Who is Nooner At Nine? A question for the ages. This is a question that was once asked by the God of the underworld, Hades unto the lord of the Heavens, Bruce Campbell. It was foretold in the bible, from the lost pages of a sublet in the Book Of Ester, that two men (and whoever the hell else would join) would lead a revolt against the powers of evil with some of the sickest melodies and lyrics of all time. This would be a journey that was not for the weak of heart, mind and spirit. One man started a band to rock out and get things done, it was one of the greatest recruitment agencies and vastly became know throught the land a The Revoling Door of Bandom. There were freaks of all sorts that frequented the grounds of Lou's famous Nooner At Nineville.
Here are a few:
The Redheaded Wonder- He was a man full of red hair and a golden smile. It was said that he could bum a ciggarette from even the MOST stingy people of all the world. He was a legend and Squire of South Bound Brook. I remember his name quite well. Matthew Steven Harabin Esquire III.
The Pregnant Bearded Lady- There was a demon that was scarier and more evil than any living thing to grace the land. He was more feared than the New Jersey Devil, more insane than Ed Gein, more perverted than Brian Murawski and Albert Fish combined, more narsasictic then Jim Jones and was pregnant for, like FOUR YEARS and counting. Have the baby already, fucker! His shredding sounded like a banshee he had a beard that hang down to the ground and had missing teeth, ILL!!!! GROSS!!! I can still hear his chant, "I'm A Computer!"
Melecoton- There was a man who was named James and he ate the giant peach and became the shape of a giant peach. He was then dubbed, Peach, or Fluffy Ninja or whatever. He was know across the land as the only man who resembeled Peter Griffin to a spooky degree. Once, he sat on Lou's back and made Ryan cry. True Story, not really.
Mel- This was a woman made of stone. When performing music she would stay in one position and could not be moved.
Laura- Rug Muncher extraordinaire, she was she only woman to drum and eat pussy at the SAME TIME! (God, do we miss and love her.)
Those were only a few of the thousands (24) members that have graced the pages and chapters of Nooner At Nine. But now, we have finally met, the two men foretold in the prophecy and we are ready to kick ass like Christopher Walken. Lou Raymondi as The Fat Old Hag, with Fish as Sylvester Stallone an Arm Wrestler with a heart of gold star in the the acadamey award winning musical Nooner At Nine. Prepare To Have Your Asses ROCKED
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