Rob Morphy

Growing weary of the workaday goat love illustrations he was forced to ink in his own blood at the Bolivian sweatshop into which he was born in 1972, twelve year-old Rob Morphy struck out across the sea to seek his fame and fortune.Working as a “scallywag” on illegal Norwegian whaling vessels, Morphy honed his illustration skills by sketching prawns and other sea creatures in unusual (yet highly erotic) poses. His work caught the attention of noted German industrialist, Horst Heinholzer, who promptly purchased the complete collection. Unfortunately, both the illustrations and Mr. Heinholzer’s life were lost in a tragic “angry villagers with torches” incident in Romania, in May of 1993.After being expelled from Apex Tech for ressurecting a dead llama with jumper cables and a lawn mower engine, Morphy briefly considering a career in high piracy and dugong farming, but finally decided to leave the salty sea air behind once and for all. He settled down in New Mexico with his wife Consuelo and their six children. Sadly, after just six months of domestic bliss, an unfortunate series of run-ins with both werewolves, Soviet space debris and a dyslexic Yakuza hit man resulted in Morphy once again being on his own.After wandering aimlessly in the forest for a couple of years, Morphy was taken in by a kindly Bigfoot family, wherein he finally found the inner peace that had so long eluded him. He became a member of their tribe and was given the name “Darryl.”In the spring of 1999, Morphy and the family of voles who had begun squatting in his beard reemerged in the wilds of upstate New York to take the art world by storm… or at least by annoying autumn drizzle, which can really soak your clothes.Morphy has worked as an illustrator for a plethora of zines, websites, T-shirts, Xerox comics and other clients who’s primary source of payments are beer and Taco Bell. Morphy has also served as a graphic designer for such motion pictures as “ Blowin’ Smoke ” and “Snuff.” He has designed posters for the likes of The Eleventh Plague, Super Dracula X, The Flaming Buddhas, Max Ochs, Eddie Gale, The Beauty Scene Outlaws, Realm, Peterose and the Suicide Thompson’s.As a writer Morphy has worked as a freelance journalist, a movie critic and has written numerous screenplays including an adaptation of Graham Masterson’s “The Hell Candidate” and a rewrite on the Coen Brother’s comedy “The Godmother,” both of which are hanging in the hellish limbo of pre-production. Morphy also worked closely with the world’s largest emerald exporter, Eishy Hyata, on his autobiographical film “Emerald Cowboy.”Morphy is an occasional monster hunter and acknowledged authority in the field of cryptozoology. He is the primary author, artist and researcher for American Monsters and is the co-creator of an “untitled monster hunting show,” which is currently in production at a major cable network. (Yeah, I know it sounds shady, but we’re under contract not to say who it is until they make and officially announcement and I’m far too poor to step on the big guy’s toes!) Morphy has also been featured in numerous articles about monster hunting and was a guest on the planet’s largest late-night talk show Coast to Coast A.M.Morphy currently resides in a haunted house in upstate New York, where he watches Chinese vampire movies, draws pretty pictures and writes books that are so good he refuses to let anyone else read them. In his spare time he works on digging a moat around his home to ensure his safety in the event of an attack by a roving gang of marauding lemurs… and mark my words, they will attack… good lord, how they love the taste of human flesh....Now you betta check out my online portfolio here sukka!