Air

"i'm not that desprate, alone, oh god, i am"......................................................" Sometimes in the morning i am petrified and can't move, awake but cannot open my eyes. And the weight is crushing down on my lungs i know i can't breathe and hope someone will help me this time your mother's still calling you insane and high, swearing it's different this time and you tell her to give in to the demons that posess her that god never blessed her insides. then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things, crawl back into bed to think of a time when your heart was open wide, and you loved things just because, like the sick, and the dieing. AND SOMETIMES WHEN YOUR ON, YOUR REALLY FUCKING ON and you friends they sing along and they love you but the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap and it teases you for weeks in its absence. but you'll fight and you'll make it through, you'll fake it if you have to, and you'll show up for work with a smile and you'll be better, and you'll be smarter, more grown up and a better daughter or son and a real good friend. you'll be awake you'll be alert you'll be positive though it hurts and you'll laugh and embrace all your friends and you'll be a real good listener you'll be honest you'll be brave you'll be hansome and you'll be beautiful you'll be happy."---------------------------------------------------"I WANT YOU TO HIT ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN."