Denny Crane for President! profile picture

Denny Crane for President!

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me


MySpace Countdown ClocksI am KING BRANDON. I am the most awesome living being currently walking the Earth. I spend my weekdays delivering electrical materials. I spend my free time doing whatever I want. Thankfully, everything I want to do is perfectly legal. I'm a fun lovin', buick drivin', movie watchin', martini drinkin', foul mouthed free spirit. I don't care where I came from. I don't care where I'm going when I croak. All I care about is being a benefit to mankind while I'm here. I know I'm not going to cure cancer or invent the food replicator, so I guess I'll just have to make ya laugh & smile, or question whatever brainwashing you've incurred. Or maybe get you outta that depression. I don't know yet. Once again, I don't care what I gotta do, but it's going to get done! Oh Yeah!Now, for your amusement, here is the Dougie Knuckles rant-styled back story to yours truly:Born to a non-alcoholic father, and a uni-polar never-depressive mother on a naval base in Texas. King Brandon was born with a very rare physical disorder. It is so rare that it only affects one out of every 8 billion people. King Brandon was born with awesomitis. The hospital staff noticed right away that this baby boy was different. It was very obvious, as he was the first human ever to be born without a stick up his butt. Further tests revealed that his brain wasn't built right. It was missing the section which allows brainwashing. The government immediately forced his father into retirement, as they were afraid this disorder might mutate, and become contagious. The last thing they needed was for the military to come down with a sickness that prevents brainwashing. They shipped his family back to Indiana where they had figured King Brandon would never encounter something to challenge his mind. Their plan worked for a while, until 1983 when a huge nationwide news story broke about a five year old boy in Indiana who didn't care much for Star Wars. Upon hearing of this, George Lucas ordered the government to eliminate the boy. A rogue Army Lt. learned of this, and alerted King Brandon's parents. This resulted in a series of yearly moves to different small Indiana towns for the family. During this time, the government tried several ways to appease George Lucas. They even went as far as paying King Brandon's older cousins to beat him to death during family gatherings. Fortunately, there was one cousin they couldn't buy off, who would save the boy's life. It's probably just a coincidence that this cousin was half Korean. King Brandon's parents would never believe these stories of his plight, because the government put painstaking effort into discrediting him. They would always arrange for damage that only a little boy would do to their belongings. So King Brandon was just a little liar liar pants on fire in his parent's eyes. To this day, King Brandon STILL has no idea how filthy words he hadn't even heard yet got scribbled on furniture. Seriously. Nor has he any idea how his parent's water bed broke just minutes before he got home from school. Seriously. In 1986, after learning of King Brandon's one possible weakness (his hatred of heat), George Lucas arranged for this "really great job" for his father in FL. Sadly, his father took the bait, and after finishing second grade, King Brandon's family moved to West Palm Beach, FL. Lucas missed one detail... King Brandon eventually discovered sunscreen. So, six months after King Brandon's arrival in FL, Lucas had his father fired from the "great job", and proceeded to hire the neighborhood bullies to do the job Brandon's cousins couldn't. Another detail overlooked by Lucas was that Brandon's Uncle & half Korean cousin moved to FL with his family. Another plan foiled! So, Lucas made one final attempt on King Brandon's life. He hired a bunch of hitmen to "whack him". Once again, he overlooked one thing. These hitmen were people. People are easily brainwashed. They had all been brainwashed into believing that people from New York and Detroit are "tough". Since 80% of Florida's population are refugees from New York & Detroit, the hitmen were immediatly scared off. Since being trapped in FL, King Brandon's strange disorder really began to manifest. The NFL's mind control hasn't worked on him. Anhueser Busch's general grip on the population has had no affect. "Drug rock" hasn't been able to seduce him. The late 90's Independent film craze failed to turn him. The current "local music is the best" attitude has only succeeded in pissing him off. Hell, the moron actually started smoking BECAUSE of Truth commercials. I can't rant anymore. How the hell does Dougie do it?
*The New and Improved Ultimate About Me*:
Basics:
Name: King Brandon, bitches!
Date of Birth: According to Chris Rock, I'm going to die fornicating.
Birthplace: Amidst the Body of Christ in the state of the lone star.
Current Location: West Palm Beach, FL
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Lick my balls.
Height: 6' 2"
Heritage: 100 % American, 200 % Awesome.
Piercings: My appendix & my tonsils. You pansies have them removed, I get them pierced!
Tattoos: I don't own any little people in white tuxedos.
Favourite:
Band/Singer: Type O Negative.
Song: Pyretta Blaze by aforementioned band.
Movie: Your mom has a copy in her wall safe. Behind the painting. You should steal it. It'll make you rich someday!
