Rob profile picture

Rob

51% dude, 49% asshole.

About Me

On a good streak of not accidentally impregnating anyone. Mildly flatulent, massively sexcellent. I live for Sparks, laughs, naked time, and the weekends. I'm as punk rock as a reformed fat kid from the midwest can be, and I try to live my life the way Joe Strummer would've wanted me to. Throughout my life I've had pretty much every available men's haircut or hairstyle at least once, no matter how good or bad it looked. My friends comprise the dream team of people to get drunk with. I play guitar for The Douchebags, which in all actuality is a made-up band that doesn't really exist but has four members and their own MySpace page. I doubt there's anything more satisfying to the touch than squeezing a nice titty. I still haven't made up my mind about commas. And I'm arrogant as fuck.
Chances are my grandfathers used to fantasize about the same women that I do practically a century later, classy dames like Louise Brooks and Clara Bow.
A close friend of mine and I are trying to bring up and about a grassroots DIY clothing business, based all around repping hard for Baltimore, baby. It's called Harm City Inc. Friend us up and spread the word at myspace.com/harmcityinc ! We have shirts, hoodies, and a website at harmcityinc.com!
Oh, and I'm (still) trying to put together a zine collective called Any Warm Body. Yeah, so I stay pretty busy.

My Interests

-calling people out on their bullshit.
-being a total dude at all times.
-layin' deep in the cut.
-saying "that's how we do."
-playing air guitar.
-achieving and maintaining erections.
-making and recieving mixtapes.
-fondle frenzies.
-binge drinking.
-Charm City.
-real punk music, history, and lifestyle.
-MANTOBER, 31 days without shaving (anywhere), followed by the great November 'stache-off.
-cruisin' for trim / trollin' for gash.
-bro-downs.
-I love dares and double dares, and specialize in double-dog dares.
-vinyl.
-cool girls that go to MICA.
-things/people that are old.
-mocking anything and everyone.

I'd like to meet:

Anyone willing to share money, drugs, or their body with me. Preferably the last one.

No one who is unable to properly spell the English language that we've all agreed on, and no idiots who use excrutiatingly annoying abbreviations the likes of "omg" "lol" or "ppl". Fuck that shit.

People with practically the exact same tastes as me, so that together we might mock and belittle everyone different from us.

Music:


-The Douchebags
-Steven Hawking's Football Boots
-The Constipated
-That's Not Sloppy Joe
-Argyle Crocodile Menagerie
-Not Farting But Shitting
-James Cagney Buys American
-Cunty LeRoux
-The Whippersnappers
-Marmots Of Consequence
-Make Mine Mazel Tov
-The Blood Farts
-Matthew Broderick Must Die
-The 3-D Dangles
-The Dick Smalls
-Stanky And The Hang-Downs
-Alan Funtcake
-Fashionably Diabetic
-The Sweetchucks
-Whoadies Never Smile
-John Cougar Menstrual Cramp

Movies:



-horror (be it good, bad, cheesy, Italian, etc.)

-really exceptionally good movies

-movies with exposed breasts in them

-extreme Asian cinema

-John Larroquette and Kirstie Alley as Mark and Jessie Bannister in the delightful comedic romp "Madhouse."

Television:

Miami Ink marathons and shows that only exist to make fun of shit, like Best Week Ever and whatnot.

Books:

F. Scott Fitzgerald, Charles Bukowski, John Fante, Henry Thoreau. The Beats. Irvine Welsh. Kurt Vonnegut. Mark Twain. John Updike. That Thomas Pynchon guy's pretty good. Oscar Wilde. Hunter S Thompson. Bret Easton Ellis is good times. Chuck Paluhniuk is overrated. Chuck Klosterman is too. Fuck Chucks. John Kennedy Toole. Edwin Arlington Robinson = great poet. Hubert Selby. The Hedonism Handbook and The Paradox of Choice are two books which help me live the right life everyday. Forget all that "Bible" nonsense. I mean really, are you kidding?

Heroes:


"Alright, alright, alright..."

My Blog

This Semester Means...

-more reasons to masturbate-a lot of papers-less time to play Xbox 360-getting pissed a lot about a general lack of creativity and interesting viewpoint-talking a lot of shit on classmates-constant in...
Posted by Bobby on Thu, 01 Feb 2007 05:12:00 PST

Rediscovering Forgotten Wealth

Van Morrison and Harry Nilsson are both, respectively, the shit. Forget what you think you know about brown-eyed girls and coconuts, because there's much more to those two bastards than the shit you h...
Posted by Bobby on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 09:41:00 PST

Worst Band & Song EVER

The phonograph was invented in 1877.In over 130 years, a lot of shitty music has been recorded. This may be, just may be, the worst band to ever put out an album. Watch this video and try to keep your...
Posted by Bobby on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 05:41:00 PST

Those Who Should Be Punched, Vol. 1

-people who don't understand or catch sarcasm-people who think it's totally rad to be a moron-people in my apartment complex that get really good parking spots and never leave so their car is always t...
Posted by Bobby on Sun, 11 Jun 2006 04:52:00 PST

Unbelievable Wackiness

I just did a lot of reading about Scientology and man, is that stuff fucking insane or what? And I thought Muslims were wacky...scope this:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology#Operating_Thet an_lev...
Posted by Bobby on Thu, 23 Mar 2006 10:28:00 PST

The Sheer Brilliance of it

I just looked at the pages of thirteen different people I attended middle school and/or high school with. Then I scoped out a bunch of people that I used to know from the different colleges I've ...
Posted by Bobby on Sun, 19 Mar 2006 11:44:00 PST

It's My Belief...

That most every guy on MySpace is on here to either A) keep up on the girls he used to bang, orB) keep tabs on the girls he wants to bang, or maybeC) some combination of the two. Check your bookmarked...
Posted by Bobby on Wed, 01 Mar 2006 09:53:00 PST

Just Like A Woman

Record shopping over the weekend, I came across the Good Life's "Album of the Year."  I was totally stoked (instantly stoked, even), and promptly made my way with it to the cashier's register.&nb...
Posted by Bobby on Tue, 31 Jan 2006 07:37:00 PST

Obligatory 2005 Wrap-Up

BEST OF THE YEARparty: probably at Rob King and Tom's place, where we got a shit-ton of people in their house, followed by Rob King, Victor Elliot, and I all air-guitaring and rocking out to...
Posted by Bobby on Thu, 22 Dec 2005 07:03:00 PST

Blog Wild!: Mantober and Other Crap

So, apparently having a beard has seriously hampered any and all of my chances to ever appear even slightly attractive to the opposite sex. And not only do I look like a ne'er-do-well grizzled lumberj...
Posted by Bobby on Wed, 26 Oct 2005 08:05:00 PST