Kelley Newman, The Sausage King of Chicago profile picture

Kelley Newman, The Sausage King of Chicago

What would Audrey Hepburn do?

About Me

I'm a bit of a dodecahedron. There are many different sides to my personality and I'd like to think I'm pretty adaptable to various situations and people. If I could create a venn diagram i'd be somewhere in the overlapping circle area. Republicans call me a Liberal, but Liberals accuse me of being a Republican. Now that I've alienated everyone, I'll continue. I enjoy the company of people who are cerebral and have a sense of humor. Irresponsible people are one of my biggest annoyances. I am impressed by humility and not by pictures of your car. Unless your car is a DeLorean that can travel through time, I am not impressed by your car. I have synesthesia. I go to church more sporadically than I should. I hate cigarettes. I work in public relations. I have REEEEALLLY bad short-term memory (almost to the point of retardation) but superhuman bionic long-term memory. I am the least photogenic person on the planet. I don't call boys. (first, anyway.) I believe that prayer works. My family comes first. I hate double negatives and the misuse of apostrophes. I despise facial hair. I like animals better than people. I like to hit golfballs at the country club. I like to go to punk rock shows. I believe in the Golden Rule. Black cats make me incredibly sad. I love the bagpipes. Sometimes, I spell things the British way. I believe Gary Oldman to be an utter genius. I'm good at Jeopardy. I am: English, Ulster Scots-(Irish), Welsh, Latvian and Cherokee. I have double jointed elbows. I'm afraid of heights and elevators. I have been to every (inhabitable) continent except Africa and plan to cross that off my list this summer. For more on me, please refer to my friend Lacie's personal profile, as she and I appear to be interchangable in many ways, with the exception of minor things like toilet humour and weaving looms. Fin.

My Interests

history, reading, international travel, fitness, ballet, etymology/languages (particularly Germanic and Celtic) music, going to shows, animals, dancing (swing dancing, ballet, irish dance and also dancing to '80's music), vegetarian food (and sushi, sometimes I cheat), the news, NPR, CNN, anything faerie-oriented, history/geneology (i am a big believer in knowing where you come from.), Whole Foods, Barnes and Noble, the Romanovs, Victorian-era photography, ultimate fighting, day spas, examining my pores in the mirror for disproportionate amounts of time, analyzing people's surnames, drinking 40's, proving people wrong, breaking into abandoned buildings and exploring even though it is unwise, being anal about spelling and grammar, smelling every single fragrance of scented candle that is on display, Fisher Island, Mirasol, Barney's Beanery, barbecues, staying in and watching bad TV, putting ketchup on things that other people think it's gross to put ketchup on, being an exception to the rule, playing devil's advocate, riding in/on shopping carts, attempting to pet every single animal I encounter, singing in the car, eating. Eating is a big one for me. I am in love with food and I hope that won't come back to haunt me some day. Despite the fact that these things are truly interests of mine, I'm actually quite dull on a daily basis.

I'd like to meet:

My granddaddy and Papa Jones. My cousin Brian. My uncle Wayne.

A real man for a change.

Dick Van Dyke. Lucille Ball. Julie Andrews. Also, Tim Curry. Maybe Bettie Page. Definitely Jesus, so I can ask him point blank what the deal is about certain things.

Music:

entirely too many to name, but i'll give you an idea: Depeche Mode, Minor Threat, The Jackson 5, Tori Amos, Blondie, Led Zeppelin, Moby, the Go-Gos, Reverend Horton Heat, Gaelic Storm, Ray Charles, Nirvana, Michael Jackson, Dashboard Confessional, Frank Sinatra, The White Stripes, '80's music, NIN, Shiny Toy Guns, Etta James, Danny Elfman, particularly the Edward Scissorhands soundtrack, Joan Jett and the Black Hearts, a variety of punk/indie bands which is an entire list in and of itself, (minor threat, bouncing souls, the queers, mxpx, dropkick murphys, sex pistols, avail, boy sets fire, ask me, there are too many.) river city high, nuclear saturday, bjork, No Motiv, Thrice, Rage Against the Machine, Jimi Hendrix, Siouxsie & the Banshees, The Killers, Sunny Day Real Estate, the Living End, Brian Setzer/Stray cats, classical piano music (Chopin, Beethoven, Bach, Schubert, Mozart etc.) Midtown, Gary Numan (and i'm not just saying that because he's my dad), Incubus, oldies (anything from the 50's to the mid 60's, I grew up on that stuff. 1958 was an especially great year for music in my opinion.) Early Elvis Presley, Etta James, The Four Seasons, Richie Valens, Eartha Kitt, Brenda Lee, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Buddy Holly, Madonna, Interpol, The Monkees, deftones, new order, green day, kruder and dorfmeister, talvin singh, massive attack, tool, a perfect circle, oakenfold, juliana theory, Rufus Wainwright, funk, bluegrass, swing, scottish/irish folk music/bagpipes, ministry, godhead, Front 242, industrial. i can't commit to a genre. of course, this is by no means an exhaustive list.

