S&M, Tattooing, Drawing, Cystic Fibrosis, BDSM, Fetish, Photography, Kush, Porn, German, Irish, Reptiles, Fish, Whips, Chains, Bondage, Motorcycles, Oxygen, Marijuana, Needles, I.V's, Antibiotics, Wolves, Chihuahuas, Piranhas, Sex, Oral Sex, Fucking, Branding, Blood, Bitches, Boobs, Butts, Dungeon, Psychology, Chevy, Honda Dirt Bikes, Speed, Discipline, Weed, Georgia, Women, Guns, Corn, Karma.
I'd like to meet:
Strippers and massage parlour patrons without any money or ID. Super heroes' dentists named Marvin and cross dressing physicists with agoraphobia and HPV. Single mothers and drug addicts. The KoolAid Man and the Westwood Insurance Cowgirl. Stupid, yet fuckable punkrock girls and rich, heterosexual bartenders with all the sweet hook-ups, which include hair-care product samples for all hair types. Men in chaps and clown noses praising our Lord. Elderly women in bike shorts and half shirts that say, "BadBoysBailBonds--Cuz you can't get ass-raped when you are out on bail." Pickpockets and mimes with Tourret's Syndrome. Amputee midgets with psoriasis riding hirsute women with cleft lips and buck teeth. Child stars who own their own homes. Policemen with an addiction to buying NYPD Blue set props on eBay and shoplifting from the dollar store while in full uniform and pumps that bring out his eyes so vibrantly. Particualr toddlers with penchants for abusing adults with hand-crafted hand-to-hand combat implements that contain religious supernatural powers. Big fat cats named, Spam, with glandular obesity and six large, white nipples set into black fur and its own feces. Men in pants. Women who wear bras and white cotton underpanties while pole-dancing to "She Bang" because when she moves, SHE MOVES. Frogs who are really wish-granting porn-starlettes with dyslexia. Young teachers with an unfortunate last name and the dream to be an unruly student sent to detention with the most hated PE teacher, Mr. Bufferton, who is rumored to put disruptive smart-alecs over his knee for spankings and a bit of tea with sugar and milk. Mental retards with a prescription for Viagra and an ounce of kind bud in a Smurfs lunchbox that shows Smurfette showing her snatch to Jokey if you look at it really hard. Bag boys who drive BMW's and migrant farm workers with all their teeth and no children. Meat packers who don't eat meat and terrorists that hate carbombs when civilians might be hurt by the flying, burning hot metal shards. Burn victims at barbeques. People in visors at Venice Beach who have never played hackeysack or picketed against the Bush Administration. Models with acne and large breasts. Nuns in Juggs magazine. The Gay Nude Male Review of Ohio singing kaoroke with the Blind Christian Fundamentalists of America group on the bus to Tijuana for a well-reviewed donkey show they saw in the Los Burros en Sus Suenos Anniversary issue, the issue with Bob Dole and Mary Kate Olsen on the cover. Identical twins, one good, one on coke with an eating disorder. A myopic spaceship captain lost in another dimension, desperate for directions, with nothing but sexy slaves to trade for fuel and snacks and a couple of HotRod mags with that girl from Home Improvement in short shorts and a ponytail expressing her idea of a perfect flame paintjob while bending deeply from the waist to pick up a toolbox full of ratchet parts, transmission parts and nail polish in glitter varieties for her toesies. Bird watchers in PVC and gasmask hoods being chased by bunny and chickie costumed Easter Egg activists actively celebrating Easter in an Eggstravaganza of egg hunting and reconnaisance for the Fatherland. Subversive girl scouts selling stale baked goods. Crooked boys and fast girls in leather and hair gel going to the UFO landing site to commune with an angel named, Moe, that they met at the bowling alley in Fresno last winter. Dweebs. Geeks. Nerds. Gary Coleman. You.
Movies:
Sick, Trainspotting, Boondock Saints, Goonies
