Uncle Mike - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Plan your trip Local Radar Detailed ForecastMy name is Mike, though in this age when fame is the alter at which most people worship, I am not sure why you should care who I am or that I exist. I am 26 years old. To a world-wise adult, I am little more than a child. To any child, however, I'm old enough to be distrusted, to be excluded forever from the magical community of the short and beardless. I lead an unusual life. Peculiar things happen to me that don't happen to other people with regularity, if ever. I was born on a Tuesday. For you, that's the day after Monday. For me, it's a day that, like the other six, brims with the potential for mystery, adventure, and terror. You should not take this to mean that my life is romantic and magical. Too much mystery is merely an annoyance. Too much adventure is exhausting. And a little terror goes a long way... That's what $97,586 in chips looks like. I gamble for a living. Kids always brag about being able to do handstands or sommersaults. Well I can roll a joint while driving with my knees. My favortie letter in the alphabet is the letter "K" because it sounds like a confused Mexican. My biggest goal this year is to sneak a retard into a sperm bank. Another goal is to find a bar in Southern California that serves decent breakfast as well hard liquor. I appreciate the finer things in life, such as when a chick looks good in a mullet. Sometimes I put my motorcycle helmet on and drive to the store, in my car of course. I have a weakness for good beer, New York Times crossword puzzles, strippers named Cinnamon, cigars from Havana, great bourbon, and of course Las Vegas. I'm really cool, I chill to the max, I may act a little crazy, but I don't smoke crack!

My Interests

Get Your Own! | View Slideshow-Shenanigans -Turntablism -Mercury in Retrograde -Bourbon -Dick and Fart Jokes -Fat Tire -Jack Sours -Ketel Tonics - Jager Red Bull -Sierra Nevada -NORML -Red Versus Blue -sushi -stuff from Paul Mitchell -Places with the Area Code 702 -Flaming Hot Cheetos -Riverdance -Vintage T&C T-Shirts -cooking -getting "dome" from bitches -cameltoe.org -Jalepeno and Cheese Go-Go Taquitos from 7-11 -beermaking -stuff made of duct tape -mash-ups, covers, and remixes -going to concerts -Zombie Contingency Plans -Putting Pandas into Go-Karts?

I'd like to meet:

Trey Anastasio, Steve Wynn, Dave Chappelle, Kevin Smith, Kristin Kreuk, Matt Groening, Seth MacFarlane, Tom Collichio, and Humberto Brenes. Any girl that knows the difference between Axilla Part I and Part II and still prunes herself. Plus who has skin that's soft like baby doo doo... Picture taken by Vinh

Music:

Movies:

Anything Star Wars, The Usual Suspects, Goodfellas, Indiana Jones Trilogy, All Movies with Jay and Silent Bob, The first Matrix movie, Ocean's 11, Confidence, Rounders, Once Upon a Thief, There's Something about Mary, Detroit Rock City, The Killer, A Better Tomorrow, Cannonball Run I and II, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Snatch, Casino, Rain Man, Big Fish, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, The Goonies, Out Cold, The Big Lebowski, and Spaceballs.

Television:

Once Upon a Hamster R.I.P., Iron Chef, Da Ali G Show, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Las Vegas, MXC, Samllville, anything with Rachael Ray Sandra Lee, and two shows I'm ashamed of watching Dance 360 and The Gastineau Girls.

Books:

Bobos in Paradise, On a Pale Horse, Cannery Row, The Deed, Green Eggs and Ham, Man with the $100000 Breasts, On Paradise Drive : How We Live Now (And Always Have) in the Future Tense, The Official Guide to Halo 2, anything by Iceberg Slim, and of course the Doniac Schvice

Heroes:

Homer Simpson, Cliff from Cheers, Hogan, Conan the Barbarian, Conan O' Brien, Yoda, and Playas true to da game! Oh yeah and I almost forgot this guy...

My Blog

promiscuous girl you’re teasing me you know what I want and I got what you need

can't stop smoking. it's because i don't have the strength to control my smoking and that addiction is a "disease." my boss thinks i just don't have any "d...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Wed, 05 Sep 2007 01:11:00 PST

Yo put your number on this paper cause I would love to date ya Holla at ya when I come off tour

happy birthday hayden pannettiere! guess who just turned 18? oh yeah! i hope hiro bones her in season 2... ...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Tue, 21 Aug 2007 12:50:00 PST

We eat and drink while tomorrow they die.

i've been pondering about this for the last 4 hours. which is the more appropriate item to fill up a vampire pinata with, candy or little vials of blood? it's thoughts like this one tha...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Sat, 04 Aug 2007 05:23:00 PST

If I wanna squirt her, take her to Fatburger

it looks nothing like this. never trust a burger when the name of it was inspired by a schwarzenegger movie. or maybe it was named after a jim cameron movie. it should have been named after ...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Tue, 31 Jul 2007 06:32:00 PST

They call me Big John Studd, middle name Mud

Red Bull: not vegan? GlucoseLike most popular soft drinks, Red Bull is largely sugar water. But don't count on its glucose to "give you wings," as the ad says. Multiple studies have debunked the so-ca...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Sun, 29 Jul 2007 04:06:00 PST

So where ya going to tommorrow?

Harrah's is about to spend a $1B in renovations nationwide on their casinos. No pictures or artists renditions have been revealed yet. This was their press release edited down for content. The center ...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Fri, 20 Jul 2007 01:14:00 PST

he could be your whole life, if you got past one night, but that part never goes right

went to 7-11 after work today and got a fresh sprinklicious donut. it's so effing good. basically they take a regular glazed donut then add pink cake frosting (not icing) and put a shitload of sp...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Tue, 17 Jul 2007 08:32:00 PST

Come on baby won't you show me what you got

NY times article on the Guitar Hero craze. I used to like Guitar Freaks. It was a way easier game, with 3 buttons and an effects knob. I always thought that Guitar Freaks and Guitar Heroes were made b...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Tue, 17 Jul 2007 04:32:00 PST

a little less conversation, a little more action....

Butters is celebrating her birthday. In honor of her, here's a list of stuff things you probably didn't know about Vegas. Also someone made a comment to me the other day about how I usually blog...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Mon, 16 Jul 2007 05:38:00 PST

Just when I think I'm gonna get away I hear those words that you always say

i think if there is one magician i hate more than david blaine, it's this fucker. performing magic, to music that requires a guitar to be tuned to DADGBE (drop D tuning), does not make you cool. ...
Posted by Uncle Mike on Fri, 13 Jul 2007 06:01:00 PST