*christine*

SCRIBBLES.IRONIES.INSCAPES.



so many roads...
so many detours...
so many choices...
so many mistakes...



i ponder the loss of stars in the night sky,
a smoked filled air tonight
for all of us
i weep for our loss.



"12.28.07"

yeap. that dreaded day.. special thanks to charm. two's a party yo. LOL. my last birthday cake with the actual candle blowing session was way back when i was 6. thanks! thanks joey and robert for having lunch with me and picking me up at work.. love yah guys too. for all those who remembered: much love to you all.. =) salamat.



i got a happy song! LOL. its christmas anyways.. =p easy on the booze y'all! have a good one! =)

today...

i went away...



i am the simplest variety of the complex kind..



if only i have the means..

HAPPY THANKSGIVING..



=_)





i wonder...

i wander...

and these ain't some pointless anecdotes.



"the despair of possibility"

a dream i just had last night. yes, i decided to give it its rightful title... and so, narcoleptic attacks decided to haunt me again. i gotta thank my sub-conscious for making up these nostalgic plays.. and i mean that sarcastically.

arrrgh.



i can feel the twinge right off my chest..

the sanctuary of my deep-seated pain..

my eyes inflamed trying to hold those tears back..

my sanity heaped with thoughts i can't even explain..

"011140"

- 10/15/07, L.P. -



mind-boggling entertainment, the start of a migraine, or your signal to drop everything and head for the hills to await the apocalypse?

i dunno. or will i ever know.



so i decided that, in line with my recent epiphany, on this trip would be the opposite of me. i made no plans whatsoever. i just packed enough cool-weather clothes for three days. (& for any given sudden clubbing plans, yes, i brought a dress with me).. i did not pack until 5 minutes before the trip - usually, i pack over a two or a day-period, in stealth, lest the cats my landlady keeps attack my luggage with claws and urine. this is completely antithetical to my nature. i like to prepare a scenario in advance. way in advance. like an invasion. with secondary and tertiary options.

to my complete shock everything turned out fine and now my world-view is off-kilter. thoughts of my friends back home caused emotional blackmail.. but i gotta be away. haha. nothing untoward happened despite the total absence of best-laid plans. how can i explain just how weird and out of character this is for me? i didn't even bring any house clothes/pambahay.. on my planet, that's what passes for Buddhist-like resignation..

love it here, but my hearts belongs somewhere there.. =p dang, i miss people. c u all soon.

o yeah, white wine tastes great.

ciao yo!

:]



to the "COOLEST" person i know. (yes, that's you JOHN!)ooooppss.. should that be spelled with K-E-W-L instead? hahaha.. it's been a year dude. HAHA. "sikretong malufet".. good times, good times. parang kelan lang eh noh?! isang taon na rin pala nakalipas. happy anniversary bro! i mean, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!! LOL.. =p "peace on earth yo!" we love you.

QUOTING JOHN:

"peace on earth"

C.

i'd say: no, it's not..

B.

the longest blog comment ever.

argh, sorry bro.

A.

bear in mind that these are just temporal anomalies.. and that everything will eventually come to pass. in case you can't get it all up together, I'M JUST HERE. as always.

PLEASE BE STRONG. 'til then my friend. i'll miss you.. and i understand..



why they love to linger on one's mind?

must it be that they express a personal observation/ emotion which is regularly verified by empirical evidence?

i dunno.. and i will continually wonder..



why do i continually go through haze? the more you try to run away, the more they haunt you. =( and its even worse now.. god, i hate this.. wish i could run away.. and just leave it all behind.. i wish..


i barely see the sun lowered from the clouds now. mornings are throbbed with just scarlet lights and freezy air. i can barely feel the sun's rays on my skin.

this is an unsightly portent. walking in the morning makes it harder for me everyday. my tonsils are sore. i experience severe coughing. and just tonight, I caught colds while on my way home. this is some sort of fever I guess.. again, my body temperature’s not in sync with the normal..

as much as i wanna stay in bed and rest, i can’t give up a day’s work. i will continually summon myself in times of need. it’s about mental economy. conserve your strength. identify the crucial moment. strike! gawd, what am I saying… weather change makes me sick. relentlessly.

or must i keep in mind what has been told in my household? it's all in the mind.

sana nga..

the perils of stress. the perils of stress.



