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brandi

IF IT CAN'T BE WELDED, FUCK IT

About Me

I’ve had a burning desire to become a welder for as long as I can remember. I think because I’ve always been drawn to trailer dwellers, rednecks, lesbians and Colt 45. I spent most of the last decade in welding school. Not because it’s difficult or complicated, it’s more because I’m mildly retarded. In fact, I’m really close to losing my welding license because I totally burst into flames last week and didn’t really realize that I was on fire for about five minutes. (I had a really burly cold/flu, and couldn’t even smell the smoke. Fortunately a spark flew up my nose and singed an olfactory nerve, or I could have been seriously toasted.) There is also a safely rule in the shipyard that says in huge block letters, “WELDERS: PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY PROHIBITED FROM BLOWING DIRT OFF OF YOURSELF WITH THE OXYGEN FROM YOUR BLOWTORCH FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.” Well fuck, maybe I should get that tattooed on my freaking arm like that dude from Memento because I think I only remembered that once last week. Otherwise, welding is really tight. I love blastin’ around with a 250 degree torch. Welding is so hot that it’s cool.

My Interests

Welding, Haiku's, Lincoln, Haiku's about Lincoln, Student Drivers, Velociraptors, Action Figures, Non-Sequiturs, Soup, Dead Links, Tennis, Reading, Writing, Running, Happy Hour, Meat, Fainting Goats, Dioramas, Mekong Giant Catfish, Roman Numerals, Merchantilism.

I'd like to meet:

Brian McKnight. Even though that fucker did not approve my friend request. In fact, he flat out denied me. Wtf? I have Brian McKnight-a-thons all the time. And I know all of the words to "What We Do Here" which is basically about this performer guy in a dressing room who is trying to get this woman to give him some before going onstage. It's a really fun song. Makes me wanna take his McHands in mine and dance around. He has like 22,062 friends, but none of them are me.

Music:

Blur, The Sea and Cake, Kenny Rogers, Kenny Loggins, Kenny G, G Love, Pavement, Built to Spill, Mark Kozelek, Ride, Archers of Loaf, NMH, OTC, GBV, Elf Power, Of Montreal, SUPERCHUNK, Supergrass, Super Furry Animals, Afghan Whigs, Yo La Tengo, Radiohead, Bedhead, Cat Stevens, Simon and G, Polvo, Bloc Party, Arcade Fire, Death from Above 1979, Les Savy Fav, And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead, Sugar, !!!, Aqualung, Beck, Belle and Sebastian, The Lucksmiths, Iron and Wine, East River Pipe, The Silver Jews, RJD2, Calexico, Devotchka, Grandaddy, Jeff Buckley, The Roots, Kings of Convenience, Kings of Leon, Luna, Magnetic Fields, Kasabian, The White Stripes, Okkervil River, Broken Social Scene, Destroyer, AC Newman, My Morning Jacket, Nick Cave, South, Spoon, The Libertines, The Rapture, The Shins, Elbow, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, The Kills, The Thrills, The Stills, Josh Rouse, The Frames, The Grifters, Dungen, Calla, Animal Collective, Eels, Caribou, The Ponys, The Wrens, The Byrds, Doves, Wolf Parade, Sparklehorse.

Movies:

Wet Hot American Summer, Donnie Darko, Wes Anderson films, Snatch, Chungking Express, Bong Water, Pulp Fiction, The Graduate, Eternal Sunshine, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite, The Untouchables, Dirty Pretty Things, Waiting for Guffman, High Fidelity

Television:

Arrested Development, Daily Show, Colbert Report, South Park, The Office, Family Guy, Aqua Teen, The Brak Show, 24, Chappelle's Show, Ali G, Mr. Show.

Books:

Geek Love, Jennifer Government, Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, Choke, David Sedaris, Christopher Moore, JD Salinger, Shakes, Nicholas and Alexandra, Fast Food Nation, Less Than Zero, The Losers' Club, Gravity's Rainbow, Mao II, Slaughterhouse-Five, Catch 22.

Heroes:

David Cross, Neil Diamond

My Blog

All I wanted was some fucking coffee

But I was out of coffee filters and had to construct a TP filter. The first time, black sludge overflowed and oozed all over every surface in my kitchen.  Even the ceiling.  The second time,...
Posted by brandi on Wed, 01 Feb 2006 02:09:00 PST

Escapades With Horny Goat Weed/RIP Crook

Okay, hopefully next entry/next month wont have to somehow involve a dead animal.  (Shout out to MC Frijoles, NNs new temporary cat.  Stay strong, MC Frijoles!)    Anyway, some ...
Posted by brandi on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

RIP Nixon the family dog

Nixon Steakhouse Haker recently joined that canine frontier in the sky after reaching ten thousand dog years.  I find it suspicious that that he was lethally injected about a month before my pare...
Posted by brandi on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Amorous Lincoln Haiku's

Cruisin' down the street With my favorite dead prez Lincoln loves road head Son of frontiersman Flexible and kinda hot I love you Lincoln Three-Ways with Lincoln Are usually in 3D His bea...
Posted by brandi on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST