MY JOURNAL BOX
If you want to know what is going on with me- just come to this spot and read what I have written here. I will keep it up to date about what has been going on for me. Bulletins have been down and sometimes they get full of trains and ads that it gets impossible some days to get thru what is happening for that particular day, so I will leave my own "bulletins" here- and will try to keep it current.
OCT 3rd is my birthday! so I thought I would update this place for the moment- I'be been trapped on TV LINKS taking in all kinds of anime that I have seen in the past but that always makes me sit in awe of artistic talents, DBZGT changed my life's direction, but I have to give FLCL for keeping me in tuned with myself- there was a time I could count on 1 hand what anime really inspired me, but not I can't keep count, every one surpasses any concieveable expectation. I have also started my FIBROMYALGIA page which you can find easily because it is listed as my first friend link where I tell you how to beat the crap out of chronic pain and FM- and to be on a level playing field, I am surrendering all my pain medications, doing the rehab thing at home, you know, what people pay hundreds of thousands for- I am not an addict, but my body is used to my pain med dose and I have been slashing it and slowly waking up from the dead, and descending into hell while I am at it, because with less pain meds, comes sweats, hot, cold, tremor, stomach prob, yawns, burning of my skin I feel fireants are all over me all the time, I have not slept in 3 or more weeks any considerable amount, my nerves are shot, I can't concentrate- well, I wasn't good at that before- I am in hell, and I beg anyone to argue me differently or I might have to strangle you. But such is another birthday- on TV links I am catching up on the 90's crap I missed because I was out playing in bands- finding I didn't miss much but at least I will always be pop-lically correct. One thing I have to say is that everyone and everything ages and I look damn good so much so that I thought I'd use my actually picture for my avatar for a hilw till I get bored and go back to the blue electric wolf. For those who know me, you now have a face- and I can say I look the same as when I was 20, and 30- so much I can say about others, now or futurally. My goal is to stay happy, and make others happy, and once I get my self imposed pain med-abilitation over with, I will be back to my normal self.
MY PROFILE IS BECOMING INFINITE !!!!.....
I am working on several profiles that will link with this one, each profile will contain information for you, for my friends, things I have learned and so much to share with you...
BTW if you find it hard to read my writing due to the colors, just right click and select all to highlight it as if you were going to copy it- then read my text using that highlight- I love placing art underneath my writing but I understand it is a pain sometimes to read and since my whole profile "floats", I never know quite where things will end up.
If you ever would like to know how I float my profile, just ask, it's not hard to do- but it allows you infinite space and allows you to place your own selection of background pictures under the text- AND allows you to create 3 colomns at once!!
Soon, I will create 3 new profiles that will be linked to this one- this is my main profile, my masculine side- I have another profile that is my feminine side called SAPHYR. I am in the process of making a profile on Fibromyalgia and How to BEAT IT!!, I named it WOLFRAIN'S FIBROMYALGIA, I will start it and add to it every day, I have so many tips that to just put them into a blog here, it would take time to find them and the key word is TIME, People with FM, the key is to simplify everything, so all the tips will be in one place, and they all work- I follow all of them each and every day. Then I am going to put up my own TWEAKS profile called WOLFRAIN'S TWEAKS, because I have found a way to make a profile that floats above the myspace profile page so you can just plug in any Layout that you want and it will work!!- that would allow you to change your layout as often as you change your clothes, like everyday if you want!! PLUS it allows you to put as many backgrounds as you want in your individual columns, AND it allows you to place boxes for every idea you want and they are infinite in content!! ...AND I will have a few tutorials there and as many ways to tweak your profile as possible!!! I find it impossible to contain yourself to just one profile, so there will be a box above this one with the listings of my individual profiles with links to them. And on each profile, there will be a link always to this main profile, so all roads will always lead back to WOLFRAIN!! Then I will add more as I see fit, and I also have one called GOKOUU which I use to make my own layouts, and I will submit them to a certain myspace website which I will have a link there so you can see the profiles I have made and especially some that I make to float- but it would be better to follow my tutorial in order to make a floating profile because if you understand how to place 1 box in your profile, you can add an infinite amount of boxes to your profile. That way, you are not limited to the premade boxes to write in, you make your own.
