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Um....I'm sure this is all gonna sound really ridiculous and uh... I don't exactly expect anyone to believe all this. Uh... for the last little while I've been kinda keeping correspondance with my sanity, and uhh I really get the feeling that Im starting to lose interest in the letter writing process. The pieces of the letters, they just get progressively shorter and shorter until its not even a reply. I uhh... the whole thing makes me really nervous. I just wish I could show you what a huge problem this is...
I kind of have this... Really terrible habit of asking myself all these stupid questions, right? Like what if uhh what if there's a spot on my body that I can touch to keep my heart from beating? or like what if, what if theres this uhh... stray bullet out there thats gonna come through my window and take me out? like what if uhh... what if theres this huge unstoppable comet thats just gonna like, destroy the earth and all of us? Like what... what if thats happening right now? How can I avoid all these questions if I don't have that? Like, who is gonna be here? Why... who is gonna be there... in the hospital? Who is gonna tell me that all this is bullshit... its a dream? Just a dream.This is not a joke. And uhh... i'll never sleep.
I, I looked into your eyes and saw
A world that does not exist
I looked into your eyes and saw
A world I wish I was in
The bulletins about:
1.you having new pics
2.you begging for comments
3.your current and pathethic mood
4...and other stupid and not important bullshits..
..sucks..hard.If someone is interested in your pictures,mood,comments he would just open your myspace page.
He who hesitates is lost.We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore...and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
There were thousands of days
as we traveled down North Road,
and I remember my uncle on his last day,
and how I would kill to shake his hand again.
And on goes the battle of years upon years.
My Father's eyes bring me solace,
and his look of focus I try to instill.
As my Mother reads as an example
of strength beyond strength,
and with her I became me.
There are two girls
with whom I've known longer than anyone,
and my debt to them is Lifetime.
The gathering of boys I rely on,
know exactly who they are
and I will build their protection with bloody hands.
Some were dealt knuckles and some delivered kisses,
but initially my heart was in the right place.
There are times when being engulfed by mountains
are the only signs of safety I know.
And I realize I think this way out of neglection
and at the exact thought I reclaim those days of scenery.
There are places like the bluffs in Kasilof
and the gravel pits in Sand Lake,
that most of us will never forget.
Those are the things I wanted to speak of,
those are the things that I dream about,
those are the things that I will definitely die with
