la petite mort

my love, my dog, my family and friends are always numero uno things i love: i love music, the way it moves people, the way it's collective and individual at the same time i love nursing, getting so intimate with people you don't really know, learning all kinds of things about them, trying to make them better and then never seeing them again if we are both lucky the human body consistently amazes me. i love everything about it organs, tissue, the flow of blood, the brain, the way it heals itself, the way we hurt it, the mechanics and breakdown. but mostly...mostly i love the way it mirrors everything in life, existence, nature, relationships, cycles, history, oceans and land masses. everything can be related to the way the human body works even on a cellular level. this to me is the most profound thing the body has taught me and allowed me to understand more about the universe. i love beautiful things: the day, smiles, peoples faces when they don't know you are looking, big balloons at parades, christmas lights, holidays especially halloween and xmas (is that strange for an agnostic?), cool gulf sand between my toes, the reflection of the moon on the ocean, really anything to do with water: showers, scuba diving, cold ice on hot skin, swimming, floating, fishies, sand, trees reflected on a still lake, river water running underneath sheets on ice that have fresh snow, ferries, skipping stones, puddles all of it. the smell in the air right before it rains, tiger lilies, dryer sheets and soap. open fields at sunrise in the middle of winter, flavored lip gloss, laughing hysterically to the point you can't stop and it seems to be for no particular reason, seeing my friends laugh. cool sheets, sleeping, dreaming and most everything involving bed, flowers (especially blue ones and calla lilies), watching clouds, meteor showers, finding things i didn't know were lost, having a plant survive me, driving to no particular place, getting lost, travel: trains, cars, boats especially planes, packing, unpacking, the strangeness and newness of it all, roadside attractions, strange little towns, maps, plotting the drive and then getting off track, art of and on the body, klimt, chris anthony, geiger, edward gorey, james christensen, parkes... i love it when men are dramatic like in drama-videos but not like in movies or on tv. i like the way they look when they are wanting something but can't get across what it is that they mean and get frustrated and just have to do something physical like wring their hands or throw you against a wall and kiss you in order to put their mind straight...yeah i like that look, it's rare, but when found ...beautiful. (check out snow patrol set fire to the third bar video and you'll get it) i don't get sarcasm, don't like mean people and don't understand why people just don't say what they mean. obscurity is lost on me i get frustrated with religious fanatics, i think i know the secrets of the universe but know you have to figure it out for yourself, i think i'm funny but know others don't always get me, i have a hard time carrying on a conversation when i should be studying - which seems to be every minute nowadays, i know i can't carry a tune but i love singing, i miss smiling for real and i can't tell a joke or complete story to save my life but will try to save yours
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