My aim is to share everything about me and everything I know with all my friends- so when I send an "add me " to you, I am offering a world of information to you that you can access through me in addition to my friendship. So no one can say that I don't communicate, because each hour that I spend adding information to those profiles, I am in fact communicating with you during ALL the TIME!! Because I am supplying you with everything that I have learned. I will eventually set up a Wiccan site, A Hamster site, etc.. I am infinite in mind and spirit so a friendship with me definitely works both ways in more ways than you could ever imagine.... so I AM keeping in touch every time I add knowledge to these profiles for you.
Weds August 22, 2007
I wrote this letter to a friend and it was perfect for letting all my friends know what has been going on with me this week. I use blogs for essays, my opinions, fun things to read, etc.. and I don't use bulletins so instead I put aside this box on my page here as my online journal. This week, my kids: Shannon is 11 yo, Sherrie is 16yo.. they are getting really excited about school coming, this week it was clothes hunting for school. Then I sat and wrote a letter that was ideal to post here, because I have been feeling really good recently. I will begin another profile dedicated to all the things I do to relieve my Fibromyalgia and ADD- I am ready to begin that, to make it easy for friends to access as much info as possible on my page. If I do well enough, I might look inot writing a book because I have gone from being suicidal to living a life the fulest each second I am alive- that is quite a stretch and I believe I have so much to give to others, to help them!!
So here is my letter to all my friends this week:
""""" Everything's been really good! I'm always happy- At the moment, I forget what I might have told you but that will never happen again because I am keeping notes! It might sound strange, but I have something like 4000 friends and I actually know alot of them! and I started keeping a notebook on what I tell everyone- I have ADD, I probably told you that I'm disabled- due to fibromyalgia and ADD: the pain and fatigue makes me very irresponsible- I never know when I will wake up ready for the day or wake up ready for my funeral! It does get that bad, so I turn to my friends, family, animals and my concrete spirituality. Friends actually mean a lot to me because they usually end up knowing you better than you know yourself and sometimes they say the just right think at the right time. When I write to others, my memory stays sharp, I am studying Japanese and have been for quite some time, I know some Spanish- enough to watch the Spanish TV and I'm a Registered Pharmacist by trade and I have my current license- ALL!!! THAT!!!! but I can't remember what day it is or what time my MD appointments are- I live in a very strange world! But due to God and my Wiccan Catholicism- stress on Wicca!!, I am a terminal optimist.
I have lived all my life with Depression and one day I just refused to be depressed any longer- "miracles" happen to me everyday like today, I have a new Hamster, Puka- he's black with white booties on his 4 feet, a splash of white down his neck and white tippy ears and he was a little nasty with biting just only when he's in his cage. Today, I had the door opened and I pat him on his head and he actually stayed there like a statue and was enjoying me petting him on the head and if you know hamsters, they almost never stay in one place. That small bit of communication where he looked me right in the eyes and I pet his head and his little eyes squinted each time I pat him on the head, it was a miracle to make communication, a real connection! I am just that way with animals. Once I got to play with an Arctic wolf!- I wrote all about it on my page (here below in this box), if you go to my profile, on the left side, I keep a journal every week or so I write something and I wrote there (here below) all about my travels to a local wolf preserve called Lakota and in there I give my account of playing with a wolf about 7 years ago- and you can read it if you want, but of course it was simply amazing!!!!!! I let him hold my arms in his mouth and the owner was amazed that I let him play like that, but I am so into animals, I believe I am a whisperer and can communicate with them, can tell what is wrong and when they are sad- almost like a psychic.
So everyday is just awesome to me. It is so awesome having a person that I can talk to that lives in California ( I cherish the fact that my friends are all over the world, I love that especially because they tell me all about their life there.)- I find it really awesome. Right now I live in Northwest NJ which is mostly like small mountains and forest but I am a true city girl, I grew up in Newark NJ and if you ever talked to me on the phone, you would say I were Black, because I just have a heavy "black" accent that I picked up from my friends I grew up with. So I grew up most of the time too in NYC, in fact, my hubby works as an Elevator Technician and his company has accounts at WTC- the train stations under the World Trade Center are still called WTC, they are just starting construction for the new Freedom Tower- 9/11 that day, my hubby was so fortunate not to have been at the WTC because he's an elevator mechanic and we were going to take the kids to the city that weekend to go to the top of WTC- The WTC was like may playground and I was there like at least every weekend. No matter where you wanted to go to in NYC, you took a train to WTC then a subway to where ever you wanted to go. The WTC was just so awesome and I am still not over that it is gone, I will never get over it- most true New Yorkers by birth or adoption like me will just never let go of it, WTC was a real living entity to us, like a big brother to me.