G.


i must say... i love the freeway! weee! makes me miss my car more.. nevertheless, *good times*. yes, i didn't kill us on the freeway. trust me.. =D i'm a good driver. *wink.wink*

this ain't such a warped and bizarre world.. (i'd like to claim that).. we must understand everything. but oftentimes we shouldn't feign. actions should still be accompanied by words.. just so to prevent intoned complex insights. its already understood. but understanding can never be complete. i'm such a retroactive bonhomie. then again, i just heard my subconscious speaking to me.. girl, get a life! yes, i am getting one. its too expensive and risky though. but i am getting one.

relentless melodrama.. the sheer grinding obviousness.. wall to wall cliches.. twist it and turn it in whichever way and it all boils down to the same old banana flavored cream pie..

i remembered. i shouldn't give away to fear. what's to fear anyway? none. absolutely none.

my subconsiousness resounding itself again.

define surrealism?..


*sigh* i'm stuck at home again.. nobody's home. argh. watta layf.. call me if u'r bored.. who wants to watch a movie? my treat. i am frustrated! LOL. =p

JOEY & ROBERT: sorry i wasn't able to go to the movies with you guys.. =s i thought they were leaving yesterday.. they left today.. so, i am home alone and all you guys got work.. *sigh*

JOEY: thank you for the big favor!! i ran out of energinseng coffee so i have to ask you to buy for me! (i am after the discount). =) i have the receipt so i'll pay you when i see you okay? thank you so much, bro... u still owe me halo-halo!

CHARM: last friday was really fun with you.. hehe.. *revelations* hehe. oh well.. there's a purpose why we are friends.. G? G. i won't miss you as much! LOL. i just see you once a week anyways.. whether or not i am away from home.. so, yeah.. 'til next friday sister.. call me every night. for sure i'll be bored there as hell..

MARE: hoy!! long time no see.. =p hahaha. o wait, i think i saw you last friday? hmmm... (i wasn't wearing my glasses actually. so, i can't see a thing. hehe!) i'll see you next week, yeah? tawagan..

NELSON: thanks thanks! pasensya ka na samin ni charm. may permit na ako!! waaaah!! =D

*I AM JUST A CALL/TEXT AWAY..* hmmm? tc everyone.





click the icon. i'll tell u a secret.

---------------------------------------- SOCIOPATH mode turned on. told'yah. my brain incurred some heavy damages for the past days. hand me those Lysols please. i'd be needing them to clean my head off its congested whatnots.. it requires some serious reformatting and to think i am still under the symptoms of severe sleeplessness.. i'm trying to get a hold of it.. my patience i mean.. i can still endure.. forgive me in advance if i'd be a sociopathic lot in front of you. it's not my fault. im trying to be a little meek.. I AM insane meek.. i think i'll retreat.. broaden my horizons.. and lock myself up in the sacred bedroom.. sociopaths are sometimes harmful. think the other way. i'm tryna protect you. ciao.



my tears, unreserved..
freely descending from these sullen eyes.
such sudden enigmatic dose of solace..
no words can even contain how much i am thankful..
*THANK YOU*


can't wait.

was in DISNEY the entire day with my family. =) i feel so distressed right now but i gotta finish some work. i should hand in my proposals by tomorrow. *stress* 'twas a lot of fun today though.. i felt like a kid again. it's one thing i'll never grow tired of.. seeing the fireworks display was the best way to call the day off.. it was so surreal... so nostalgic..


joey called me & robert early in the morning (9:30am - yeah, that was early. i slept around 4:30 in the morning.) just to wake us up.. we were supposed to see a movie but we decided to go and have lunch at huntington beach. we called charm but she got work =(. so, off we went.. it was fun. i just didn't enjoy my food. haha.. tnx, bros.

