The Sexiest of the Sexy

I am the cat's meow, though I'm unsure of what that means. I'm also like an onion in my layers and ability to make you cry. I'm complexed and also very fabulous. If I was forced to describe myself in three words, those words would be: SEXUAL TIDAL WAVE. Guys want to be me and the girls want to be underneath me. I have many nicknames, which include but are not limited to; Salto Von Sexron, The Baron of Badassery, Thunder D! (D! as in dong), The Equalizer, El Sexo Magnifico, MTD, and the ICEMAN. My talents are as follows: binge drinking, singing and dancing in my boy band "Men N' Boys," sassafrassin', witticisms, sarcasm, tom foolery, I'm good at making fun of other people based solely on superficiality, I write breathtaking free verse poetry, I can balance a beer can or bottle on my stomach while sitting down, I have a sexy sneer, I'm good at strutting and galavanting about, I'm really good at being irresponsible, writing run on sentences, and I can jump relatively high. The following are things that I don't like: weekend drinkers and smokers (make a commitment), kabala, scientologists, fat chicks and tight clothing, people who are good at everything, emo, douche bags, dingleberries, Phil Collins, people that like Phil Collins, people who are friends with people that like Phil Collins (enablers), couples that sit on the same side of a booth, the man, scooters, most Canadians, the confederate flag, MTV, other people's opinions, the twins from the Shining, public displays of affection, war (except on Phil Collins and his fans), the YMCA song, suspenders and tighty whities.