About Me
wow... where to start? well first off, i'll open with a disclaimer: i like to call myself an aspiring screenwriter (currently working on 4 projects), although at times i feel i'd be best suited as a "professional procrastinater"- the expectations aren't as high & the pay is almost identical. :) haha- (cue audience laughter). seriously though, i know i can be long winded at times with these types of things, so i'll try to be brief and accurate. i promise i'll try to make my little essay here (shananigans) worth your while, or at the very least, entertaining as all hell. disclaimer #2: i'm honest, straight-forward, and i shoot from the hip. if you can't deal with that, you know where the door is. however if you can, sit back, have a drink, and enjoy. so i guess by the courts, i'm a 28 year old guy, who looks like he's 21, and occasionally acts like he's 18. it's fantastic. you should try it sometime... i'm now living in southern maine after 4 long, deflating years in long island, ny. i won't go into detail about it but i'll say this.. there's a lesson to be learned when you go from living the epitome of the "slow life", to the epitome of the "fast life", and then back again. while there, i worked in bars and clubs on the island and in the city and made pretty damn good money. it was fun, but in the end it was taxing. and it drained me. there are many things ny offered me that maine simply couldn't, but more importantly, vise-versa... things such as solidarity and open roads are hard to find there. clutter and chaos are non-condusive to the creativity i strive for. i had a few unfortunate instances go down amidst all the commotion, but in retrospect, i made some amazing friends who've had a lasting impact on my life and i'll be sure to remember them ALWAYS... so it was well worth the trip. but after a while, i finally came to the conclusion that my arms and legs were tired from treading water... and so i came back to my homestate for the first time in a decade. now that i'm back, i'm simply doing a "job" to pay the bills. i'm a delivery guy for Amato's. (it's nothing worth raving about so please, you can stop clapping now. or at least hold your applause 'til after i'm done.) it really isn't that bad though. while on the road, i have time to think about ideas and dialogue for the movies i'm working on. (goes to show you how much i actually pay attention to DRIVING. :/ yeah.) once things are a little more settled here and when the timing is right, my plan is to head out west to try and sell these spec screenplays (aka- babies) i've hatched and have been working on the past few years. some may call that a risk, some may say it's taking a chance, i call it having a dream... a dream at 28. so be it. i don't think i was invited to be part of that whole "career" thing everyone strives for anyway. 5 years ago, i left UNH with a pretty hefty bill and a degree that may as well have read "Bachelor of Arts in Doesn't Really Matter... Thanks For Your Money, Asshole"... yup, i'm a proud product of the American Collegiate Educational system, or in other words, a sap. fuck it. i've been working "tip-based" jobs since college and i'm still here right? this is how i see it... while in new york, i got a good look at the largest rat-race in the world... and i laughed. ants in an antfarm really. each ant, mindlessly performing a different task in order to belong and fit in to their society, because that's that's how it is and how it's always been. i don't mean to sound negative or belittle anyone, but i can't do that. i can't be that. it's a little too crowded for me. so instead, i choose to be the guy who sits in a lounge chair in his backyard overlooking the ocean, sipping stoli on the rocks and OBSERVING the ongoings of said antfarm from an outside vantage point... and then writing a fascinating fucking story about it. 'cause afterall, film IS behavior. (thanks syd field) plus, as far as i see things, there are 3 types of people anyway. there's the guy who steps in shit and has everything handed down to him from day one (God help his soul), there's the guy who sticks to a plan from day one and goes on to do "what it is he's supposed to do" (God bless 'em- i'm truly happy for those who can do this), and still there are those who aspire and dream to do something bigger and better than live the ordinary or average life, even if it takes them forever to find out what that is. guy #3... that's me. i'm THAT guy. although i'm no rebel, i try not to follow the norm. i'm the type of guy who wears his facial hair JUST long enough to cross the socially acceptable line in the workplace... whereas my roommate clint goes beyond being that guy and would walk into a job interview with a collar drawn on the neck of his white t-shirt in sharpie and the word TIE spraypainted on the front. ha! THAT is what i call a perfectly good example of a haha, and if you don't find THAT funny, you can go straight to heck without passing GO. this is also what i refer to as a "tangent"- in other words, i'm getting off task. i tend to do that from time to time... (it comes with the job of thinking and making shit/characters/dialogue up and trying to keep up with the thoughts that actually matter.) just be patient and bear with me, we're almost through. point is, rather than have a "career" in which i report to someone at the end of the day, i'm fine with having a "job" until i take off and have a "career" in which at the end of the day, i report to no one but myself and anxiously awaiting audiences around the world... (grandeur is a sign of schizophrenia, is it not? haha.... {cue audience laughter again, just for good measure}) all i know is that i have the plan, the smarts, and the desire to get where i want to be. that, and the guidance and good grace of The Man upstairs is all i need anyway. it's called faith. and in that aspect of my life, i have complete faith in God and JC. we go way back... God has blessed me and my family in so many ways and i am truly grateful for that. i can attribute my morals and beliefs to my upbringing and the fact that i just happen to have the greatest parents under the sun. swear to God. they have worked and CONTINUE to work their asses off to provide us 5 kids with a neverending wave of happiness, love, care, and support- no matter which state we were in, we could feel it. so yeah, there are five of us kids- i guess it's safe to assume my parents loved "the sex"- thankfully that trait was hereditary. sure, some people may find five kids alot but in all honesty, it's because my dad is a coach and he needed 2 guards, 2 forwards, and a center for the family basketball team. at shooting guard, i'm the second oldest, or what others might call "the fuck up"... i'm kidding, i'm actually quite brilliant when i want to be- which is pretty much all of the time. :) if you couldn't tell, i also love what my friend clint has dubbed "haha's" or "funny". i love receiving them as much as i love making them for others. to me, laughter is the essence of life. plus i heard that if you hold in your laughs, they turn into farts. (but who doesn't find farts funny to SOME extent??) moving on. so... fortunately i was blessed with amazing friends from all over, (from my childhood in northern maine, to ones i made in college in NH, to still more i made in NY) and they ALL have that great sense of humor required to understand me. i swear- i'm a shy, sweet, nice guy 75% of the time and a sick, hilarious fuck 50% of the time... the other 10%, i'm usually just an asshole. but the good, funny kind of asshole, you know? hey, at least i'm good at something, right? i have no clue where this shit comes from but it just flows from my soul, and i love it. believe it or not, i'm so funny that i make MYSELF shit my pants on a bi-weekly basis. true story... ;) seriously though, my friends and i are a fucking riot when we choose to be. when we're running on all cylinders, we should honestly be thrown into the looney bin, or at the very least, jail. alright, now how to end this debacle called About Me? hmmm... oh, ok. well i was a "high school hero, college zero" when it came to sports, but sports have always been and will always be a big part of my life. i love 'em. i continue to try and get my hands on new things to do seeing as i've already mastered basketball, baseball, soccer, golf, bowling, ping pong, pool, darts, beirut, beer-die, and drinking. these are the things i've done to keep myself amused for the past 28 years, so naturally i SHOULD be good at them. that, and i prank call my own job while i'm out on deliveries pretending to be a customer named Stanley Bregrmanious (pronounced Berg-man-is)... and i'm DAMN good at that too. afterall, this IS maine, and it can certainly be a bit slow and boring at times. but that's why God created myspace right?... for people in Maine. Maine and fuckin' South Dakota... 'cause what the hell goes on in South Dakota besides big heads on a rock? (does anyone still live there anymore?) when the first myspace blast hit years ago and knocked the earth off it's axis, i wasn't really big on it. i saw it as nothing but a popularity contest over the net. (and guys like me don't give a flying shiv about popularity contests.) but look at me now. not only have i come around, but i've also embraced it with open arms... and apparently divulged way too much information in the process. with that said, i'll say this in closing: i have no respect for george bush- i think he's a fucking moron and i can't wait for november. i also don't tolerate liars, cheaters, heartless pieces of shit, jewish lawyers, posers, myspace spambot whores, absolutely stupid/indecisive/crazy/psychotic women, bullshit artists or traffic lights... if you are NOT any of the above and NOT a traffic light or george bush, and you have something fun, or amusing, or interesting to say, go ahead and say it... i'm all ears. i'd like very much for you to entertain me, 'cause one day i'll be entertaining you. (like i didn't entertain you already- c'mon, be honest with yourself.) all my "friends" on here are MY FRIENDS for 2 reasons- either because i've known them for a long time and i cherish their friendship, or because i WANT to get to know them, and eventually get in their pants. ha!! fuck, i just shit myself. i gotta go... now i'm done. i warned you it would be long- like i said before, i'm an aspiring writer- i just let my fingers fly. if you loved my little memoir here or whatever you want to call it (or even made it this far for that matter), good for you! A-1! i lived up to my promise at the beginning afterall. at the same time, if you didn't like what you read, boo f***ing hoo.... hit the showers, you didn't make the cut anyway. i ams what i ams, and it is what it is... enough haha's. back to work... i'll let you know when the next chapter starts. ;) peace