Disney Movie: Oh, the one that was playiing that one day... you remember. When every annoying disney brainwashee gathered to see the movie in that giant theater...and it blew up, eliminating them all from my air supply? THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME!
TV show: Disney channel sucks.
Color: Red
Food: I like most of that equally. Bland ass English food sucks. Pot Roast....UGH!
Pizza topping: Mushrooms
Ice-Cream Flavor: Chocolate Mint
Drink (alcoholic): Red Death
Soda: Big Red
Store: The internet.
Clothing Brand: None
Shoe Brand: None
Season: WINTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuckin' Florida pussies can go to Hell with their "Oh no, It's below 80 degrees! I'm getting frostbite!".
Month: December
Holiday/Festival: Halloween
Flower: Gay.
Make-Up Item: Gayer.
Board game: Risk or Monopoly or Trivial Pursuit (any of the themed ones, not that pompous classic edition!!)
This or That
Sunny or rainy: Given those choices... asleep.
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate
Fruit or veggie: Fruit
Night or day: Night
Sour or sweet: Sour
Love or money: Well... I said I'd be cranky... money, because then I wouldn't be starving as Hollister gets richer.
Phone or in person: in person. Unless you're counting texting as "phone", then phone.
Looks or personality: personality.
Coffee or tea: tea.
Hot or cold: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD!
Your:
Goal for this year: turn 30
Most missed memory: Gayest question yet.
Best physical feature: I'm not Andy Dick.
First thought waking up: FUCKING CATS!
Hypothetical personality disorder: Me hypothetically kicking this surveyer's ass.
Preferred type of plastic surgery: um... well trained?
Sesame street alter ego: The counting pinball machine.
Fairytale alter ego: Fezzik
Most stupid remark: Sure I'll have a fourth call-a-cab!
Worst crime: Statute's not up yet.
Greatest ambition: maybe ruling mars as well.
Greatest fear: a pregnant, parapalegic black lesbian deciding to sue every male in the country because she knows she'll win every case. Even those against the ones she's never met.
Darkest secret: That I'm sure the above will happen someday.
Favorite subject: Changed
Strangest received gift: Sex & the City Trivia Game.
Worst habit: Filling out surveys
Do You:
Smoke: Just quit...for now.
Drink: Yep
Curse: Certainly
Shower daily: If I don't have to hit the snooze button a third time.
Like thunderstorms: Yup
Dance in the rain: Nope. But I do swim in City lace Fountains.
Sing: Horribly
Play an instrument: Nope
Get along with your parents: I tolerate them.
Wish on stars: I wish harm upon some of them, especially the rehab pack.
Believe in fate: nope.
Believe in love at first sight: nope.
Can You:
Drive: Yep
Sew: Nope
Cook: Ha!
Speak another language: Nope
Dance: Atrociously
Sing: didn't you just ask that, asshole?
Touch your nose with your tongue: nope
Whistle: barely
Curl your tongue: which way?
Have You Ever:
Been Drunk: Ever seen my picture gallery?
Been Stoned/High: A long long time ago, in a galaxy far away.
Eaten Sushi: I lOVE IT! MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...
Been in Love: Tardoid.
Skipped school: A few times.
Made prank calls: Yes!
Sent someone a love letter: Nope
Stolen something: Yup.
Cried yourself to sleep: Yup
Other Questions:
What annoys you most in a person? Their succeptibility to brainwashing.
Are you right or left handed? right
What is your bedtime? why? wanna rape me?
Name three things you can't live without: choice, freedom & ability.
What is the color of your room? wood paneled. fuck you.
Do you have any siblings? yes
Do you have any pets? Onyx & 1/3 of Maus (Mouse)!
Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars? depends on why i hate them. I'd whack a homicidal maniac for free.
What is you middle name? I won't answer this since you didn't proofread youR survey.
What are you nicknames? Your have got to be stupid. What are your, retarded? I have sex with you mom.
Are you for or against gay marriage? What did they ever do to deserve that punishment? Well, some people are just dumb, so why not let them suffer if that's what they choose to do.
What are your thoughts ..ion? Depends on why. If I'll never encounter the kid, it's their choice. If they live within the vicinity of places ithat I like to go, it should be fucking MANDATORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you have a crush on anyone? Nope. How's your mom's back?
Are you afraid of the dark? Nope
How do you want to die? Either saving the world, or taking most of it with me. That's up to YOU!
What is the largest amount of popsicles that you have eaten on one day? three or four, probably.
Would you take a bullet for the one you love? That's nothing. I'd give up my sight, hearing, taste buds, speech & mobility to save one of those lives... that's a fate far worse than death. pussies.
What is the last law you’ve broken? Ran a red light today because I was getting harped on by work over a "late" order which didn't have a "timer note" on it. assholes.
In a Member of the Opposite Sex:
Hair color: not blonde
Eye color: don't care
Height less than 5' 10"
Weight as long as here are no bones visible.
Most important physical feature: hair length.
Biggest turn-off disproportionately high percentage of guy friends. 'cuz you know what road you're heading down.
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

