JellyApe

----------------------------- Chapter 1, The epic tale begins ---------------------- Many centuries ago there was a young unsigned hero who had to go on a mystic quest to forfill his destiny. The young warrior was once told of a great yam of infinitie knowledge to the max, who had knowledge about creating intresting music. The warrior was told that it was his destiny to meet this yam and must journey across many lands to meet him. So the warrior set off with nothing more than an old gameboy and a donkey. Many years had passed and the warrior had seen many things such as the rise and fall of the nu metal carrots, but he had finally reached his destination of the land of the potatoe like creatures. Unfortunately not being a potatoe like creature he was captured and sent to the colosseum of spelling, being a terrible speller it was extremly lucky that the warrior had acquired his faithful spellchecker goatily in his travels with the swift spelling of some big words the deed was done and king darth vader potatoe head man was impressed and granted them one request. Naturally the warrior requested some frozen yogurt and once they had feasted on frozen yogurt the adventure was back on. Fortunately the frozen yogurt vendor was next door to the great yam of infinite knowledge to the max's bungalow of jamtasticness. The great yam, who prefered to be called yammy the tantalasing gave knowledge of a sacred program by the name of LSDJ which allowed the beholder to creat ones own tunes on their gameboy, at this point the warrior was glad that he brought his gameboy and didn't have to go back for it. The great yam also told of the pleasantness of ukulele and suggested that its a fun instrument to play and the warrior should probably get one however it would be no easy task, as with all things it would sound better put through an effects pedal thus an electro acoustic ukulele was needed. The yam entaled that with these items music of great originality and interestingness could be made and the warrior must journey to the far land of a library to go on the internet and order LSDJ and with that said he vanished to the frozen yogurt place to get a delictable treat. The warrior along with his trusty stead and spell checker set forth to find..... a library.---------------------------------------------------- --------------------------------------- Chapter 2, A fried cornbeef sandwich shall prevail---------------------------- The warrior and his crew journied through many lands in search of library but they always reached one on a wednesday when they were closed and had to continue in search of another as they were under chase from the terrible hamsters of ultimate doom who would surely make the warriors brain into a tasty lasgne. Only one person knew how to destory the hamsters of ultimate doom and that man was more a talking igloo than anything else. Who was solely known as Ed. Ed lived surprisingly in Tokyo as he was an avid gamer, so the warrior journeyed to tokyo. Or so he had hoped, as while is Russia there was a great pancake famine and all men had to make pancakes. 5 years later when Russia's economy has improved the warrior was allowed out of Russia and into Japan. The warrior knew exactly where to go as the tokyo game show was on, so he went there and sure enough Ed was there and very easy to spot, being an igloo. Ed not wanting to talk just play games quickly told the warrior how to destroy the hamsters of ultimate doom as he wanted no distractions. Knowing this piece of valuable information the warrior went to the nearest tescos then waited and waited for the hamsters of ultimate doom to turn up. The hamsters ended up taking 5 days to get there which meant the warrior could of waited at a library and made his quest 5 years shorter. A fight was about to begin, but having been travelling for a very long time the hamsters were hungry and so had dinner first, an excellent dinner of tescos finest jelly and tacos. A battle of which they would only be one survior began, the warrior instantly through lamb gravey all over the hamsters knowing that was there one weakness then kicked each hamster in the balls which made them turn to mango sorbet, and the hamsters where defeated, as the last one turned to sorbet he screamed you may of defeated us but your will never defeat the coconut tree that is protecting the electroacoustic ukulele of rather goodness who lives in the land of the flammable turtle. The warrior considered it rather handy that the hamster bestowed that information upon him and travelled to the nearest library to order LSDJ. 4 weeks later it arrived and quest must continue for the electroacoustic ukulele of rather goodness. ------------------------------------------------------Chapte r 3, Mmmm jelly -------------------------------------- The voyage to the land of the flammable turtle was a long and arduous one as the only way to get there was to take a bus from moosejaw, canada, but after a bit of trouble with a mongolian piemonger the warrior had made it, although he had to trade hes beloved donkey for a tasty tasty pie of truth or the mongolie piemonger was going to make goatily into a pie. once in the splendid land the warrior has to move quickly as the turtles that live there a pyromaniacs and like setting anything on fire and where extremly skilled in the