SteveSKEE

FOR LAST SEASONS RULES PLEASE REFER TO MY BLOG!!! CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!!!**Saying SIIIIIIIIIIICK like an idiot is NOT allowed by anyone except me! THAT’S MINE..SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC K!!!!!!!!Rules Spring Summer 08: Welcome to the Rules of Spring/Summer 2008!!! PLEASE CONSIDER THE FOLLOWING A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT!! If I offend you it probably means I’m right and you take yourselves too seriously. Many of my rules are new but some I must repeat because the message has obviously failed to reach you! SO MANY OFFENSES THIS SEASON, you people are out of control! We’ve lost perspective people, too much Hills and Tila Tequila has numbed our brains and judgment! PLEASE read carefully and take note, it’s for your own good!Here goes!!!!! SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIK!!!!!!!… rule one, STOP pestering me about when the rules will be posted. They have a life of their own and its beyond my control. So just chill and let the magic happen. We continue… Let’s please be DONE with those high waisted jeans. they don’t look good and only serve to highlight your CAMEL TOE! Unless you have a bubble butt, it just makes you look like you have a flat elongated ass, nobody wants to see that please. Oh, and you chix with your Oversized sunglasses, first off stop forcing them, and second thanks to the publication of my rules guys have smartened up, we know that you’re attempting the Sunglass Fake Out! Well we’re on to you and we’re not falling for it this year! Please please enough with the g’dam skinny jeans, you had 3 years of them being in style, we don’t like them, especially if you’re short and fat, just stop it already! Hard nipples need to make a come back, I mean what’s happened to them, they’re amazing, do what u gotta do, picture me naked if you have to, whatever it takes to get those suckers (literally) up. LADIES, If you’re going to wear shorts this season, please, please take that extra moment to consider if you really should be. If there seems to be anything resembling cottage cheese please save us all from having to point and whisper about you and don’t wear them. I still don’t get why I’m seeing girls with their Toes hanging off the ends of your shoes! WTF! Have you not learned, even you jersey and long island chix by now should’ve figured out how uncomfortable that makes us. And if you’re going to wear heels then please please please try not to look like an idiot walking in them. I don’t care how nice your legs look, if you walk like a waddling duck then I have to tell you, that is a total deal breaker! And enough with the LC pregnant look, those shirts are awful! From now on we’re just going to assume you’re fat and trying to cover it up! Those hard-tail work out pants are not fair, they make every girl look like she has a perfect ass. Totally misleading!! I wont make mention of the Muffin Tops again this season because I know Spring just started and you’re still working on them, but by Memorial Day please tuck that shit in! This season I think I’m going to allow the Camel Toe! We’ll call it the other cleavage! Toe rings are still awkward, sorry…Hey, Lets try and wax that upper lip, bleach doesn’t cut it, we do notice trust me! Also stop complaining that you’re fat all the time, and then make us take you out for dinner as a prerequisite to getting laid..this season I say let’s skip the food and go straight to bed…save everyone the trouble! HEY!! ALL you Good looking people, you NEED to start having some personality.. your looks aren’t getting u that far anymore…There’s a place called LA where I you might still be able to impress people, but save us the trouble over here! Stop fighting with me over text and IM.. pick up a phone and spend a minute and a half to chew me out… And why the hell are people so g’dam brave behind their computer!! Stop taking compliments as insincere or an obvious ploy to sleep with you. I’m just a nice guy, ever consider that.. but at the same time Stop being so stupid.. if I tell you u that you have nice eyebrows its because I want to sleep with you.. figure it out!! Are chix still wearing pointy shoes?? I honestly hope not, I’ve told you over and over, they’re AWFUL, please please please ENOUGH, I will not mention them in my rules anymore I will just spit on you if I see them! No guys in sandals please this season.. I don’t care how much u spent on your pedicure unless you’re going to the beach don’t wear them! And guys, there is no heterosexual reason to ever use the word “fabulous” to describe anything! Enough with the krispy hair ladies.. tame that shit or stop blow drying and dying it every day! AND Can we manage that asshole hair please.. Brazilian that shit! Some of you are abusing your Sephora privileges and wearing too much fucking make up! I will rub ur face into the wall during sex and create an art piece if you abuse it… the natural look is in unless you’re ugly, in which case foundation is your friend.. Open backs are sooooooo HOT! Even with a little pudge you can pull it off with vigilantly maintaining a good posture. Hey, Stop looking hot in clubs and ugly when we wake up next to you.. Stop getting pissed when someone bumps into you in a crowded club, get over yourself you’re in a club! U SLUTS, Stop hooking up with a guy just because your friends think he's hot! Stop bitching about how places "are so not your scene” but then refuse to leave ... nobody asked you to be there in the first place! PLEASE Don’t ask where I’m going and come along then bitch when we get there…ever consider that nobody wanted you there in the first place?!.. WHORES! AND, Why can’t u have fun if your not getting all the attention…instead u get pissy and ruin your friends time cause you act like a selfish BIATCH! Knife and forking your pizza or doing the pizza fold-over is in NO WAY allowed this season! Girls, STOP thinking that getting a pizza slice with spinach means your eating healthy, that’s why you have fat bulges hanging over your jeans aka muffin top! And trust me even when you think you have it all pushed in we still see it! WHATS the deal with all these people who start telling u health advice when they really don’t know shiiiit…And all you Buzz kill and Debbie downer people, stop fucking being so miserable and trying to bring the rest of us down with you! GET LAID perhaps, or maybe masterbate if you aren’t capable of finding a partner! Yoo, if you’re a Stranger DON’T tell me how to do something! I HATE THAT! If you’re gonna wear a tube top make sure they’re not smushing your poor tits..Hate when I c that it makes me so uncomfortable for them..dont do that, let those bad boys out to breath a little..If you’re going to run your hand through your hair while we’re speaking I’m gonna assume your flirting with me so unless you’re trying to get in my pants try not to do that. If you NEED to let one rip in a crowded elevator this season let that fartage go, last season I held one in and had stomach cramps all day..NOT happening again. If you’ve seen the movie before please don’t keep announcing this part coming up is amazing.. great you’ve seen it, your special, let me give you a sticker, a shiny one even or better yet an old school scratch and sniff.. Just cause I tell you about the great deal I just got on my gym membership doesn’t mean your fat and need to work out, but you should probably take the hint!!! And whats up with all you people who go to a club to have a conversation..NO..please.. I don’t want to talk to you here..wtf! Stop telling me you’ll discuss it with me in the club when I see you… That’s why I go there, so I don’t have to talk to people! LEAVE ME ALONE! AND DON’T tell me you need to talk if you’re not prepared to listen and take my advice, you just love hearing yourself speak so much??? Don’t EVER complain about there being too many people in the frozen food section…YA YOU, that tall blond bitch in Food Emporium 3 weeks ago! YOU’RE IN NEW YORK!! move the FUCK back to Hicksville Indiana will ya!!! Why’d you come here if too many people bothered you! Doing number 1 and number 2 at the same time is TOTALLY allowed as well this season, if you can coordinate it to save time more power to you, for you more advanced dumpers, throw in blowing your nose at the same time if you have serious skills. Staring at people is fine but can we try to be a little less obvious about it this season. It’s super uncomfortable when I see people fixated on the bulge in my pants, I CANT HELP IT!! Rude waiters like at Coffee Shop are totally out, I’m not putting up with it. Not that I’m better than you, but for that moment you are serving me food, YOU ARE MY BITCH so stop being so fucking nasty and earn your tip. And waiters try to wait until I leave before you look in the book to see how much I tipped you. Assholes! WTF IS UP with these g’dam Cab drivers who get pissed when I use my credit card..hey buddy..sorry..I didn’t give you a hard time when they raised the rates a couple years ago so please drive and shut the fuck up. And FUUUUUUUCKING SSSSSSSTOP ROLLING UP..If I say stop here..dammit STOP the fucking car you rolling up pieces of SHIT! Sorry, I’ll take it eeeeeeeasssss…To all you deli owners, stop putting in tomatoes with that end piece of stem in it..its like biting into a chicken finger with a bone. Stop looking at me weird if I’m doing sake bombs at a nice sushi place..sorry I’m not as civilized as you talking about politics with a stick up your ass. If your gay, which I’m cool with, please STOP trying to convert us…It’s not happening, Whats the deal with you guys, why the FUCK wont you just accept it! That’s why some people aren’t very tolerant of you! Do your thing and leave us out of it. Hey, you stupid bitches, read this one carefully, STOP blaming shit on being drunk! We’ve all heard and used that one before, so when you’re being double penetrated by 2 guys while cheating on your boyfriend, maybe try to come up with a better excuse! If you’re gonna commit to giving a blow job then please understand what you are getting yourself into and don’t stop or complain that your tired until you are finished. Know this, every fucking time you stop we have to start all over again!!! SOOO annoying! HEY, listen up! DON’T YOU DARE rush me when I’m taking a dump..little respect please…when that door shuts and you hear the fan please pretend I’m not there. I don’t care if we have dinner reservations in 15 minutes that’s MY time and you won’t mess it up for me. YO Guys, I don’t care how drunk, ripped or hot please please don’t take off your shirt in a club, even a wife beater is unacceptable. PLEASE don’t clip your nails in public! As long as another guy has struck out with a girl, it is ALLOWED this season to make fun of his game if it helps you get laid! Why are all guys saying she’d be so hot if she lost 5-10 pounds…it’s not such a big deal!!! Just stop being so lazy and do it already. This one is pretty serious so please listen carefully, THIS SEASON it is imperative that you get the DOUBLE CONFIRMATION CLEAN WIPE! I know in your past wipage experience when you pull out with a clean sheet of TP you assume your all good, but I know from personal track mark experience, there’s a good chance you left a little behind, Often on the side.. so as a MINIMUM please go back in there for a second opinion! If you’re gonna be black at least