Movies:

Go ahead and give me the business about my taste in movies. I don't care: High Fidelity, Back to the Future trilogy, The Breakfast Club, Tim Burton movies (Sleepy Hollow and Edward Scissorhands are my favorites) Wizard of Oz, RETURN to Oz, The Wiz! (great soundtrack!!), Neverending Story, Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Shag, From Hell, Seven, Quills, Adventures in Babysitting, Interview with the Vampire, Crash, 13 Going on 30, Cold Mountain, Elizabeth, Iron Jawed Angels, Fight Club, American Psycho, Willow, The Red Balloon, Just One of the Guys, But I'm a Cheerleader!, Goonies, Fried Green Tomatoes,Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Clue!, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Pleasantville, Party Monster, Gangs of New York, Wait Until Dark, A League of Their Own, The Birdcage, Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid, Anastasia, Wizard of Oz even though i already said that, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Ever After, Serendipity, American History X, Forest Gump, Welcome to the Dollhouse, SLC Punk!, Citizen Kane, Mary Poppins, Vertigo, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Titanic, Beetlejuice, The Parent Trap (Haley Mills---NOT Lindsay Lohan), The Bad Seed, Carrie, horror flicks in general, period movies, the Pippi Longstocking series dubbed in English from the original Swedish c. 1973. I'm inclined to say "The Pirate Movie" but I can't determine if it's actually love or hate I feel for this movie. I can tell you one thing--Most Disturbing movie scene ever: In "Ghost", when Whoopi Goldberg lets Patrick Swayze use her body so he can make out with Demi Moore. There are no words.

Television:

Favorite shows of all time: Three's Company and I Love Lucy, and I also love Sex and the City. I am also pretty religious about watching Jeopardy and a great way to piss me off is to talk to me during it. Really love the Family Guy and I am proud to say I was one of the 111,000 people who helped get it back on TV. I like TLC, Discovery Channel, Discovery Channel Healh, History Channel, and National Geographic. And, on Univision, I love me some iSabado Gigante! (* Note: iSabado Gigante! is the most random show on television.)

Books:

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. (Betty Smith), To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee), A Treasury of Royal Scandals (Michael Farquar) A Series of Unfortunate Events books (Lemony Snicket) High Fidelity by (Nick Hornby) The Treatment (Mo Hayder.) Night (Elie Wiezel) Alice's Adventures in Wonderland (Lewis Carroll), Angela's Ashes (Frank McCourt) Prozac Nation (Elizabeth Wertzel). Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger). I am a fan of Toni Morrison, Stephen King and Roald Dahl. I still dig Ramona Quimby and Lois Duncan books. I also read a lot of miscellaneous history. At any given time, you can find me researching any number of things, anything from Ann Boleyn to Ann Coulter, from the Khmer Rouge to the Protestant Reformation. I am obsessed with the Romanov family murders. I have a penchant for dictionaries and thesauruses (thesauri?), the CIA World Factbook and Wikipedia.

Heroes:

Allyson Newman and Gary Newman. Nanny. Jesus. Joan of Arc. Margaret Sanger. Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Lucretia Mott, Alice Paul, Lucy Burns and all those girls. Joan Jett. 'Nancy' from Oliver Twist. Dr. Drew. Tori Amos, Jack Tripper, Pippi Longstocking, Punky Brewster, Anne ("with an e") Shirley.