I loved hearing about your tattoos (I love when my friends tell me all about themselves and what they are up to!), good luck with them and I will remember you in my prayers to make sure they stay healthy!! I am really religious but I’m not a freak about it and a big part of it is Wicca. I know how painful tattoos can be, especially AFter it is done, people don't know how bad it can hurt while it is healing. I don't have any tattoos- but I admire people who put artwork on their bodies- and I know how expensive they can be!!!! AND I LOVE mountain lions- I have a cat too, I love cats so much. I am rare because I love both cats and dogs, I can train birds, hamsters, anything!! So it was great hearing about your tattoos, you have to describe them to me.
I went on vacation about 1 month ago, when I came back, I had to put to sleep 2 of my very favorite hamsters- I wrote a letter about it (see my blog for it), It was very hard for me to do but I will not let an animal suffer and I can just imagine how stressful it would be for an animal to have to go to a vet to be put to sleep. First of all the animal is sick, and knows death is near, then suddenly they go to the vet which is totally alien to them- larger animals you have no choice, but at least I can do one last favor for my little hammies and let them experience death at home.- I know that my hammies knew what was going on and I helped them die in the best possible way.
I tend to write alot and I never expect anyone to write back in long letters to match the ones I make- sometimes just to be nice, people would not want to hurt my feelings, so to be polite the would comment on everything I wrote and to write as much as me, but please!! forget the formalities and I NEVER!! expect anyone to write as much, and actually, I never expect someone to sit and read everything I write all at once- read it when you have time, so I just want you to know that I never expect huge letters in return, ever!!!! Even a few words in a reply is fine, whatever you feel like doing.
BTW if you ever IM me on myspace IM, my IM name is Anonimion because all my websites I want to use that same name that I made up. It is half way between anonymous and oblivious!
Do you speak Spanish?, I noticed you used "y" often. If you write to me in Spanish I'll try to write back in Spanish, it would be alot of fun because I love Spanish and never get practice. That would be fun. (That is for any of my friends- if you want to practice Spanish, I am game!! Also, I am learning Japanese, I would like to try writing in Japanese also- my keyboard does Kana.
Take care!!
****wolf hugs****
Wolfrain
Rain!
Thurs August 9th, 2007
I am feeling kind of sad because I had to put to sleep 2 of my pet hamster. One of them had a tumor growth in it's penis, his name was "Princess" (we always considered him a "her" because we named her for months before we really checked whether she was male or female. He practice hamster birth control meaning we keep them in separate cages.) and another I just noticed yesterday had extra teeth grow in and the must have been there for a really long time- her name was "Cookie". Just yesterday I notice she had lost a massive amount of weight and I had no idea why, till she crawled on the bars of her cage and I noticed 1 big tooth protruding from her mouth that infected her upper lip. In side, she had another tooth growing in from the bottom because usually in rodents, if they have a top tooth, they will grow a bottom tooth which constantly grows. You have to give them something to gnaw on which keeps their teeth at a normal length. Since this extra pair of teeth grew in wrong, they grew out of control because the top tooth did not meet her bottom tooth and BOTH teeth grew to abnormal lengths that her mouth had gotten totally infected and she could no longer chew or actually close her mouth to swallow- it actually was open so much I think she could not even swallow- I could tell she hadn't drunk her water because the water level in the container had not gone down in quite a awhile. I thought of a vet, but I would need a very specialized vet to work on a dwarf hamster and I'm a pharmacist, I know they would not operate with her debilitated state and infection, she would not have made it thru the anesthesia.
