ROB

I am bored 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time, I am mildly amused. I loose interest with things very quickly, I cannot concentrate or do not desire to. Yeah your thinking ADD. No. I just don't care enough about most things to hold any interest in it. Every morning I'm mad that I woke up again. I am not suicidal. I hate my job, I do not care about it or most of the people I work around. The way I see it, its all a waste of time and accomplishes nothing. I fix airplane engines. They break because the pilots fly around in circles over the base all day. Supposedly they are training. Training for what? To go blow some shit up in Iraq? A war that we started, which reasons for starting or so concealed and wrong in the 1st place. My relationship to my job and the government is a paradox. Other reasons for my disappointment every morning? Every day is the same, and at the same time completely different. What new bullshit rule will supervision make today? Then go ahead and change it the next day. What person will fuck up there job and put us a day behind our schedule resulting in to long of a shift that I don't get paid extra for. Meanwhile some pencil pusher with my same rank works up in finance, worse half as hard and half as often gets paid the same and deals with a fraction of the bullshit. So far this seems like a government/military bashing. Maybe it is. I didn't intend for it, I was just caught up in the moment. What would I rather do though. Thats a good question. I have no plans or goals, long or short term. I am not strict with myself what so ever. I suppose I don't care enough about myself. Maybe it is a sub conscience death wish, of a sort. My diet is absolute shit. My sleep schedule tends to be inconsistent and I am tired most of the time. When I get sick, I don't care much, I know I'll get better eventually and I do nothing to accelerate the process. I am usually lazy and disorganized. I don't have motivation to do much at all. When I find myself interested in things, it usually does not last long before I get bored again. I may be very eccentric about it at first, but it always fades away. But I constantly hold the interest, just no motivation to pursue it. For instance, I am fascinated by psychology, philosophy, astronomy, and physics. I will occasionally buy a book or 2 about the subject or do some web research. I never finish the books. And it can be some time before I return to the web page. IT makes me upset, I know I have the potential. I just have no motivation and it's so much work to get a degree in any of those fields. Here I go again, I have already lost interest in writing this, I had so much on my mind too.