Russel

Dreadful. I am absolutely abysmal. The kind of appallingly bad poetry that I write should be outlawed. [Reads from a sheet of paper left on the table] “You smile and I grin”. Obviously this is the work of a man who has never before been in love. Man? I don’t even deserve to be called that. I am a boy, a prepubescent mind in a post-pubescent body. Drew Barrymore may have never been kissed, but I’ve never even been alone in the same room as a girl. How about that for a movie title? Oh, Forgive my manners and allow me to introduce myself. The name is Oedipus. No, not that Oedipus. I am Oedipus Werner. I didn’t kill my father and I certainly didn’t sleep with my mother. My eyes are still firmly attached to their sockets. For some reason, my mother just liked the way Oedipus sounded. Apparently, she was unaware of the unflattering history of the name. It’s not too bad really. I mean, when you think about it, just about every name can be connected to something objectionable. The name Ted, for example, is the name of both Ted Bundy, perhaps the most famous serial killer of all-time, and Ted Kaczynski, the notorious Unabomber. Anyway, I tried going by just Ed for a little while, but then people wondered why my initials were O.W. It’s easier just to accept the fate of being a total loser for the rest of my life. The name is just the beginning. It’s like my Mom knew I was going to be an anti-social misfit from birth. As soon as I hit 13, I had severe acne. I’m not talking about acne in the “everybody goes through that” kinda way. I’m talking about give a kid the nickname “Crater Face” kinda way. To top things off, in the 9th grade I found out I had scoliosis. I had to wear a back brace for 3 years. Things were really bad. I was so unpopular, I used to tell kids I played Dungeons and Dragons, just so I’d have people to hang out with. You know what it’s like to be called a poser by a guy wearing a cape his mom made for him? I was so unwelcome, I would sit down at a table and 6 people would pick up their trays and walk away. I’ve made so many kids stop eating lunch that it’s a wonder we still have a teenage obesity problem in this country. Football players used to use me as a tackling dummy. My head’s been in so many toilets they used to call me Mr. Tidy Bowl.I edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4