Professor Genius

I am a Professor Emeritus at South Dakota State University. I hold doctoral degrees in Anthropomorphic Sociology, Experimental Medicine, Global Astrophysics, and Economic Nomenclature. I am a member of the National Academy of Science, the Royal Society, the Burger King Kids Club, and the National Council of Bioethics. I have received the MacArthur Genius Grant, a Nobel Prize for Chemistry, and a Teen Choice Award. I have been nominated for four Daytime Emmys and a BAFTA. I currently spend my time writing an advice column, and when I am not doing that, I spend the bulk of my time going to Starbucks for a caramel frappucino. If it's not the caffeine and sugar that's addicting, I'd swear they are adding cocaine.