When ever one of my animals becomes so sick that death is imminent- I put them to sleep, I don't wait for death- I put them out of their suffering and if they are not actively dying but is suffering, I will put them to sleep. I can't imagine the pain she must have been in to have a growth inside her penis that she constantly bled for weeks from the penis and constantly peed in the blood. If I knew it was her penis, I would have put her to sleep when it started bleeding, but the tumor had formed that it stretched the skin over to the side, so the wound was on the side of her belly, that when I felt the tumor, I thought it was on her belly, I would never think in a million years that it would have been her penis, and even though it was bleeding, she showed no signs at all that she had a tumor at all. She would greet me standing up and hopping foot to foot for me to pick her up every time I was near the cage, so this was the first time I had to put pet to sleep that wasn't behaving sick. I would put a hamster to sleep for either of these reason: Not eating, not running around or running on her wheel, or something that would cause tremendous pain if I kept her alive and both my hammies had reason 3. Cookie looked and me and in her eyes I could hear her asking me for help- I could see it in her eyes she was in distress. When you've been with a hamster every day of their life, over the few years that they live, you know their signs and long ago, I noticed signs in her eyes but I didn't know what was wrong- but I knew that she was telling me that she was sick and I just could not figure it out. But last night, watching her try to eat and try to drink- and seeing her in so much distress that she was overloaded with adrenalin that she even stopped sleeping.
I don't know if I do the right thing, but I know I would never let an animal suffer, animals are different than human when they get sick. An animal with squeeze out ever bit of life before they die- when debilitated, they would continue to live for a very long time waiting to die, especially rodents- they are just so good at being alive, they can go for a very long time without food and water and in the dying state. So I can tell when an animal is ready to die- with hamsters, they stop eating for a very long time, then they stop doing things that they love to do- like Princess, she would go bananas when I gave her pumpkin seeds- I think that is how we got to be so close that she lost all her wild instincts- she was a Dwarf Winter White Hamster. When I tried to feed her pumpkin seeds, she sniffed them, then went into her house to go back to sleep- she jumped around like she always does but it wore her out and for her to go into her house while I was still there, she was definitely dying- she stopped eating and I knew that if I couldn't get her to eat, and she slept all the time- she no longer wanted to come out and run around- her favorite thing to do, turning down her favorites, I knew the tumor had gotten her. Then when I inspected the tumor- it was on her stomach and huge- AND she lost her penis! I mean, I couldn't find it, then realized it WAS the tumor and that the tumor had caused her penis to move all the way to the side, that she was actually bleeding from it- that was all I needed to know.
Dwarf hamsters are the most awesome pets to have because for some strange reason, even right from the wild, their curiosity gets the best of them that they are more interested in YOU than to BITE you, that they don't bite!! I mean if you keep your finger in front of their face for a long time, they will begin to inspect your finger and might do that with their mouths, but they are the smartest, cutest, most adorable little companions, they are NOTHING like domestic hamster which tend to bite, even from knowing them as babies- you really have to go to a breeder to get one that doesn't bite because inbreeding does cause them to go a little mental. Also, all dwarf hamsters I believe are as smart as rats but even maybe as smart as a dolphins because they have alot of communication skills and their communication skills expand when they interact with humans that they can express thing by how their eyes and ears look. Like Cookies, I could see in the way she held her ears that there was something a matter with her but I just could not see it until I spotted her teeth jetting out over her lip that she could not close her mouth anymore. But even seeing the tumor, if Princess wasn't showing anymore signs, she would still be alive, but I noticed she slept all the time, and stopped eating- that is the last 2 signs that I know she was a place of dire need, that she was close to dying because nothing else will keep a hamster from running and wanting to come out on the wheel or eating.
But like I said, these animals are awesome. They are just really smart and I am a dog person- they say you're either a dog or cat person, well, I love cats too!! But it take a certain kind of person to be a dog person- and I am definitely a dog and wolf person because I did handle a real wolf in the past- my account in in the paragraphs below on a prior date if you want to read. But anyway- my daughter brought home her first hamster years ago and it was a little dwarf Roborovski hamster- they are the little brown and white hammies- and I was knocked off my chair what an awesome little guy he was, that I ordered her and my hubby to return to the pet store the next day and buy me one!! They of course, babies cam and I kept those, then more babies came and I didn't have the heart... then I got into the other Dwarf species, the Winter White and the Campbell hamsters. The WW's and Camp's are so different from the Rob’s but still, they are awesome in their own way. These are 2 separate species and I want to do my part in the world to make sure they are never interbreed- They are 2 distinct species but some pet stores put them together, thinking they are 1 breed. That's sad because ignorance is spread far before wisdom and there is a chance thru ignorance, a hybrid will be formed that will be an interbreed that means, they will lose their sweet dispositions thru interspecies breeding, and we will lose both breeds to the third- the more ignorance, the more 3rd breed of hamster out there, that threatens both species. If the word isn't put out that there are 2 distinct species, then there is more of a chance that the breeds will be lost. That is why I am an advocate for purchasing your pets always from a breeder- it just insures that your pet has no interbred ancestors that would tamper with their true disposition, thru interbreeding, you get vicious animals, so you have to respect the promise that breeders fulfill in always breeding correctly which is alot more expensive than interbreeding- you have to insure a good breeding populations which means you will always own alot of animals as compared to just a few.
