Bario (aka JK)

I am a soldier of light, who uses darkness as an ally. I believe in something good, and stand up for what I believe in. I love to chat and learn from you, so speak to me people.

I'm an intelligent soul who is happy to help. I love physical training and the outdoors, but I'm prone to excess and have to keep a strap on my indulgences lest I become an ultraholic. Adventure is the spice of life. My friends once said you will never meet another person like me, but then they invented the internet, haha!

I was born in Suffolk and lived in Norfolk for 2years before moving to Basildon where I grew up. In school I became fascinated by girls and I was always a sucker for love. I started using drugs with my mates in a combination of peer-pressure and a bid to become popular, which worked! Through listening to Garage and Drum n Bass I soon developed a talent for spitting lyrics and became one of the best MC's in Basildon. After an incident of biting my friends arm I got the name of Venom.
MC Venom proceeded to chat at all the local parties and venues with a local group of Junglists called the Warriors. Being prone to excess and the desire for experience, I continued to take lots of drugs. It was brilliant at first, but soon paranoia started to kick in. I was nasty to my friends, picked fights unnecessarily, and began to start taking drugs indoors by myself. "That's when you know you have a problem" a good friend of mine once said.

I became a complete recluse, and in the end I couldn't even look people in the eye anymore. I gave up drugs and escaped the town to go live in Norfolk with my dad where I became physically fit for the first time in my life, yet my mental illness remained. (I had took too many drugs and it made me sick. That's what happens to you.) After a severe row with my father I returned once again to Basildon where I was greeted by my friends.

Looking for answers to life, but still with a greatly messed-up head, I decided to join the army. I chose the Infantry and before long travelled up to Yorkshire to begin my training. I loved it and did well, but it is a stressful life. Drugs had caused me to lose all of my ability to fit normally into society, and I didn't know how to make myself better. I made a few great friends in training, but the majority of the platoon thought I was messed up. This bothered me all the time inside because I knew it shouldn't be that way. But what could I do? It was an amazing experience aside from that and I learned more and became physically and mentally stronger than I'd ever been before.

I joined my battalion as a trained soldier which was meant to be a fresh start. It went okay at first but still rather shakey. One afternoon after getting completely drunk on the weekend, I found myself in a bookshop in Woking where I discovered Kabbalah. It was amazing and the beginning of what I had been searching for all these years - the answers to life! I hardly got any time to study Kabbalah in the army however, and I couldn't put much of it into practice.
My inability to make lasting friendships or fit into the pecking order soon began to cause problems. Before too long many people totally disliked me, and I was walking around in a severely paranoid haze, getting jip from most of my fellow soldiers, whilst trying to do my job.

It all came to a head in Iraq when I just couldn't take it anymore. I was under too much mental and emotional pressure! I had no choice but to feign madness and be rushed out of theatre to a mental hospital back home in sunny Surrey. There I met my first true love and finally got out of the army.

I stayed with my girl all over the south of England and I had the most amazing experience of my life. We continued to study Kabbalah together and learned some amazing spiritual truths. I finally saw (now this may sound obvious) that my mental problem was all in my mind! The next thing I know, my elder brother unexpectedly died and that was a hardcore wake-up call to the world. I dealt with it well though, owing a lot to Kabbalah.
My social skills however were still messed up, which is one of the main reasons I eventually broke up with my girl. The breakup was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with because a relationship calls upon the full spectrum of emotions. But again, it taught us a lot and made us both stronger.
Over time I had also become severely paranoid with my friends in Basildon, and after the break-up, along with everything else, I finally decided I needed to change - Big Time!

I wrote down my anguish on a long sheet of paper and discovered the root cause of my problems: I was a victim of myself; I realised that I suffered from obsessive negative thoughts about myself, which caused me to be totally uncomfortable in my own skin and with everyone I met apart from a few people. Always in my mind "How do I look" worrying about how what I just said might have sounded; scared to just be myself in case I looked odd or stupid. It had progressed over time and it had me locked down in a painful world. Man it was crazy, and this whole time it had caused me to come across awkward and shifty because I was so darn nervous and self-conscious, so that made people think I was weird, ahh! It was no way to live, and I felt relieved now that I had discovered the source of my problems. The drugs had just caused them to be amplified and go way out of hand, and by the time I came down from the drugs, I had forgotten who I was.

I wrote my life's new philosophy down and tried to put it into practice. Hell it worked! I moved up to stay with my dad again for a while and slowly but surely have been going through a process of mental and emotional healing. I finally feel like me again! I once thought the drugs had destroyed my brain and that I could never be normal again. But it just goes to show the power of the mind. Since being with my girl I have taught myself so much about many things, mainly through reading, the internet, and sheer reflection on experience.

I am still in the process of getting better, and the next thing I need to do is write a book about it. I guess its going to take me a year or so. I don't know if I'll ever get it published but either way it’s going to be soothing and beneficial for me to get all of my experiences onto paper in detail.

Then I think I'll try to make it up to some of my friends for being so crazy, and maybe go back to being the lyrical MC Venom again, which I really enjoyed. big-up! lol

Well, if you read all of that then thanx for taking the time out of your wonderful and exotic lives to hear me waffle on about mine. If you feel you suffer from any problems such as obsessive negative-thinking, feel free to ask me about them.
Also check out this acronym maker for your name, it's pretty cool:

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