We're all gonna have so much fucking fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy Shit!
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I listen to everything.
National Lampoon's Vacation, European Vacation, Vegas Vacation, Christmas Vacation, The Jerk, Forrest Gump, Saw 1,2,& 3, Spaceballs, Star Wars, Office Space, The Burb's, Girl Interrupted, Gia, Wayne's World 1 & 2, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Friday, Planes Trains & Automobiles, Coming to America, Airplane and so many more.
Seinfeld, The Simpsons , Court TV, Family Guy, The Sopranos, Lost, Heroes, 24, the Office, Rock of Love, Married with Children, Scrubs, House ........and more
Cracked.........by Dr. Drew Pinsky
My Mom and Dad...........they are great parents and my brothers and sisters, I apreciate everything about all of them. Also, Chuck Norris, here's why: Top 25 Unknown Chuck Norris Facts25. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.24. Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in Germany.23. Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth’s atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. 22. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 21. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. 20. The opening scene of the movie “Saving Private Ryan†is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. 19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down. 18. A stagnant container of Chuck Norris’s urine turns in to diamonds after 2 days. 17. Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Twoâ€. 16. The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris’ penis. 15. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement. 14. Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot. 13. When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history. 12. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 11. Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat. Top Ten Unknown Chuck Norris Facts 10. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a green number 4 from Uno, and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card. 9. In his free time, Chuck Norris knits sweaters. But when I say “knitâ€, I mean kick. And when I say “sweatersâ€, I mean babies. 8. Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper. He then shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. 7. Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn’t Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was too scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus’ birthday. 6. After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missile Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of Sports by Huey Lewis and the News. This soon became the prototype for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine. 5. Every night at 8:00, a truck pulls up to Chuck Norris’ house. In the truck are a bunch of orphans. For the next half-hour, Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks on the orphans while “It’s a Hard Knock Life†plays in the background. At the end of the session, the orphans say “Thank you, Mr. Norris.†in perfect unison, then march into the truck in silence. 4. Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chuck’s tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab. 3. Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. 2. Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium. And the number one unknown Chuck Norris fact…#1 When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.