art of throwing things that are on fire. Once the warrior had reached the coconut tree that is protecting the electroacoustic ukulele of rather goodness the warrior was greeted by a regal porcupine who said the warrior must prove his worth by collecting and showing the Boss effects pedal of adeqaute power and not to try and attack him as his needles are deadly poisioness as he found out the hard way when one fell out while shaking the late prince's hand one day. With that the porcupine said head west over the mountain of mucho jelly and shall reach a place by the name of kwaolip there you shall find a retired sumo wrestler who knoes the where abouts of the effects pedal, good day. Unfortunately for the warrior the mountain of mucho jelly has haunted by ghosts that believed they were rolf harris and all that could be heard was the sound of wobble boards the whole way, however the roll down the other side of the mountain was a joy occassion for all and once finished the warrior had a snack of decious jelly as he knew not to eat jelly before rolling down a mountain. Once in kwaolip it was obvious which house was the retired sumo wrestlers as there was only one with a 6ft wide door. He spoke to the sumo wrestler for many a hour as the sumo wrestler wanted to share all his own great feats and quests with the warrior, how he beat up bruce willis and fought with tony blair and godzilla for 2 thousand years. 3 months later once the sumo had run out of storys he finally told of where the boss effects pedal of adequate power was. It was stuck in one of his rolls of fat, but legend has it only the chosen one can pull the effects pedal out and many have come and tried but all have been sucked into the rolls of fat and lost their lives. The warrior knew that if he was to forfill hes destiny he must pull the boss effects pedal of adequate power out of the sumo's rolls of fat, so he must therefore be the one fortold in the prophecy told by the sumo's cousin les. The warrior was about to stick his arm into certain doom when goatily his faithful spellchecker pointed out that it may be better to try and lure the effects pedal out rather than go in, say with a keyboard so they could make sweet music together, so the warrior went to the local music shop and brought a keyboard. The warrior left the keyboard next to the rolls of fat, dimmed the lights and put meatloaf on the radio. After about 4hours and 3 meatloaf songs the effects pedal snuck out of the rolls of fat and quickly whisked the keyboard up and disappeared upstairs where sweet music could be heard all night long, the warrior, goatily, the retired sumo and his cousin les celebrated with a hardcore night in of monopoly. At dawn the next day the boss effects pedal of adequate power snuck downstairs and wanted to leave in a rush so the warrior quietly set off before the keyboard woke. When the warrior returned to the land of the flammable turtle the coconut tree was delighted to have found someone who could find the boss effects pedal of adequate power and instantly handed over the electroacoustic ukulele of rather goodness happy to know that the legend of interesting music may soon be complete. the warrior now in position of all the items the great yam of infinite knowledge to the max told him to collect he did not know what to do with them and thought hed pay yammy the tantalasing a visit. ------------- Chapter 4, The uber cliffhanger of whattodoness------------------------------After a long journey and a brief frozen yogurt the warrior met with yammy the tantalasing and asked what he should do with these items of great interest. The great yam of infinite knowledge to the max replied that there is lots of evil in the world now adays, music that is only about appearance, the co op who overcharge students just because they know that the students are too lazy to go to sainsburies and people who put the milk in their tea or coffee before putting the water in. So you must write songs, songs that make the world fun again and with these items you can do such a thing if you believe, however your singing is piss poor you need to get taught how to sing i suggest go to a singing teacher. So the warrior went in search of singing teachers but all the good ones would go as near the warrior as they would to a rabid orangutan with an electric can opener. Luckily for the warrior piere the weird little imp of medicoreness agreed to teach the warrior to sing subject to an interview. Thus the warrior reluctantly travelled to france on the eurostar as its the cheapest and quickest way. piere met the warrior at the train station and took him to his office, he would let goatily in and she had to wait outside. The interview went well and when the warrior came to tell goatily, psychologists had captured her and told the warrior of their plans to experiment on her then make themselves look intelligent by publishing their findings in a way that no one can understand thus making it useless. With that they vanished leaving only an inkblot test. the warrior went to tell piere, being french and used to losing piere did not care and said that the warrior wil be taught if he starts immediately. Thus the warrior must decide whether to start singing lessons or save his trusty spellchecker goatily from a life of experiments and publications that make no sense.