Domestic bliss; Bedtime after a long, full day; Op shopping; Old-fashioned honesty, fidelity and good manners; Vintage dresses, fabric and textiles; Double entendres; Lounge bars with studded leather booths; Accessorising; Imperial pints, dark ale and open fires; Vernacular photography; Owning far more bags, shoes and belts than I actually wear; Old wives' tales; Speaking your mind and playing for keeps; Corsetry and vintage underthings; Luggage (but not travel); Collecting and writing about good art; Making bad art of my own; Posting parcels; Routine, order and stability; Red shoes; Old recipe books with ingredients that no longer exist (tripe, anyone?); Lipstick lesbians; Having a great job I can do in my pyjamas at 11pm (which doesn't involve phone sex); Appropriation; Making money on eBay; Trying not to spend money on eBay; Stodgy English home-cooking; Camp 70s BBC comedies; Writing letters to elderly, overseas relatives; Knee-high socks; Inadvertently humorous old knitting patterns (especially those with accidental gay overtones); The Miss Universe Pageant; Scruffy boys who can cook; Beardsley, Clarke, Schiele, Erte and Zecchin; Obscure claims to fame (eg my grandfather invented the paper clip); Original 70s/80s T-shirts with motifs; Old family photos, polaroids and super 8 movies; Incongruity; Hand knitted striped kids' jumpers and crocheted patchwork blankets; Early 90s boy bands; Depression-era kitchenware; Flamingos and peacocks; Vintage ties that straddle the boundary between 'charmingly retro' and 'hideous'; 50s Pin-ups; Repeatedly trying to teach myself to knit and failing every time; Fart jokes; Frilly and highly flammable 50s/60s chiffon nighties (there's a fart joke in there somewhere); Correct grammar; Black lady lamps (actually black ladies in general); Gossiping with women over 60; Being incredibly anal (which won't bother you since you're going to put a coaster under that... right?); Flappers and 1920s fashion; Drawings by Maria Luksch, paintings by Del Kathryn Barton and photography by Deborah Paauwe; Rainstorms at night (and other quasi-romantic cliches); 50s housewives; Kitsch, camp and anything else so bad it's good; Writing to-do lists; Completing to-do lists; Babushka dolls; Symmetry and even numbers; Groups of three; Contradicting myself; Being the only person on New Year's Day without a hangover; Hating clowns, coffee and the beach; Sideburns (the bigger the better) coupled with 70s porn star moustaches; Relentless and unfounded optimism; Florence Broadhurst wallpaper; Being a nerd; Imaginary educational institutions (eg the Ponds Institute) making dubious 'scientific' claims (eg our product makes your hair 78% less tangly); White skirt confidence; Sara Moon mirror pictures; Over-analysis of just about everything; And finally, finding new and ever more self-indulgent ways to waste time on my beloved Mac.
I'd like to meet:
Sister Wendy Beckett, no contest.
Music:
Jazz, Lounge and 80s One-Hit Wonders (particularly if sung by buxom ex-soap stars, closeted gay men or sets of twins). Also experimental or performance art crossover stuff like Laurie Anderson and the master, John Cage. I'm also awarding an honourable mention to Suzi Quatro, for having the best hair in rock history. All Time Top Ten: Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order (though the Frente version is better); O Superman by Laurie Anderson; Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega; What I Am by Edie Brickell; Perfect by Fairground Attraction; 99 Luftballoons by Nena; Blue Blue Heart by Big Runga; Kelly Watch The Stars by Air; Rapture by Blondie and The Girl from Ipanema by... errr... well hell I'm not THAT old!
Movies:
Anything directed by Busby Berkley or Sofia Coppola, prefaced with 'Carry On...', or featuring Bond Girls. Most low-brow comedies starring Bill Murray, Steve 'Silver Fox' Martin or Leslie Neilsen, and pretty much every disaster movie made during the 1970s. I have a penchant for vintage Australian flicks such as Puberty Blues, but despise wanky highbrow foreign numbers, particularly if shot in black and white or requiring me to read subtitles (frankly just way too much effort). I also enjoy the (original!) Girls of St Trinnians films (there's just something about the combination of schoolgirls, knee-high socks and hockey sticks that does it for me). My all-time favourites list would have to include Picnic at Hanging Rock, Perfume, Heavenly Creatures and Lost in Translation. And finally I have to say I love the fact that having kids gives you license to revisit old favourites such as The Princess Bride, Labyrinth and Flight of the Navigator. They sure don't make 'em like that anymore.
Television:
The trashier the better (preferably reality-based and incorporating full-frontal nudity). Bonus points for programmes in the genre of 'World's Something-est Somethings', eg 'World's Sauciest Grandmothers' etc. I'm addicted to The L-Word and a sucker for a good (read: bad) Australian B-grade mini series such as Brides of Christ. I freely admit to a love of any comedy produced by the BBC during the 70s (think Are You Being Served, The Good Life or George and Mildred) plus Benny Hill, Kenny Everett, The Two Ronnies, Parkie, Antique Roadshow, the Michael Apted docos (7-up etc) and my new favourites, Flight of the Conchords. Yearly highlights: Eurovision and Miss Universe. ps Could someone PLEASE bring back either Temptation Island or The Villa? I'll settle for repeats if necessary.
Books:
Ahhhhhhhh...... Ben Elton, so many nights you have kept me company in my big lonely bed. How I love thee. Also Margaret Atwood, Jeff Noon and all those writers who pretend to be intellectual but are really just RUDE (you know who you are Miller, Nin and Bukowski).
Heroes:
The above-pictured ladies, Susan Sontag, Pam 'Queen of the Fucking Universe' Zeplin and single mothers everywhere.
