i don't know how to do nothing. that is not meant as bad grammar. i mean i can't sit still. i don't know how to do no thing. i have a creative bent. i have too many projects in my head. i start a lot of things but somehow never finish them. i wish for more time to get more things done, but when i have time i can't think of anything to do. i make to do lists. to read lists. to make lists. to see lists. i tend to make films, usually documentaries, sometimes experimental films. i wish i knew more animation. i want to update my website badly.
i can't stand ignorance. i can't stand narrow-minded people even more. my biggest pet peeve is apathy.
i keep things pretty personal. people get upset that i don't go out anymore. i like sharing my life with only a handful of people. i feel i give more of myself to them that way. i don't like rushing my time with people. i don't like rushing my life in general. but somehow time is flying by. somehow i have no time for anything. when i was younger, time felt like it stood still.
i need to learn to relax.
i think i'm developing a mild case of dyslexia. i used to be better at spelling. i used to never switch numbers around. i wish i was better at writing in macedonian. i like to buy books but never have time to read them. i like to buy even more magazines but somehow always re-read them. i hate the sound of my own voice. for the longest time i'd never talk on my voicemail. bjork makes a good answering machine. i wish i was 15 lbs skinnier. i don't drink but i have a small beer belly. can you get a wine belly? i like to puff out my stomach so i look pregnant and scare my mother.
i clean when i get frustrated. i have a pretty clean house. i actually have no house. i actually feel homeless. i've felt this since i was 9 and moved to the states. the longest i've lived in one place is 7 years. then 4 years. then 1 year, a lot. i've lived in 10 different places, 3 different cities, 2 different countries, 2 different continents. feeling homeless and living out of a suitcase are two different things. i found that out this summer. i pay rent for a house i hardly live in. i feel like a guest no matter where i stay.
i like minimalism. i like clean design. i dislike junkiness and general carelessness. this is not meant to judge, i just don't. i've lived with too many people who have too many tastes. it's just a matter of preference. it's also a part of growing up.
i usually feel guilty for wasting time. i like to make to-do lists but hardly check things off. i think of song lyrics when i hear certain words put together. i almost always have a song stuck in my head. like right now.