NEW BLOG. i wanna dance again.. and... indeed.

MESSAGE TO A FRIEND: *hug*

BORED. CALL ME FOR COFFEE..

i am sorry. we are sorry. i love you guys. you know who you are... i've been really feeling down right now.. thinking of backing down, going away.. but no.. i can't afford to lose people like you two.. i am deeply sorry. we all are.. i am happy we were able to talk. cry. and redeem our friendship. i hope so... it's super madrama i know. but drama is good. at the right time and place. and maybe, God let those things happen to open our eyes.. because we should. i gotta say this: i love you guys. i do. and i thank you for being there. for being mature..and holding strong..

I GUESS I'M REALLY BACK! =)yay!

FILIPINOS REPRESENT!!! =D thanks for all your prayers and support guys. we made it to the top.. =) yipee!
i posted a new blog. you guys might wanna check it out. haha. we are leaving for malaysia tomorrow morning! please pray for our crew, okay? we are gonna work our asses off and dance as if it were the last dance we're ever gonna do.. in my case though, it might be.. so.. hey.. i'm gonna try to bring it on.. at least i'd try.. =D hehehe,, i beg you, just pray for us. it would be a big help.. and TO CHARM: advance happy birthday girl! i'd be calling you from singapore so keep your phone open.. or else, u won't get your present when i get back. i love u gurl. u know what i mean.. ciao yo! im off. gotta go rehearse now. bye!!!
few more days before the competition and i got sick again. what is wrong with me?! argh. i hate this.. but i won't give away to my weaknesses. after all, i should brave this all out right? i'm gonna be fine. i'm claiming that. pray for me please. pray for your little, old, sickly friend.. /ciao..

"no sense of reason (some think that's true).. why did u have to believe them.." the song reminds me of lotsa things and lotsa memories..hmmm... good times... *sigh* yes, im outta my mind.. happy 4th of july everyone. hope you all had a good one.

I'M BORED. I'M BORED. the last movie i watched was spiderman.. 2 months ago already?! no way! i better get a life soon. i watched some dvds today. they made me shed some tears. argh.. me and my shallow tears.. =s i'm getting my new eyeglasses today! yey! =D i'm gonna be quiet busy for the week. missed rehearsals for some days coz i'm sick. will be back to train maybe tomorrow.. better start moving coz my body's so frail.. as my horoscope says: "Now that you've seen this unhealthy pattern in your life, it's up to you to seek a different path. Lay out your game plan. Try it on for size, then see what changes you need to make. Soon you'll have this taken care of." see... it speaks well of what's happening. i'm gonna go back to training! yeah. dance! the competition will be in two weeks. yikes!

my horoscope: "The only way to achieve a good outcome to this situation is to face your fears." "Longing for the past? Those 'might have beens' are so seductive, but you have to get past the illusion and deal with the reality of where you are now. Leave memories where they belong and pay attention to the present." i got this habit of reading horoscopes from Joey. haha. i'm not blaming you brotha.. sometimes.. it speaks well enough of what's happening. right? i mean, not just sometimes. most of the time actually.. it's scary though.. awwww.. how time flies by so fast.. it's already July.. so many things happening, i barely notice that the clock is ticking away.. i dunno what to expect.. i'm excited and scared at the same time... *sigh* again, i should not give away to fear.. i must keep on telling myself that. hmmm..

i've been sick for almost two weeks now. lotsa misfortunes happening around here but its all cool.. trauma + insomnia isn't good, i'm telling you. stray away from sleepless nights if u can. it's bad for your health.. =p i can't wait to get back! i miss you all. i'll see u guys real soon! let's hit the beach.. treat me out for coffee.. or come watch world hiphop with me.. yeah?/ciao!