Arty Fucking Smokes - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Male. Smoker. Vegetarian. No legs.

I went to the doctor, guess what he told me, guess what he told me. He said "I'm afraid you'll have to go on dialysis quite soon".
"But Doctor," I replied, "I don't need a machine to take the piss out of me. I've got friends that do that already."

My Interests

Choking on other people's vomit.

I'd like to meet:

Woman. Smoker. Vegetarian. At least one leg.

I like women who can shake their like tits Anna Karina.

Theoretical Girl is getting there, but she should just come round and visit instead of writing songs about me.

Music:

All-time favourites are The Smiths, Bright Eyes, and early Manic Street Preachers.
These are the songs your new boyfriend is too stupid to know about:

Movies:

I prefer realistic dialogue to violent action. Emotions not explosions. Kitchen sink dramas and nouvelle vague films from the 1960s are particular favourites. I highly recommend joining
I'm currently in love with Anna Karina and Julie Christie.

Television:

NFL on Five, News 24 with wide-faced Jane Hill.

Books:

The Virgin Suicides; Will Self; Chuck Palahniuk; Milan Kundera; Russian lit, JD Salinger et fucking cetera.

Heroes:

Cats, cows and penguins. Mumma Egg. And Iron Mike Carlson.

My Blog

Here comes my 190th nervous breakdown.

CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?CUNT ROLE or CONTROL?Destroyed by madness. Anxiety is freedom....
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Sun, 23 Mar 2008 08:39:00 PST

Another memetic discharge.

ABSOLUTELY NO LYING QUIZ (Oh no, I'm so scared!)1. last cigarette? Got one on the go at the moment, ob.2. last beverage: Just had a sip of water. Gonna put the kettle on in a minute.3. last phone call...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Thu, 07 Feb 2008 09:03:00 PST

More time-wasting as I wait for the Superbowl. And death.

1. Who was the last person you talked to inPerson: The Muslim woman in the fag shop about a day ago.Texting: Andy Plus, about 2 days ago.IMing: Amy Buckface, about 3 weeks ago.Phone: John, a week ago....
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Sun, 03 Feb 2008 12:07:00 PST

The best coda in pop.

I was paralysed in Starbucks, suffering pains in my phantom ankles; pains that should really be illegal in this day and age. I had my headphones on. Loud, to drown out the irritating freeform jazz tha...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Sat, 02 Feb 2008 05:22:00 PST

Merry Crimbo from Anna Karina and Arty Smokes (Digitart)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all my friends, fans, ex-lovers and crippled stalkers....
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Sun, 23 Dec 2007 03:14:00 PST

My fifth mention on live TV this year.

When you're a decrepit housebound cripple like me, life doesn't offer much excitement. One of the ways I amuse myself is by writing e-mails to the presenters of Channel 5's NFL coverage at 4 in the mo...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Tue, 11 Dec 2007 09:10:00 PST

There’s something about.... women in French films.

I did something almost unthinkable tonight. I watched a science fiction film. I'd normally travel 150 light years and 22 parsecs to avoid anything that says "set in the future" on the back cover...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Wed, 31 Oct 2007 07:19:00 PST

Jill in her birthday suit (DigiTart).

I was gonna give Jillipop a Snickers bar as a birthday present. Imagine my surprise when I opened the wrapper and she was inside!I drew a quick picture before eating her. Yum! By the way, I can't clai...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Wed, 26 Sep 2007 07:10:00 PST

Dogs are Everywhere

I'm not really a fan of dogs. I don't hate them as much as Michael Vick, the NFL star who admitted to killing 6-8 of the buggers by drowning and hanging, but I much prefer cats.But how cute is this pu...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 03:05:00 PST

"I know you were born in 1984" (a Scarlett Digitart)

I've been listening to The Teenagers a lot lately. One of my favourite songs of theirs is "Starlett Johansson". The band even have T-shirts with The World's Sexiest Woman on. Boy, did I have fun looki...
Posted by Arty Fucking Smokes on Mon, 03 Sep 2007 08:27:00 PST