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My childhood was really no different from any other. An only child, I would fill my hours by digging really large holes in the garden in a bid to reach Australia. I had a goldfish named Snoopy who committed suicide by jumping out of his bowl. He succeeded in his attempt to end it on all his second try. After school, the local nonce would try to lure us into his caravan or we would be chased by a farmer with his gun after scaring his geese. I once had some pet tadpoles who died after I fed them chicken on a piece of string.
As a teenager, I would go cruising for traffic cones. TV appearances of note include The National Lottery with Dale winton, where my mate and I got a dirty look off the ball guy for making too much noise and Central news talking about 'relationships' and the importance of communication. Any thing to get on telly!
I decided to start my own cult called 'The Cult of Madness' with the dress code of 'loose but not baggy, tight but not constrictive'. Membership was hard to determine due to all the alter egos encouraged but it wasn't the great success I hoped it would be so I disbanded it. Once, whilst under the influence of a herbal cigarette, I had a fight with a shower curtain, forgot how to spell 'a', asked myself a question, gave myself the answer, then argued with it. One day, I noticed my late cat Isabella had a mullet, so I cut if off. It grew back.
I can be usually be found dancing, killing Behind Blue Eyes on the guitar or writing shite on the internet. I hope to be remembered as an idiot
