Chocolate candies, zebras, cake, buttsex, cigarette smoking after jacking off, porn (anything anal-deluxe), laughing at my bitch-of-a-grandmother, chasing squirrels willy-nilly, calling in sick, stealing, taking big shits and not wiping my booty, crying in public places, dressing up like a homeless man and trick-or-treating, sneaking into my friends' houses and scaring the living turd out of them, prank calling the authorities, getting kicked out of my house and throwing fucking bricks through the goddamn window, crying in private places and wishing that I had someone there to touch my private places and say "This time it's free."
Hey Again!Well...let's see. Who would I like to meet? Now, I'd like to say "you", but chances are you're a fucking dumbass and there's no way in hell you and I could ever hold a real conversation or get along in a comfortable, nonsexual way. According to the statistics (and the statistics don't lie) you're just another American douche bag with a lousy high school education and enough insecurities to flood Jerusalem. As a matter of fact: I don't want to meet you because you suck, and there's not much more I can say to elaborate on my pure and utter loathing for you and your "type". You're an idiot, a coward, a bigot, and everyone knows that at some time in your life you've considered murder, suicide, and a whole gangbang of twisted sexual acts. So, if you're not "you" then let's be friends! I'm looking forward to our friendship...In the meantime I'll just be getting high off sillyglue, toiling in roguery, and playing slaps with my twiddlething until it all comes to a head and I have to clean it up (maybe even off your face) and start all over again.
Cat Power, Sinead O'Connor, Tori Amos, Fionna Apple, Ace of Base, Gwar...oh yeah, and myself: the best out of all the aforementioned artists.
A movie that my "friends" and I filmed just last year of two squirrels buttfucking in the winter snow.
I had a television once. I pawned it to buy an eighball of coke which I swallowed running from the law. Then I took a shit on the top of my grandmother's brand new mercedes benz. Needless to say, I never saw that fucking television again and I quickly discovered that my saucy-whore-of-a-grandmother had no problems spanking a 19 year old MAN - buttnaked, and in front of all the neighbors.
The Dead Sea Scrolls.
My grandfather - a man whose genius drove him into insanity in the eve of his days. I'm coming, motherfucker.