~Tails profile picture

~Tails

Isn't this fun? Isn't this what lifes all about? Isn't this a dream come true? Isn't this a nightmar

About Me


I'm grey, I measure 9 to 10 inches long and have a sexy, bushy tail that's nearly as long as I am! I also enjoy reading, Styrofoam cups, long walks on the beach, Piña Coladas, getting caught in the rain, and Scrabble®.
I depend upon trees quite a bit, (especially the Larch or pine), as places to take shelter from the weather, find food, and escape from various predators. (Although I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers.) Anyhoo, I use two basic types of natural tree cavities and leaf nests, and they are probably more comfortable than you would imagine. But since I have so seamlessly adapted to life in urban and suburban areas, I also take liberal advantage of shelter provided by humans, usually some hot chick's house, in the attic, or the crawl spaces along the upper floors of such buildings.
I also think that a willingness to engage in the give and take of argument displays a dedication to cognitive egalitarianism, the proposal that all people and squirrels should, at least initially, be treated as intellectual equals, and that no individual can reasonably claim a privileged immunity from the burden of proof.
My diet varies with the season and with the availability of plant material (such as nuts, fruits, ketchup, flowers, beef stew and plant buds) that almost entirely makes up what you would typically find in my fridge. Candidly, I also occasionally eat bird eggs, and I have even been known to attack birds and other small mammals at feeders ... much to the shock and dismay of the human witnesses who assume that I am just some passive vegetarian! Ha! Didn't see that coming, did you?

My Interests



Rushing about in search of peanuts and other legumes, darting to and fro , climbing, squeaking, crossing the street in traffic, arching my back.

I'd like to meet:

Any swingin' hot chicks who dig sciurus carolinensis ! I may be small, but I have a big heart. And a big tail, too.

"It is the inevitable effect of religion on public policy that makes it a matter of public concern. Advocates of religiosity extol the virtues or moral habits that religion is supposed to instill in us. But we should be equally concerned with the intellectual habits it discourages."
-- Wendy Kaminer, "The Last Taboo" (1996)

"If the Christian dogmas of a revengeful God, universal sinfulness, election by divine grace and the danger of eternal damnation were true, it would be a sign of weak-mindedness and lack of character not to become a priest, apostle or hermit and, in fear and trembling, to work solely on one's own salvation; it would be senseless to lose sight of one's eternal advantage for the sake of temporal comfort. If we may assume that these things are at any rate believed true, then the everyday Christian cuts a miserable figure; he is a man who really cannot count to three, and who precisely on account of his spiritual imbecility does not deserve to be punished so harshly as Christianity promises to punish him."
-- Friedrich Nietzsche, Human, all too Human











Copyright 1997-2007

Home / Peanuts / Pasta / Wendi / Acorns / Paws & Claws / Favorites / K-Fed / Fishing

Music:

Aerosmith; Alabama Thunderpussy; The B-52's; Beck; Black Flag; Black Sabbath; The Bloodhound Gang; Blue Öyster Cult; The Cars; The Clash; Danzig; Deep Purple; Dio; The Doors; Elvis; Rory Gallagher; Godsmack; Guns n' Roses; Jimi Hendrix; Iron Maiden; James Gang; Janis Joplin; Judas Priest; Kid Rock; Jerry Lee Lewis; Led Zeppelin; Lynyrd Skynyrd; Masters of Reality; Megadeth; Metallica; Molly Hatchet; John Lee Hooker; Nirvana; Ted Nugent; The Offspring; Oingo Boingo; Overkill; Queen; The Ramones; Henry Rollins; Rush; Sia; Smashing Pumpkins; Soundgarden; Spinal Tap; Steppenwolf; The Sword; Tenacious D; Thin Lizzy; Tool; Uriah Heep; Van Halen; Wall of Voodoo; Lizzie West; Johnny Winter; Frank Zappa

Movies:

The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985); Alien (1979); Aliens (1986); Apocalypto (2006); Army of Darkness (1992); Baby Snakes (1979); Back to the Future (1985); Batman (1989); The Big Sleep (1946); Blazing Saddles (1974); The Blues Brothers (1980); Braveheart (1995); Caddyshack (1980); Casablanca (1942); Chinatown (1974); Clerks (1994); Die Hard (1988); Dirty Harry (1971); John Carpenter's Escape From New York (1981); Every Which Way But Loose (1978); Forrest Gump (1994); The French Connection (1971); Gladiator (2000); The Godfather (1972); Gone With The Wind (1939); Goodfellas (1990); John Carpenter's Halloween (1978); Heavy Metal (1981); Hellboy (2004); High Plains Drifter (1973); His Kind of Woman (1951); The Incredibles (2004); It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963); Key Largo (1948); Kill Bill (2003); The Killer Elite (1975); License to Kill (1989); The Lord of the Rings (2001); The Magnificent Seven (1960); Mars Attacks (1996); Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975); The Naked Spur (1953); North by Northwest (1959); Open Range (2003); The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976); Planet of the Apes (1968); Play it Again, Sam (1972); Pulp Fiction (1994); Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981); Rear Window (1954); Red Dragon (2002); The Road Warrior (1981); Robocop (1987); Scrooged (1988); Shrek (2001); The Silence of the Lambs (1991); Sin City (2005); Sleeper (1973); Snatch (2000); Spider-Man 2 (2004); Star Wars (1977); Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006); The Terminator (1984); John Carpenter's The Thing (1982); Thunderball (1965); To Kill a Mockingbird (1962); The Wild Bunch (1969); Young Frankenstein (1974); Zodiac (2007)