But getting back to basics, there are about 4 major breeds of Dwarf Hamster: Roborovski's, Winter White, Campbell’s and Chinese Hamster. You can tell the Chinese hamster because they have a tail and look alot like chipmunks. They are not as friendly as the other dwarf hamsters because they make so many offspring that interbreeding is very common and also overpopulation so they are banned in many states because if they get loose, they CAN ACUSE destruction of crops!! So if you own a Chinese hamster- never let it out free!!!!!! That could ruin the whole crop production for your state!!! And Roborovski’s are the little brown ones, the smallest ones- they have adorable white eyebrows and nose- they are amazing little pest and they are always ready for a good excursion!!! The next easiest to ID is the Campbell’s and WWs- they BOTH have lines that run down their back, but a Campbell’s, hamster's nose and ears are pointier and they "box" where as WW's look more little bear faces and they don't "box". When Hamsters "box", what they will do is when you put your hand up to them, if they don't know you, they will freeze, then quickly hit your hand with their two front teeth and most of the time they nip you when they quickly box you with their front paws, but many times, they will just box you without nipping and when they do nip, they almost never hold on. So, they are really intelligent, because that is their first line defense, to just turn and box you real fast and because they can either viciously box you or very gently do it.. they determine the threat and many time more, they are very curious and will not nip- they just want you to stay away and they want to learn more about you. Only an intelligent thinking animal would have intelligence as part of their first line defense and it is very amazing that a wild Campbell’s might not nip but want to explore more- that is bad for animal populations because if they second guess, they might get eaten- that's why it is so critical to keep these species separate and alive!!!! Because, a WW hammy, does NOT BOX!! That is why it is so hard to tell them apart, AND SOME WW"S ARE NOT WHITE!!! They are found in Siberia and some are pure white and so sweet!! They behave like little puppies because they are so curious and friendly, but half of all WW's are black and gray and the gray will whiten over a season. So WW's look very much like Campbell’s, but all you have to do it stick out your hand and see if he boxes- right away a Campbell’s should box unless very hand-tamed, then they don't box you anymore. But a strange Campbell’s will turn and box- it then becomes real apparent then what breed it is. One other difference is that a WW's coat is luxurious, but a Campbell's coat is more puffy and long- their coat does not a have smooth luxurious feel and some Campbell's have coats that mat and separate- they usually are multicolored and sometimes they have tuxedo markings and other weird markings. A WW's markings are the same hamster to hamster- the colors vary black and grey to all white but they still have the same definite markings even when all white, it is a smooth coat and you can see sort of grayish markings that are the same as the other colored ones.
So I hope I supplied you with some handy info and I will keep this blog on my site in memory of "Princess" and Cookie. Princess actually was a male hamster but we didn't want to call her Prince so the name and gender stuck with her, and sometimes we even called her "Princess-man" because it sounded silly. Princess was all about fun and exploration- I let her explore my room and in return, she was always happy to see me. I would wake her up from her nap and she would jump up foot to foot in excitement and "nose" my hand thoroughly before any exploration. Cookie got lost in our house for 2 months when we had her, till we found her in the cat's food!! she was always a survivor and also always showed me that she loved me- she was always happy to see me and would stand up too to be taken out of her cage and played with. She was a great survivor. You would think that they had small little lives but they taught me what it was to LIVE ever day that you have- they are all precious and in their names I will always try to promote education about Dwarf hammies- Princes was a white WW and Princess was a white and brown Campbell's Dwarf Hamster.
MY CURRENT EVENTS for Sunday, August 5th, 2007: