Jessica profile picture

Jessica

I am sending you this ornamental hot dog as a goodbye gift. I can guarantee that this dog would be e

About Me


I would like to start off by saying I AM FUCKING AWESOME.I am in an awesome one man air band. Pelvic thrust! Uh! Wednesday nights are my date night. I have a robot vagina. I like pink ironically. I am a turophile, always have been, always will be. I enjoy songs from commercials. I make it my business to find out who the artist is on an especially good commercial song. It has been said there is a Zoolander quote for every occasion. I have found that to be true.. Skee Ball, along with PEZ, are my drugs of choice. I like to draw, and paint. My parents buy fancy cheeses. I have stopped biting my nails. I love big plastic rings, and any crap that glows in the dark. My current obsession is hours and hours of internet poker. I do OK for myself. I have the hands of an 80 year old. I hate when people define themselves by the music they listen to. I feel that giving your kid a mullet is akin to child abuse. I would love to procrastinate more, but I just keep putting it off. I respect animals more than people, but I'm not a vegetarian. I'm pretty much a tom boy that wears very expensive underwear. When I was in third grade, I was sarcastic at a ninth grade level. Karaoke is where it's at. Oral Hygiene is HOT. I kinda wish I was a pirate , arrrrr? I get pulled over by the cops alot....while I'm walking. I own way too many CDs and DVDs. The more awesome times you can use the word awesome in an awesome sentence, the more awesome that awesome sentence is.

My Interests



Farts.

Working at the torture chamber of flavor. I am obsessed with lip gloss, lip balm, lip stick (It's nearly a sickness...nearly??? It IS a sickness). I also like cherry flavored anything.
I also like pajama pants, muscle cars, roller coasters, sushi, the night sky, lightning, heavy rain, movies, stealing things, playing Scattagories, writing obscene haiku, and being the bass in my a capella techno group. I also like saying, I also like.

I WILL KARAOKE THE SHIT OUT OF ANYTHING

I dig piercings and tattoos. I have a few of both.
I am a huge DORK, and I embrace my dorkitude.
I have a pottymouth.. FUCK! But then I feel bad for swearing, so I PGify my cussing, and I say stuff like FART KNUCKLE!! or DINGLE FACE!!!
One of my favorite things is when a song in a movie completely exemplifies the whole feel of the the film. Such as "Mirror in the Bathroom" in Grosse Point Blank, or " Magic Man" in Virgin Suicides. There are alot more examples out there, but those are two good ones.
I once won a can of Spam from BI-MART, during lucky number Tuesday. I am pretty sure that puts me right into the top echelons of society.....

I'M 100% DISEASE FREE.................
maybe.
adopt your own virtual pet!

I'd like to meet:

SEND ME A LINE BEFORE YOU ADD ME. MOST OF THE PEOPLE ON MY FRIENDS LIST I TALK TO ON A DAY TO DAY BASIS. Except for Skeletor, I don't talk to him so much.
I want to meet any and all members of the SFB. Mostly Ronda , Amy,and Deb .
Met them, they rock.

Other bad motherfuckers that love the DDC.
You can join my groups. They are awesome.
Ladies Skee Ball League
Adults Who Love Enchanted Forest, and Aren't Ashamed to Admit it
Pirate Adventure,3-D, Blacklight, Mini-Golf
And my personal favorite:
Extreme Candy Fanatics 5000
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEX WITH THESE GROUPS
Just kidding...

Music:

I HATE PHIL COLLINS
60% of the time, I rock ALL the time. I like classic rock, basically anything and everything that was released in the 70's (emphasis on FUNK, your rock and roll music, and..fuck it. I love disco too.), 80's metal, 80's pop, 80'S rap, electronica, and alot of music. So much music, in fact, I can't even begin to name it all.
My favorite band is Electric Mayhem.

Bands I Love, and Can't Live Without

Led Zeppelin
Beck
Aesop Rock
The Beatles
Talking Heads
Cream
Heart
Jamiroquai
WEEN
Pink Floyd
Guns N Roses
Tenacious D

Movies:

Movies Associated With These People
The Coen Brothers
M. Night Shyamalan
Sophia Coppola
Farts
Charlie Kaufman
The Farrelly brothers
Jim Henson
Todd Phillips
Trey Parker/Matt Stone
The Flying Circus
Kevin Smith
Judd Apatow
Tim Burton
Quentin Tarantino
Guy Ritchie
Mel Brooks
Christopher Guest
Wes Anderson
Lorne Micheals
Alfred Hitchcock

My top twenty or so movies are probably:
Goonies
Silence of the Lambs
Spinal Tap
Napoleon Dynamite
Zoolander
The Big Labowski
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Anchor Man
Princess Bride
American Psycho
UHF
Bedknobs and Broomsticks
Hot Fuzz
American Beauty
Garden State
Juno
Amelie
Pick of Destiny
Everything is Illuminated
Lars and the Real Girl
Super Troopers

Television:



Lots, and LOTS of Reno-911. I have no life, so the television is my only real friend, so I watch a lot of it. Mostly cartoons, you know, 'cause I'm nearly 30. The Simpsons, South Park, ADULT SWIM (Futurama, Family Guy, Metapocalypse, Fart, Moral Orel, Robot Chicken, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, GREAT JOB!), Ghost Hunters, Arrested Developement, The Office, Scrubs, My Name Is Earl, CSI (not Miami, or even New York, really.), Monk, Psyche, Burn Notice, House, Flight of the Conchordes, Matlock, a little show called MURDER SHE WROTE?? Hello? BONES, Chuck, Lost, SNL, Ugly Betty, 30Rock, Overhaulin', Adventures of Pete and Pete, Penn & Tellers Bullshit, Old School cartoons, Dark Wing Duck, Tail Spin, Duck Tails, Rescue Rangers, HE-MAN, Jem, and Transformers, and the likes..also Earthworm Jim, and Samurai Pizza Cats, may they rest in peace...sniff.

Books:

There's a tiger in my book. There's a lion in my book. There's a sneaky alligator I can spy on in my book. Sometimes all I need is a book to read. The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox, and I'm trying to open a center for kids who can't read good, and want to learn how to do other stuff good too.

Heroes:


Two words: Chuck Mangione.
Kat Von D, Ted Levine, Rube Goldberg, Thurman Merman, John Cusak, Bruce Campbell, Brak, Tina Fey, Edward Haas, Jack Black, Matt Groening, Demetri Martin, Conan O'Brien, Chunk, and Sting. Sting is my hero. I don't listen to his music, but that fact that he's out there making music.....I respect that.

My Blog

A little experiament.

So, as I approach 30, I realize I am single. Realize? Agonize over the fact I am single. Just as a lark, I decide to make a profile on chemistry.com. First five matches free! So, I type in my info, an...
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 23 Jun 2008 07:44:00 PST

July 18th

Who's going to be my "Dark Knight" date??
Posted by Jessica on Sun, 22 Jun 2008 09:51:00 PST

Waste of Space

Have you ever had a really good friend that you totally lost respect for because of the low life crap they started dating? I am seriously about to punch a bitch, and it may come down to that.
Posted by Jessica on Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:25:00 PST

Fu Manchu

I have no idea why, but I just drew a sweet, sweet, Fu Manchu style moustach on my face. Of course, it didn't wash off properly, and it looks like I have a rampant case of black heads all around my mo...
Posted by Jessica on Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:23:00 PST

POOP FART BALLS

I am having a rampant OCD attack, and I need to busy my fingers, so I am going to write the most pointless, and random blog  ever created! Marzipan! I don't have any idea what to say in this blog...
Posted by Jessica on Fri, 13 Jun 2008 11:41:00 PST

Alright, this is the one that broke me.

I am crying now. I have never heard such hurtfull words. Subject: emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo em...
Posted by Jessica on Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:16:00 PST

HAHAHAHA

The world's  most idiotic hate mail keeps coming! I haven't laughed this hard in ages!emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo emo e...
Posted by Jessica on Tue, 10 Jun 2008 09:11:00 PST

Birthday??

In lew of birthday presents for my glorious 30th birthday, I want to hire a photographer to capture our great night of partying! I know it's weird to ask for something for my birthday ( I never normal...
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 09 Jun 2008 08:59:00 PST

Whoa

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22) You can be quite skillful in your dealings with others, but sometimes you give up your personal power by attempting to make everyone else feel good. Today yo...
Posted by Jessica on Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:49:00 PST

His REAL name is...

HANNIBAL
Posted by Jessica on Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:09:00 PST