Television:

Animal Planet's "Meerkat Manor." Those dudes are nuts!

Books:

René Descartes, Rules for the Direction of the Mind; René Descartes, Discourse on Method; René Descartes, Meditations on First Philosophy; René Descartes, Objections Against the Meditations and Replies; Baruch Spinoza, Ethics; Blaise Pascal, Provincial Letters; Blaise Pascal, Pensées; Gottfried Leibniz, Discourse on Metaphysics; Gottfried Leibniz, Monadology; Gottfried Leibniz, New Essays Concerning Human Understanding; Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan , 1651; John Locke, An Essay Concerning Human Understanding; John Locke, Two Treatises of Government, 1689; George Berkeley, Treatise Concerning the Principles of Human Knowledge; David Hume, A Treatise of Human Nature; David Hume, An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding; Jean-Jacques Rousseau, The Social Contract; Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Emile; Immanuel Kant, Critique of Pure Reason; Immanuel Kant, Fundamental Principles of the Metaphysic of Morals; Immanuel Kant, Critique of Practical Reason, 1788; Immanuel Kant, Groundwork of the Metaphysic of Morals, 1785

Heroes:

My Father; Buzz Aldrin; Jack Handy; Gilbert Shelton; Ol' Gooseberry, Moe Howard; Thomas Jefferson; Carl Sagan; George Santayana; Frank Zappa

My Blog

Time Travel

If I went back in time to Philadelphia circa 1776 the first thing I would want to see would be the breakfast menu. I bet they had some awesome pancake specials that were only a few cents and probably ...
Posted by ~Tails on Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:54:00 PST

United States Internal Revenue Service Facts

I came across these facts on the United States Internal Revenue Service website (www.irs.gov) and I thought they were kind of interesting...1. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during Wor...
Posted by ~Tails on Fri, 04 May 2007 04:46:00 PST

Tosh Tagged Me!

Tosh tagged me! So you got tagged...  Here's how you play...once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts or habits about yourself.   At the end you c...
Posted by ~Tails on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 10:28:00 PST

Happy Easter!

In the spirit of the holiday season, I thought it would be nice to present a timeline of Jesus Christ's life, his works, his death, and all of his impressive subsequent doings. And I mean all of them,...
Posted by ~Tails on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 09:20:00 PST

Drink Drank Drunk...

1. When I'm drunk?I am a lampshade-on-the-head, pinch your grandmother's ass, fall into the decorative fountain at the expensive restaurant type drunk. (Not necessarily listed in the order of importan...
Posted by ~Tails on Fri, 16 Mar 2007 09:12:00 PST

My page... hijacked!

Recently, some dirty bastards hijacked my page, changed my password and started leaving unauthorized and stupid comments on all of my friend's pages, stuff about Viagra and how size does matter and di...
Posted by ~Tails on Wed, 14 Mar 2007 11:13:00 PST

Bad Habit

At work the other day, I was standing there biting my nails, when one of the secretaries said "You know, you get more germs in your mouth from biting your nails than if you were biting the head off a ...
Posted by ~Tails on Mon, 05 Mar 2007 03:33:00 PST

Relationships

My girlfriend and I have been having some ups and downs lately. Actually, you could say that we haven't seen eye to eye on several things for quite some time now. "We are broken up," she says, "Why ca...
Posted by ~Tails on Fri, 13 Oct 2006 05:39:00 PST

Dr.Phil's Test

Below is Dr Phil's 'Progressive Individual Personality Test'. (Dr. Phil himself scored an 85; and when he did this test on Oprah - she got a 38.) Some folks pay a lot of money to find this stuff out, ...
Posted by ~Tails on Wed, 03 Jan 2007 09:23:00 PST

To Catch a Predator...

DATELINE:TO CATCH A PREDATOR: SOUTH DAKOTAREPORTING: CHRIS HANSEN_________________________________________________CHRIS HANSEN (Voice Over)Our hidden cameras in South Dakota catch our predator as he p...
Posted by ~Tails on Wed, 21 Feb 2007 07:42:00 PST