Well, my story is no different than anybody else's. You've heard it all before. I was born in a test tube during a highly classified cloning experiment in the late 70's. Made from an equal amount of DNA scraped from the butt-holes of John Ritter and FOX 8 News anchor Leon Bibb, I spent the early years of my life in an incubator breathing a synthetic oxygen made from human urine and Elmer's Glue, which smelled very similar to a kangaroo fart on a humid day. In 1982 I was purchased off the black market by a member of the band Duran Duran and used as a stage prop for the highly acclaimed "REFLEX" tour. My first sexual experience came in 1986 when I was mistaken for a circus dwarf and used in the pornographic smash hit "Three Men and a Baby" which the title, due to copyright infringement laws, was later changed to "Logjammin'". In 1991 I was married to the love of my life Joni. My life was everything I had hoped it would be, until that fateful labor day party in 1998 when I discovered Joni had a penis. Joni then divorced me, and won alomony, on the grounds that I was a homosexual. In 2002 while looking back on my life experience, I realized I was cut out to be only one thing...............A ROCK STAR!And of course the sun rises and sets on the one person who loves me no matter what I am.....my wife Meg! We have been through it all, and are fully prepared to go through it again IF NECESSARY! We have 2 little girls, and were not embarrassed to admit that they are both cooler than we are!I love: my wife, my kids, music, my manager(sometimes), my pianos, Herb Sewell, holding 3rd world countries hostage for their oil, and watching others sing Karaoke!I hate: cheap toilet paper, people who don't wash there hands then try to feed you fresh fruit, car trouble, my paychecks, peeing in pop cans, watermelon seeds, people who try to hold a door open for you even though your still really far away, electric hand dryers that shut off just before your hands are dry, "HIPPIES" that listen to techno, and people who say for shizle my nizzle!
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