I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly! - A Survey of Your Life
* So Basically... *
Name?: Myke, Asshole, Bastard, That Fucking Guy
Age?: 45
Sex?: Sometimes. If I can find a willing woman.
Birth Date?: I don't remember them worth shit
Hair Color?: Naw!! I like my natural hair color.
Eye Color?: Is there where you put food coloring in your eyes? My eyes arn't food
Height?: Just tall enough to see over a small bush
Weight?: Gravity tends to pull on my fat ass harder when I'm on the scale
Body Type?: Fat Ass
Piercings?: MY DICK!!!! "Can I have another hole in my pecker?"
Tattoos?: I only use the rub on ones
What are you wearing right now?: Skin, hair, ink, a little axe, and tighty whities
Hair style at the moment?: all kinds of fucked up!! I kicked my barbers out of the club and went to get a hair cut from them a week later... Bad IDEA!!!
* Favorites *
Soda?: Jolt
Food?: yes please!!! I'm a fat ass!!
Drink?: Crannberry with a little Sapphire
Alcoholic Drink?: Sapphire with a little crannberry
Time of day?: Anytime the bars are open
Season?: Fall and Winter... Basically keep the hot fucking sun away!!!
Day of the week?: This is gay
Song at the moment?: This land was made for you and me. So get out!
Band/Artist?: The rubber bad. I know... They are so trendy. But hey! It's not their fault its a catchy name
Book?: Pictures only. Beyond the band of brothers, Return of the Quetzalcoatl
Subject in school?: Chemisty and History. I hate fucking math!
Place in the USA?: Your Moms House
Place outside the USA?: Spain. Costa Blanca
Color?: Bright Tangerine
Style of clothes?: There's a style? When the fuck did this happen?
Store?: Bed bath and beyond. They have a message chair there that you can sit on for hours and not pay for it
Mall?: The one across the street. It has a book store in it. 6 floors and a movie theater on the top floor
City?: IF San Deigo wasnt so fucking hot, that would be my fav.
Website?: www.two in the pink.com
Magazine?: seattle metro, times, hustler
Kind of pet?: Ferret.. I miss you kitty!!!! oh.. and my bunny
* Worst *
Place to be?: Your moms house
Class in school?: math dumb shit!! Cant you read!?!
Time of dayr?: I'm not sure what a "Dayr" is so FUCK OFF!
Season?: Summer.. but thats only when it gets over 70
Kind of pet?: and kind that i have to clean its shit up
Drink?: Tomato juice. Who the fuck came up with that??!!??
Food?: Lamb balls
Mall?: Yes
Store?: Over priced ones.
Style of clothes?: I hate when hot girls wear clothes. Whats the point of beeing hot if we can't see??
Celebrity?: Tom Broshaw
Color?: Puke
Book?: The ones without pictures!!
Type of music?: street bucket player
Website?: www.your girl is sucking my dick.com
Magazine?: Home living and playboy
* Daily Life *
When do you get up?: Whenever someone starts playing with my wenis
What is your first thought?: Do I tell her I gotta pee now or after shes done?
What do you do first?: Breath hot dragon breath at my toothbrush
What's your usual outfit?: paperbag and mittens
What's the first class of the day?: walking in the rain without getting wet 101
When does school end?: When I can't find anyone to fund my lazy ass
Do you see your friends?: Sometime. they all have those things where you show up and they give you money for being there.
What do you do when you get home?: Jerk off to naughty pictures
What time do you go to bed?: whenever the lights go out in my head
* Do you...*: give golden showers?? Yes.. Yes I do
Brush your teeth daily?: I use a wooden stick to scrape the plaque aways
Brush your hair daily?: the little I have? no
Shower daily?: You're supposed to?
Sing?: like a stepped on cat
Dance?: like a white guy
Party?: I have no time for that. There's to much drinking to do
Get drunk?: No!! Gosh is this a fucking rehab question? Go fuck yourself
Have sex?: If I can persuade a chick to sleep with me. then yes!!!
Read books?: Picture books have no words
Listening to music a lot?: To much. I can sing any tune from 1980 to now
Read magazines?: I only have Hustler for the ads
Go online a lot?: Some might say that
Stay on AIM all day even with an away message?: No. Try invisable
Have a religion?: The Chuch of Jason
Have an IPod?: I have a dell pod
Want an IPod?: The last thing I need to do is watch more porn in public
Have a Girlfriend/Boyfriend?: I've seen her naked. And shes missing a dick. so she can't be a boyfriend
Play an instrument?: the Clam flute
Get sick a lot?: I wish
Watch TV?: nope. funny things happen in the real world
Like MTV?: is that the music shit?
Like VH1?: Is that the country shit?
Like the History Channel?: Yes
Have Digital Cable?: Yes
Have more than 500 channels on your TV?: GOD!!! I hope not... It's always on the porn station
Listen to the radio?: nope
Still use your CD player?: to rip music yeah
Stalk people?: only when I want them dead!
Have more than 200 buddies on your Buddy List?: I'm cool.. but not that cool
Have dial-up internet?: haha.. Thank god for comcast
Have AOL?: HPV? No
Know HTML?: and some ti kwan do
Have a GPA higher than 3.9?: does a 3.4 count?
Get H's in honors classes?: Is that like a "HA" grade?
* Music *
Do you listen to Rap?: wiggy wiggy
R & B?: isn't that the same as rap?
Blues and/or Jazz?: I LOVE BLUES!!!!
Classical?: Only when I'm taking a crap
Pop?: humm... no?...
