missile girl

read for slight insight: ...living life to the fullest. "spring cleaning" my friends, only to keep the strongest bonds who help me on a daily basis. i don't like people without opinions. don't follow me and my friends around. hanging out with us won't make you cool. please don't buy me drinks. and please leave my name out of your mouth, even though i know it'll be on the tip of your tongue for at least another few months. you can only gossip so much. eventually everyone will realize your stories aren't fact-related, due to the fact that we haven't conversed in, well, forever. i wish all of you happiness and clarity of mind. we won't hate each other forever. in fact, i know we don't hate each other now. you've just heard stories, and wanted them to have veracity so you could make yourself hate me. they're not true... understanding dynamics that make or break a relationship early on is a key factor in life. hopefully, i'll be better in realizing what works, and what doesn't. i'm glad all of you have finally become friends. obviously you have a lot to talk about, with everything from dating each other's girlfriends, to trendy tattoos , having previous friendships with me and "smoking 15 bong hits together!!!" wow! money is necessary in today's society. only a fool would believe you can survive on love alone. well, i guess in your case you're satisfied constantly complaining about your husband, having him make important decisions without regarding you, and having your "closest" friends talk about how no one believes the words from your mouth. good luck! i'm sorry i let you down. i'm sorry i wasn't pretty enough, and didn't make enough money. i know i was smart enough. i'm doing better now, but i know i'll always let someone down- which is upsetting but accecptable. i need more people in my life who excel at spelling. and math. maybe i should stop being a stripper and go back to school!? nah. i could dance for another year, then go back to school, and still be closer to a degree then you. and i'll have a luxury apartment, a car with a.c(!!!), months off to study and no student loans (since i can pay 'em off immediately). ahh, peace of mind. life's too short. stop following the today's mold you believe so righteous. high school, marriage, getting pregnant, college. you're not even 25!!! maybe have some fun?! travel? make some cash? maybe not. maybe be homely and bland and stuck in your rut for ever and ever and ever... that last week house sitting with you told me a lot. i wanted what you said to be so true, but i guess we were jacked up, and it's okay to lie when your a drug addict, right!? i'm crushed it wasn't true. i like hanging out with old friends. the only reason we stopped being friends was because i got caught up in some nasty shit. and now i'm clean of it. i hope your friends are still in to it because it's buying me sneakers. tell 'em i said "thanks!" i was grimey when you met me, so don't act like you're "surprised how i've changed." my best friend is one hundred per cent non judgemental and provides me with endless love. she takes my jokes only so seriously. she's not an idiot. she's human. i'm human. and finally happy.