trouble. The only thing I can make in the kitchen in a mess...and several small fires. I am very passionate about writing, although I don’t do it enough. When you first meet me, you will find that I am pretty quiet…but once you get to know me you will realize that I am actually really loud. I tend to have a lot of profound or dirty thoughts running thru my head. I’d like to think I am good with advice, but if I can’t think of anything nice to say, it will probably be a sarcastic comment. I think I have to disagree with the notion that we learn something new everyday. I've had several days in a row where I hadn't learned anything and even forgotten some things. I come from a large Italian family, so if you can speak the language, you will win my heart. I’m the person who will burst out laughing in dead silence about something that happened yesterday. Sometimes I daydream about living in the 1920’s and Cary Grant being my lover. I enjoy watching people trip. Being cold sucks, but I do it often. I cuss like a female sailor. Tattoos are sexy and I am in love with them. I love all of my friends and they are hold a dear place in my heart. I believe this is truer than anything: Faut souffrir pour être belle (Is necessary to suffer to be beautiful). I have learned that if you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you won’t live longer…it just seems like it. If you ask me what my favorite feature is, I will say my eyes. But I really mean my boobs. I usually have no idea what is going on, but I’m still excited. And to quote the amazing Miss Marilyn Monroe, Beneath the make-up and behind the smile, I’m just a girl who wishes for the world.
One day I read smoking was bad so I stopped smoking.
One day I read drinking was bad so I stopped drinking.
One day I read that sex was bad so I stopped reading.
Oh Baby, let's not park here.
Oh Baby, let's not park.
Oh Baby, let's not.
Oh Baby, let's.
Oh Baby.
Oh.

My Interests



I'd like to meet:

Anyone fun preferably with really fantastic hair and a nice ass.

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you're even around in the holiday's hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night? Or rather the ones I would never call in my own soberness yet upon drunken consideration call without hesitation?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you went too far this time

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin, prior to going to sleep/passing out face down on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn), the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you,
Your Biggest Fan
~ME

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing

Tickle Me Pink - Typical
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPvoAvmPNMw

Music:



Movies:

I ♥ movies.

Television:



Books:



Heroes:


Charles Barile

Marilyn Monroe

Jim Morrison

Steve Tyler

Heath Ledger

Who I Wanna Be

My Blog

The Best Toy

...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Fri, 04 Apr 2008 09:17:00 PST

Barile, Italy

Barile, Italy. Where my family has been from since the 1400’s!
Posted by LA WOMAN on Fri, 14 Mar 2008 05:43:00 PST

Beauty Is Deadly...

http://www.sliceoflifetv.com/index.php?id=4f189055Shit dude...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Sun, 09 Mar 2008 10:11:00 PST

Captain Morgan

...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Wed, 14 Nov 2007 08:44:00 PST

AMAZING ARTICLE.

Knowing someone caresDSU student posted phone number online; got callsMADISON - It can be a lonely feeling when the phone doesn't ring.And even though, yes, you could pick up the phone and call someon...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Sun, 07 Oct 2007 12:36:00 PST

OH MAN!

...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Fri, 13 Apr 2007 09:45:00 PST

Where have all the lighters gone?

Last week I attended a fabulous concert, thanks to by fabulous brother. It was really good. Snow Patrol. OKGO. And some other band. Anyway, there came a slow song. And everyone whipped out their cellu...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Sat, 10 Mar 2007 04:23:00 PST

My Future Ex Husbands

Or my future restraining orders... ;-)My sister once told me that she thought i'd be divorced 5 times in my lifetime...hmm. hah(Hahahahah!)And last but not least....Oh and...I have a weakness for BAMF...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Sat, 20 Jan 2007 12:20:00 PST

Why say NO when it feels so good to say YES.

I wanna know...1. Can you cook?2. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?3. What talent do you wish you had?4. Favorite place?5. Favorite vegetable?6. What was the last book you read?7. Ar...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Thu, 11 Jan 2007 10:26:00 PST

I dare you...

I dare you...to tell me the truth..Four things you wonder about me1.2.3.4.Three things you like about me1.2.3.Two things you don't like about me. Be honest.1.2.My best features1.2.3.Three things you w...
Posted by LA WOMAN on Fri, 05 Jan 2007 07:54:00 PST