Tristan

I know green isn't the most appeasing border for this layout, but it's my favorite color
So
I'm Tristan

I'm 20
That's a supposed quarter of my life
Wow
I was born in Canada
But
Moved to Kentucky before Kindergarten
So don't listen to hear me say aboot
btw
Most Canadians don't say aboot
I don't remember much of Canada
But it was probably better than Kentucky
I'm not a redneck
I hate rednecks
I believe I remember a time when it was bad to be a redneck
So where the fuck did Larry the Cable guy come from?

And why did 50% of the United States vote for Bush?
Unfortunately
A slight of redneck accent will escape my vocals on occasion
When I move, I'll work to hide it
My earliest memory involves poking a Canadian bee

I think my grandfather was there
He probably helped
He's a hero
He saved me when I picked up a rock
There were some ants
They owned that rock
So they attacked

He saved me again the next day
When I picked up the same rock
I used to see him once or twice a year
He would travel around the States
And bring me rocks from the desert
He would take me to McDonald's
I liked McDonald's back then
I would get the Big Mac

Some time after his last visit he had a stroke
I think he's okay now
But I don't know
Because he's mia
I haven't seen him in a long time
And don't know that I will again
So that makes me sad

I used to read a lot
In elementary
I was a nerd
The Accelerated Reader program was made for me
I read Little Women in fourth grade
I think I liked it
I should read it again to make sure
I won Accelerated Reader
In fifth grade too, I think
They got me a limo
And took me to Steak n Shake

It was fucking sweet
The President sent me a letter
Or maybe it was just a certificate
Because I don't have the letter anymore
Just the certificate
I stopped being a nerd in seventh grade
Because I went to Florida
I saw Pocahontus in the Disney parade

She was smokin'
I had a new passion
Plus
It wasn't cool to be a nerd
This was back when I cared
I never managed to get in the dating game
Even through high school
There were a few
But none lasted
I had the lust
But not the motivation
That's my curse

It's okay though
I plan on staying single until I reach 27
So I can get my shit straight
Like the finances
And a career
Unless I meet HER
If I do
Before 27
I guess I'm fucked
But that's fine too
I would probably be happy
Considering I found HER
But that's unlikely anytime soon
Maybe it's just the geographic location
I'm hard to impress
It's more about personality and character
I would rather kick Jessica Simpson in the face than sleep with her

Oh, yeah
If you know the title of that movie I'm watching
Up there
In the pic before the last one
You might be cool
I cut my wrist during ninth grade spring break
It was an accident
I was assembling a stroller for my nephew
It's an odd story
But I almost died
So that will change you
In my case
I became a stress-free slacker
It's another curse
I took somewhat challenging courses in high school
But never studied

I did put a lot of thought into life and my religious perspective
After my close call with death
But instead of coming closer with God
As you will hear of most doing
I became agnostic
I have put a lot of thought into this decision
So don't argue with me about it
Like I'm unaware of what it means
Or like whatever you're trying to feed me is the only possibility

I'm open to most ideas
Except being fat
And I mean fat
Like super size my fries fat
I don't get that one

But hate toward different races and gays
Is ridiculous
That's what I mean by being open

My Dad is British
That's pretty fucking cool
I wish I were British too
Then I would have that accent
Women seem to love it
I remember women flirting with my dad when I was younger
Just because he had the accent

I like women with the accent too
It adds a level of cuteness
I also like ancient warfare
When I zone out in class I like to draw miniature battles on my paper
Like the seige of a castle
We should go back to using swords and trebuchets

Shooting and blowing people up is too easy
Getting close enough to cut someone means you really want them dead
Also
War would be more interesting
And I doubt it would occur so often
Because no one wants to be stabbed
Or crushed by a flaming rock
It's a shame there aren't more foreign films featured in our theaters
Honestly
Better to read subtitles than watch another Deuce Bigalow
Maybe there should be theaters that discriminate against the American moron
Like those that refuse to watch Brokeback Mountain because it involves gay dudes
Or those that were insulted by my insulting Deuce Bigalow
I used to want to work for Blockbuster
Until I heard someone say they didn't understand Farenheit 911
Then I understood what people I would be dealing with
Because there's no discrimination for morons at Blockbuster
Directions to moronesque theater
I'm tired now
I'm going to go read a book
Seriously
I apologize if this is too long
Or random
It's just that it's difficult to express who you are
In text form
To people you can't see or touch.
I want to live in a castle surrounded by similar landscape.
I'll take any castle though; beggars can't be choosers
About Them
MY FAVORITE PEOPLE
Paducah people to come soon...
There have been some changes in my life, but this is still sorted by who I met first and I also happen to favor the same people
so NO bitching
you're better than that
most should know where they stand with me
question marks to be filled in later
PEOPLE NOT ON MYSPACE

NEPHEW
THOSE I MET IN PADUCAH
WHAT ABOUT THEM

LEAH aka SISTER
My sister! Will write more later...this shit takes time!