My Interests

Movies, paintball, television, Mountain Dew, Big Red Soda, White Castle Burgers, Comic books, Ratchet & Clank, the Grand Theft Auto series, campaign & strategy games, 80's pop culture, 90's pop culture, brunettes, creating trends, being awesome, wasting time with my friends, making stupid music videos on my phone, arranging prank calls to the Love Doctors, comedy, bar hopping on the weekends, acting stupid at stoplights (nothing like switching from Ozzy Osbourne to the Smurfs theme song on my I-pod to get amazed stares), having fun, saying the word "oscillate", embarrassing myself, creating fictitious worlds, scale models, text messaging, waking up the cats, making fun of dogs, flipping the bird, having fun, parties, holidays, snow, cold weather, Europe, Japan, Australia and TIVO!

I'd like to meet:

I'm willing to meet anybody. However, if you try to cram your beliefs down my throat, I will ignore you. If you want me to "see your webcam", I will ignore you. If you are pompous, I will destroy you. If you are disease, I will disinfect my planet of you. If you are stupid, I will not shave. That's about it.

Music:


Type O Negative, Weird Al Yankovic, Rob Zombie, Savatage, Drowning Pool, Garth Brooks, Lacuna Coil, Ozzy Osbourne, Journey, B-52's, Soil, Pain, Hypocrisy, KMFDM, Linkin Park, Metallica, Nickelback, ah, screw it. I like whatever the hell I like. It varies. I mainly stick to the heavy stuff. If I could name everything I liked, I'd shoot myself. I don't even know who sings some of the stuff I like. I just don't care, I'm not that obsessed with music. Actually, I really want nothing to do with people that view it as "the greatest thing". Then you have those assholes that bitch about any performers that sign a contract and sell more than 18 copies. Ugh. Get a damn life and don't belittle anyone who likes something you can't stand. You are some of the most elitist jack-offs on the planet. Funny, I wanted to refrain from using vulgarity on this page, but this subject just brings it out. Oh well. Hope I offended everyone who actually reads this section first! Go to hell!

Movies:

The Crow, Falling Down, Transformers: The Movie (1986), Dave, The Boondock Saints, There's Something About Mary, American Pie, American Pie 2, Scream, The Matrix, Saving Private Ryan, Office Space (Yeah, I'm like the ONLY person who went and saw it in the theater), Pitch Black, Chronicles of Riddick, 300, Very Bad Things, Hollywood Homicide, Anger Management, the X-Mens, the Spider-Mans, Superman Returns, Batman Begins, Euro-Trip, Spaceballs, Brewster's Millions, Mystery Men, Get Shorty, Be Cool, Titan A.E., Run Ronnie Run, Short Circuit, Police Academy 1 - 3, Fifth Element, Sin City, Austin Powers trilogy, Chronicles of Narnia, Troy, Gladiator, Ghostbusters, Serenity, Aliens, Predator, Scary Movie 1 & 2, Jason X, Freddy vs Jason, Any Given Sunday, Derailed. I gotta go to bed soon, so I'll stop here for now. Basically, I'll see anything that is comic book related, action/adventure, horror, science fiction, fantasy, thriller, mature comedy or "epic". If you don't support the crap, they may give up on the genre and a great one will never be made. I will never see a drama, romantic comedy or kid movie on my own, but I have no problem being dragged to one in order to hang out with my friends 9yeah, you guys still owe me BIG for One Hour Photo, the Constant Gardener and Epic Movie!) For the record, I'm not a big fan of Will Farrel, I absolutely hated Napolean Dynamite & the Blair Witch Project! I love movies. Last time I took the time to check, I had been to the theater over 700 times since I realized my love for movies back in '97. That was last year. I'll post a blog next time I tally it up.