Country?: yes and by yes I mean no
Emo/Scremo?: Are you fucking with me? There is music that is EMO? BLAWHAAHHAHHAHA!!! Suckers
Heavy Metal?: Only light.. I'm on a diet.. So only greatwhite and wham
Christian?: Not unless the Church of Jason allows it
Techno?: no and by no, i mean no
Reggae?: maybe
Broadway Musical songs?: fuck this survey is LONG!!!
Oldies?: yes
* In A Boyfriend/Girlfriend *
Hair color?: I like my girls bald. I hate finding their hair all over my place
Eye color?: that does not reflect their jubble size
Tattoos?: I love hot chicks with tats
Piercings?: yes.. GOD YES!!!
Favorite Music?: Anything as long as its not that whiney girl shit
Style of clothing?: naked!! unless they have cool undies and jubblie holders
Body Type?: sexy
Personality or Looks?: Both.. Hot girls with bad personalities, get fucked!!
Would you go out with someone just for their money?: yes?.... Yeah!!! I'm shallow.. plus how else am I suppsed to make my morning crack sammich?
Do you go on "Pity Dates"?: fuck no.. That's why I'm at the movies alone.
Does size matter?: Yes.
Do they have to be popular?: As long as my dick likes them. who cares.
Does the guy ask the girl or the other way around?: Does it really fucking matter? I'm inventing a shirt with a "Will you date me? Y/N" logo
Where do you go on the first date?: To the kitchen. I need to see their domestic skills. MUAW HAHAHAHAH!!!
Kiss on the first date?: no
Sex on the first date?: no. I love my wenis to much just to give him away
* Right Now *
Do you think you look good right now?: no.. I hate my looks
Are you eating something?: nope
Are you drinking something?: water... hangovers suck
Are you IMing anyone?: My bunny
Are you talking on the phone with someone?: Talk, phone? You do realize they have texting availible now
Are you talking face to face with someone?: fuck no
Is anyone at your house who doesn't live there?: you mean like spiders and other nature things that DONT belong in the city?
What song are you listening to?: My posses' on broadway
What are you watching on TV?: Porn.. duh???
What other websites do you have open?: Myspace, spiceshots.net, this gay long survey site
Why are you taking this survey?: the voice in my head said he'd shot unles i do it
Where are you going to post it?: on the web dumb shit
What are you going to do after this?: Hit the pants store
* What do you Believe? *
Do you believe in ghosts?: yes.. i see them all the time...
The afterlife?: you'll find out before i will
Aliens?: Dude!! America has got to beef up the border patrols
God?: Of course
The devil?: of course
Heaven?: good heavens
Hell?: hell yeah
Scientology?: isn't science the study of something and ology is the latin word for study of? dumb asses
Hinduism?: Good cow
Buddhism?: Bad Cow
Christianity?: Eat Cow
Taoism?: Cow is never good or bad
Judism?: Cow was not born good
Jesus?: Cow has sinned but I can save Cow
Nothing?: Cow is Cow
Reincarnation?: Once A Cow, Always A Cow
Yourself?: Not a cow
* Randoms *
Have you been on an airplane before?: yes... 4 times that lasted 24hours each
Where were you going?: Iraq
Have you been to another country?: Bosnia, Kuwait, Kosovo, Germany, France, Swiss, Holland, Spain, Morrocco, Haiti, Mexico, and your moms house
Have you ever went to another country with your friends?: War buddies!!!
Have you ever partied in another country?: WAR BUDDIES!!!
Have you ever went on a roadtrip with your friends?: Convoy?
Ever stayed online more than 10 hours straight?: only once.. TO FILL OUT THIS SURVEY!!!
Pretended to like someone just to get popular?: hum... Sorry Jason. I just wanted to be cool like you!!
Talked about someone behind their back?: Sorry Larry. I said you had a 8 inch cock to some chick, knowing that it's really 9.2"
Had someone talk about you behind your back?: Of course... Likes like saying "Have you ever tried penut butter"?
Been in a fight online?: Fight? Online? Thats not a fight. A fight is when blood is spilled
Been in a fight face to face?: I love pure anger!!
Gotten yourself involved in a fight that wasn't about you?: no..
Been called a bitch?: God I hope not
Been called a slut/whore?: A whore... yes... a slut is more of a term of endearment for me
Been to Australia?: Where the fuck did this question come from?
Do you like snakes?: No!! I'm not gay!!
Ever cried to get your own way?: She said she would have sex with me until I showed some emotion... So I cried
Ever broken a bone?: Poor guy.. I bet that medical bill is a bitch to pay off
Ever had to stay in the hospital for more than a week?: thank god no.. hospital food? Blew
Ever had serious surgery?: only to remove my inner asshole. but it grew back
Ever looked a porn online?: Thats the only reason why I have internet access
Ever went to one of those "adult" stores?: I love those "Adult" stores. The have big fucking fake tittes
Ever bought clothes at Walmart?: amazingly enough, they are to expensive for me
Ever gotten clothes from the Salvation Army?: Does the regular army count?
Ever paid more than 100 dollars for a pair of jeans?: FUCK NO!!! Are you stupid!!!???
Ever been on stage for any reason?: I danced at Centerfolds. Bad memories!!!
Ever been in a play?: It feels like it every saturday
Ever been in a choir?: I can't sing
Ever been in a band?: yes
Do you play, or used to play, an instrument?: yes
Gotten a Brazilian Bikini Wax?: I have a dick!!
Waxed your eyebrows?: I have a dick!!
Waxed your legs?: I HAVE A DICK!!!
Cut yourself shaving?: yes
Have you ever died?: Is this a trick question?
Was this survey an good at all?: No, fuck no!!
What time is it right now?: 1515
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Bzoink - The Original Survey Site
What van Gogh painting most suits you?
Auvers Town Hall on 14 July 1890 (July 1890)
The scene is set for a celebration, but nobody has arrived.
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