AUSTIN
I met this guy long ago, in 6th grade homeroom, I think. I was basically an innocent mind before I associated with him, if you can believe it. Soon after we were jumping off the tallest structures on the playground, recovering from injuries, and doing it again. We dominated the wrestling mat when recess was in the gym, beating kids to the point they banned wrestling as an activity. We moved on to junior high, where we drifted away from our other elementary friends, but not each other. In high school we took up skateboarding, going to shows, and partying. He bought boxing gloves and we started the fight club. He introduced me to The Mullets, bailed me out when I drove a scooter into his sister's Lexus, and puked a blue vomit on the red carpet of my room. We burned in the heat of the sun stacking wood and worked slave hours in an axle plant while other kids were enjoying something called summer break. We have done a lot together and he has always been awesome about everything. He has led a successful life to this point, where I have managed to achieve, overall, nothing. I don't know, somehow it works. He's a cool, relaxed guy and I can honestly say I have never been in a situation where I didn't want to talk with him; we've argued, but he has never let me down.
MAT
I met this dude in 7th grade homeroom, he sat at the desk beside me, I think. I just came in everyday and talked to him, so I may have forced the friendship. He was a cool kid, he somehow got me hooked on WWF wrestling...how the hell that happened, I don't know. He was a Chicago Cubs fan and I was for the St. Louis Cardinals. There were a few occasions when his friend, Ike, wanted to beat me up because once I accidentally punched Mat in forehead and once I actually kicked him in the face. I think it was the face, anyway. On into high school we stood around waiting for bells to ring in the hall. We took up drinking in a cemetary and raiding a tower, time over again. He fed me Golden Grain alcohol, dragged me to the safety of his house, and watched and/or listened as I puked all over his living room floor...we blamed it on his dog. Soon we discovered a growing passion for film and were then left behind in the shit town we had dreamed of leaving for so long. He started working nights; I took up a paper route. We became coffee addicts and it was fucking sweet. We held a century club meeting; he was the only one to actually make it. He stresses too much; I stress too little. An awesome friend, and someone who drives me around a lot. We have plans of sharing a place in Louisville, it better happen.
MARK
I met this Mark kid through Austin in 7th grade. First impressions were bad, I remember. At a settlement re-enactment we spent the whole day drinking creme soda, eating nuts, and playing cards...we were a saloon. We had a piano player, bar, table, and everything. Problem was, by day end, I believe I remember him saying he wanted to punch me...hahah! We would occasionally have arguments that would escalate to ridiculous proportions, simply because we're both under the impression we're always right. Though, admittedly, he usually is--Mark is a smart cookie; I'm usually just a guy that likes to argue. He has been with me much of the same time Austin has. When we got our first 12-pack, we drank it at his house and I almost blew us up. I think I went drag that night too. When we chose to take RC car fuel and light a bridge and a highway on fire, he was there. Many of the nights I got into my parents' liquor supply, he was there. When we put on the boxing gloves, he was there to take winner. When I decided to get in shape and go through basketball conditioning, he ran too. We had an easy time in AP English and he led the class in Info. Tech. He works harder, with more dedication, than anyone I know to get the results he wants. He's a loyal character and he goes out of his way to help...another amazing friend.
Will add some shit later

SARAH
I met Sarah at a football game, sophomore year of high school. Austin bragged to me about her abs and I felt her stomach. That was our introduction. Soon enough she and Austin were dating and I was the best friend who had to put up with the new girlfriend's bullshit. Fortunately, this new girl wasn't bad. She was certainly better than his previous attempts, that last bitch was crazy! As time went on, she began to understand my sense of humor and, also, our social outlook began to rub off on her. She has grown into an amazing individual; to me she's like a sister. With this relationship, I have learned she is in reality another nutcase...but it's a funny, good sort of crazy. She has helped me more than I ever would have expected her to...she's basically awesome. p.s. - so is her mom!
LUKE
Will add some shit later

KATIE
Will add some shit later.

DAN
I met this random kid my senior year...it was odd we had never talked before, but he said that was due to my intimidating appearance. Basically, I used to work out a lot and my arms were huge, I guess that scared some people. He sat in front of me in Calculus. Generally, he paid attention and did his homework; I didn't. It was a fun class. He discovered Thailand Red Bull at this asian shop and we began making frequent trips to get more. It didn't take long for the shop owners to memorize our faces and what we were going for when we entered. He was there for the slave hours at the axle plant and also to witness my shirt catch on fire. His entropy just happens to be colossal, it was through this he found an awesome air humping technique, which he used to entertain during our end of summer lake trip. Our next adventure is mountain climbing; we hope to see a bear. Btw, he's also a good friend
KATE
I think I found Kate around March of 2005. She has, without any doubt, been my best find on myspace. Expectations of myspace people are high after meeting her, so it's rare that I accept friend applications or like anyone on here anymore. I think, for now, I'm content with what I have been lucky enough to receive. Kate is pretty much the shit...it's difficult to explain the power of attraction. It's like There's Something About Kate, instead of Mary. She's funny, short, crazy, beautiful, emotional, creative, and much more. Plus her voice is, I don't know, amazing. She has hopes of eventually moving to the UK, where she can pick up lots of those cute brit boys and get away from the drag of these States. Hopefully, if I'm lucky, I'll get to meet her over there someday.
ASH
I met the wonderful Ash through Kate, in a voice message through msn, I believe. She's Kate's roommate and my additional Texan friend. I guess it was a combo deal, which is another reason I'm happy for having met Kate. Ash is my day dream partner, in terms of our lust for winning the lotto. If I win, we're moving to England where we will live in a massive house with friends and party constantly. She is in the process of working things out so she can move to the UK in the summer, where she will go to school, find love, and life will be fresh. I hope to meet her over there, also.
BARRY
I don't even remember when I met this guy, but I think it was before March Madness 2005, Louisville vs. Illinois. Obviously, it was just a passing moment at the time because I don't remember if that is when we did meet. I kept running into him every time I went to Austin's though, which made sense, since they share the same apartment. We had a pretty sweet milk challenge once, he puked and I gave up. Now I'm living in that same apartment, so obviously we had to hold another milk challenge. This time, we both puked. I was looking for a job and then started working at a Subway almost as soon as I became a roommate, so of course I tried to get the other roommates to join me. It worked, Barry is now a fellow sandwich artist. We even get to close the store together; it's awesome. Almost, we're looking to quit before the end of the summer...
JAMES
Will add some shit later.

DRAKE
Will add some shit later.