have a big cock! Like rami from project runway, enough with dam draping people! HEY, I know according to ShopBop they’re one of the must haves of the season but trust me those are chix who tell you that, if you want guys to think you look good, then please NO MORE GLADIATOR SANDALS!! TOO MUCH FEET! We don’t want to be exposed to that amount of footage…hide it a little..less is more…ladies you know how you make fun of slutty looking guidettes, well the same rules apply to your feet..u FOOT WHORES, COVER THEM UP!! Sweaty sex..If a guy sweating during sex bothers you then there’s a couple things you should know..first you probably are being a slut and just having a random hook up cause that shit shouldn’t bother u if u actually liked the person.. Secondly, it probably means you’re getting fucked pretty hard and good so stop being a typical complaining chick and just shut the F up and ENJOY.. And lastly, it probably means you’re being a LAZY WHOOORE so get off your cellulite filled ass and get on top and you do all the F’king work! And what is up with this recent trend of lazy chix in bed..I mean its getting out of control! Even when we’re on the bottom it seems like we’re still doing all the work…Who THE FAK told you it was ok for you to be on top and relax..Are you trying to make yourselves feel better by going on top and pretending to do work?! WTF! NO! WHO ARE YOU KIDDING, If your on top commit to actually doing something! DUDE, What is up with this bad breath, I mean there are so many advances and products to help with that!! PLEASE, if you think there’s a chance you may have it, then you 10000% have halitosis so get something done..if it happens ALL the time, then you should probably seek professional help Jon, cause there’s something rotting in your stomach!! This season ONLY, after you floss you ARE allowed to sniff the floss.. the reason is so you can know what rotting nastiness is in your mouth!!! Maybe you’ll think twice about being a whore and randomly making out with some guy every time your drunk! Hey, If you’re gonna be fat have the decency to hide it please! O, this one NEEDS to be addressed, PEOPLE, and I mean everyone not just the psychotic chix, YOU MUST SSSTOP taking facebook so dam seriously!!! Every picture posted and change of status is not out to get you so stop caring you!! And stop tagging me, who the F do you think you are to impose your feelings on me, where do you get off tagging me, I will do my own tagging thank you! Ladies..its the summer so can we please get a little tolerance and sympathy for our sweaty balls..it’s going to happen, so please lets not make a big deal over them or if I have to adjust in the middle of the street. Just cause I don’t say your name, it doesn’t mean it’s a mass text..so get over yourself cause even if it is you’re still not cool enough to ignore me! Duuude, please Stop itching in public..or at least be discreet about it..everytime u itch it makes me feel like I have a rash and I get itchy and FREAKED OUT..show a little consideration people! Girls…please listen carefully to this one.. PLEASE please stop saying to a guy..THERES NO WAY IM HOOKING UP WITH YOU.. maybe u haven’t learned but that the kiss of death..as soon as we hear those words immediately in our minds we fast forward to the next day where we’re high fiving all our boys telling them the story of how hard we fucked you the night before.. just know that the moment those words leave your mouth it’s a 10000% guarantee that we’re getting laid.. Hey, guys, If you fuck a girl in the bum, it's polite to wipe any shit off your dick before you put it back in her mouth!! AND.. For all you fucking chix who think you’re such hot shit..I just want to let you know something.. THEYRE STILL MAKING THAT MODEL..Its not ever going to be discontinued, so when you think your irreplaceable you are dead wrong... maybe we’ll find a model with different options, maybe a sunroof or leather interior or maybe I’m in the mood for a convertible but just keep in mind a new model is coming off the assembly line every minute. Guys, If you finger a girl in a club its acceptable only this season to let your friends smell your fingers afterwards, some of view have not taken my past dietary advice on how to keep your shit smelling good and this rule needs to be in place to make sure we have a smelly-vaj-free society! Please message me in confidence if you want me to take through whats foods you should be eating to ensure a great smelling…AND tasting vj! HEY…IF YOU HAVE EXPLOSIVE DHIARHEA during sex, IT IS NOT polite to offer it as a lubricant!!! Guys, If you’re gf lets you cum on her face and truly enjoys it, that’s grounds for staying faithful to her forever..(ladies take note, this is how to keep your man!) This season for dinner its ok to substitute real food for an entire pint of ben and jerry or Hagaz Daz as long as that’s all you eat. Guys, If your going to have sex with two different girls in the same day ..for this season only, its acceptable to go WITHOUT a shower in between if you can get away with it. HEY! Swamp ass as a lubricant is IN this season !! if you’re girl dries up during a long session it’s ok to offer your ass sweat as a lubricant. Escalator rule needs to be repeated … pretty simple people .. KEEP RIGHT, PASS LEFT! Masturbation in front of your partner is totally IN this season… we love to see that shit !! and it’s educational… we take note trust me!! FINALLY…AS ALWAYS.. BLUE BALLS ARE TOTALLY FORBIDDEN!!************************************************* ***********************************************.. Home | Browse | Search | Invite | Film | Mail | Blog | Favorites | Forum | Groups | Events | Videos | Music | Comedy | Classifieds