Television:

Sundays: TIVO (because daytime tv on Sundays SUCKS!), Family Guy, Simpsons, Battlestar Galactica, The Sopranos. Mondays: WWE Monday Night Raw, Heroes Tuesdays: Boston Legal Wednesdays: Lost, Southpark Thursdays: If I'm home, Scrubs, 30 Rock, TIVO Fridays: If I'm home, Psych. Saturdays: TIVOWhen they finally make cable available on a per channel basis, I'm just going to have ABC, CW, CBS, FOX, NBC, PBS, CNN, HBO, TMC, Starz, Encore, Showtime, Cartoon Network, VH1, Fuse, G4, Sci-Fi, History, Discovery, A&E Biography, FX, USA, FOOD (mmm...recipes...), E!, Comedy Central, TBS (because sometimes, you just wanna see the skipper whack gilligan on the head), TNT, TVLAND (Fresh Prince!) and Spike. Why the hell am I paying for the Golf channel? UGH! I mainly TIVO Science Fiction shows, Super-Hero cartoons, Adult Swim, Modern Marvels, Mail Call. Of course, I don't use the TIVO too much anymore because Aunt Thom has it overloaded with documentaries about ancient desert cultures & sex. Jack ass.

Books:

Make damn good bonfires!

Heroes:

Mom & Dad, My friends, and well... ME!

COMBAT CARDS 2.1

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My Blog

Top Friends Internet Scavenger Hunt 2008!

Yes, due to popular demand (2 people) I will have my third, yes THIRD annual Top Friends Internet Scavenger Hunt!  This Scavenger Hunt is performed to issue out my top friends spaces (up to forty...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Sat, 24 May 2008 06:32:00 PST

HEY PIG! YEAH, YOU!

OINK!  Hey, assbags!  Until you start calling men obsessed with a sport in which a bunch of men, that shower together, who call themselves "tight ends" and "wide receivers", that spend their...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Sun, 16 Mar 2008 12:03:00 PST

Wow! They have the internet in Indiana now!

So, after a five hour flight (2 1/2 hrs being in the Tampa airport) I make it to Uncle Bud's viewing with an hour to spare.  I go to say good bye and saw that the man still has a growing fan club...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Thu, 06 Sep 2007 07:01:00 PST

10 years in the movie theaters.

I first became addicted to the movie theater experience in 1997.  I love it.  I wish I could be there everyday!  Sadly, various transportation and financial issues during the past few y...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Fri, 06 Jul 2007 06:16:00 PST

Transformers SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do NOT waste your money on Michael Bay's bastardization of Transformers!!!!  This movie is the biggest piece of crap excreted from Hollywood since Training Day.  It is far inferior to his ma...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Wed, 04 Jul 2007 10:51:00 PST

This should be fun. First "Get drunk while blogging" blog... ever!

There is no real point to this, other than to just experiment.  It's been a few years since I actually sat alone in the living room and drank alone.  I'm just interested in reading what I wr...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Sun, 22 Apr 2007 07:06:00 PST

Internet Scavenger Hunt 2007

   That's right, kids!  The time is finally upon you for King Brandon's Annual Top Friends Internet Scavenger Hunt!  20,000+ views can't be wrong!  For some rea...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Sun, 25 Mar 2007 05:04:00 PST

The power of the Bitch Slap.

So, I just got home from hanging out with Dana, Karim, Chris & Ray at the Blue Boar.  I had a great time.  Did my usual pointing out celebrity look-a-likes.  Got to see Randy Quaide...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Sat, 03 Mar 2007 11:45:00 PST

To Hell with Office Depot!

To Hell with Office Depot and their damned magnets!  To Hell with Office Depot and their stupid light bulbs!  To Hell with Office Depot and their damned magnets!  To Hell with Office De...
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Tue, 20 Feb 2007 01:11:00 PST

The new blog

Hey!  I posted a new bulletin!  You should check it out!
Posted by Denny Crane for President! on Mon, 19 Feb 2007 01:49:00 PST