I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis profile picture

I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis

Languishing is my business, and business is good.

About Me

I decided to become a sociologist so I could quantify my hatred of humanity. ..

My Interests

Drinking (alcohol, soda, coffee) observing, analyzing. Clubbing people who go "clubbing." Rub a dub dub, I'll club you, bub!

I'd like to meet:

Someone I can share a few drinks with and who doesn't fill me with a bilious urge to collapse society and reform it in my own image. This is harder than it sounds.

Music:

I'm just one more asshole who defines his musical taste as "eclectic."

Movies:

One of the greatest compliments a filmmaker can recieve is me falling asleep during their film.

Television:

When I was a lad, I thought that whatever was broadcast on the television screen was INSIDE the television at that moment.Keeping this (admittedly haphazard, in hindsight) rationale in mind, I asked my mother to buy me some Cadbury Creme Eggs during a commericial for said product. After she constructed some cock-and-bull excuse about WHY I couldn't have the Creme Eggs, I played my trump card: "Well I guess I'll just have to SMASH THE SCREEN IN and TAKE 'em!!"The flaw in my reasoning was duly pointed out, and since then, my relationship with television has been frosty.

Books:

There's more to life than books, you know?

Heroes:

Anthony Bourdain

My Blog

For my fellow HPBers...

...this might be particularly interesting.  I've been reading Steve Martin's autobiography (I know, enough with the autobiographies already) and he claims to have lost his virginity to Stormie Om...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Sun, 03 Feb 2008 05:27:00 PST

Do I drink too much wine?

The other day, I spent an hour and 30 minutes in a crowded BMV Reinstatement Center waiting room.  I passed this time by reading the final chapters of The Autobiography of Malcolm X.  This e...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Sun, 03 Feb 2008 06:34:00 PST

In Soviet Russia, machine vends you!

Here's the vending machine essay I alluded to previously. Be mindful of the fact that this was written 6 years ago. I was rather stupid in those days, and my "voice" had not fully achieved the aweso...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 10:07:00 PST

An organization dedicated to obliterating the shameful stigma of lip balm over-application

I didn't write the following. I wish I had. It's as brilliant as anything I've read lately, and that includes Tolstoy, Murakami, Coupland, Hornby, Mattingly and Dickens (Charles). I don't know anyt...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Tue, 19 Dec 2006 08:35:00 PST

10 weird/random facts.

So I've been tagged...1. As as very young child, I eschewed watching Transformers, instead prefering the Go-Bots.   To this day, when someone makes a "hip" pop culture reference to Transformers, ...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Fri, 08 Dec 2006 04:49:00 PST

Airween v. Tolstoy

How many 800 page plus tomes can I honestly be expected to read in my remaining lifetime?  David Copperfield is the only such book I've ever been able to finish.  War and Peace is giving me ...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:09:00 PST

Sunflower seed diatribe

It's been a rough night.  Beer chased with water.  I mean, yeah, it's been that kind of a night.  Lots of doubt.  Nothing too specific.  Subtle, yet malignant.  If the do...
Posted by I Mess With The Zohan On A Frequent Basis on Thu, 30 Nov 2006 09:55:00 PST