Johnno Dean - ProfilesArchive

About Me

"; I edited my profile at Freeweblayouts.net , check out these Myspace Layouts!
Hello, I am Johnno and welcome to my MySpace page. I am currently single, so ladies, if you're interested (and who wouldn't be?), leave a comment.
i'm a person just like you
but i've got better things to do
then sit around and fuck my head
hang out with the living dead
snort white shit up my nose
pass out at the shows
i don't even think about speed
thats something i just don't need
i've got the straight edge
i'm a person just like you
but i've got better things to do
then sit around and smoke dope
cause i know that i can cope
laugh at the thought of eating ludes
laugh at the thought of sniffing glue
always gonna keep in touch
never want to use a crutch
i've got the straight edge

I am a father of FIVE children! One of them is well fit. If my cum didn't create her, I would hit that ass. In fact, here are my opinions on my kids.
JAKE
He is straight up MURDERING SCUM! But you know what, I heard that this Valentine slag was a complete and utter twat anyways, so my son did the universe good. But he's taking too much shit from that Sonny idiot (who is on my top mates list under Devon?!? Who the fuck is Devon?). Jake should unleash his Thai Boxing skills on the little toe rag to shut him the fuck up once and for all.
DEBBIE
DAMN! Why did my semen create her? I would be all up in that ass if she wasn't my daughter. Why is incest even illegal? I wouldn't mind pulling apart my daughter's beef curtains and washing the windows with cum. It's so unfair. And I ain't a sicko too, because I smacked a paedo one time.
STEPHANIE
You're a complete joke! You can't sing, so you sleep around with ugly footballers and obviously gay pop stars to get in the papers. You're like that hideous hoe who bragged about having sex with Deano Wicks, you tart. The sad thing is, Jack Osbourne is allowing this. I would have beat Steph black and blue for being such a disgraceful slut. YOU MAKE ME SICK!
CRAIG
There are rumors around the block that Craig maybe turning gay soon. I'm sorry, but I raised that boy to be a MAN! Having a cock up your bum ISN'T MANLY! It's Jack who has been raising him these past two years, therefore he turned him into a complete fairy. But if he did turn gay, I want him to be a cool gay, like his mate John Paul. Not any of this "OOOOOOOOOH I'M GAY EVERYONE! LOOK AT ME! I AM GAY! OOOOOOOH", like that cunt from Coronation Street and that other wankstain who was flatmates with the great Kristian Hargreves (I did a porn site with him by the way. It's on Freewebs somewhere. I might have been deleted now).
PRESLEY
I binned that tart who gave birth to him. I ain't ever seeing him again unless he tracks me down via private investigators or a shit daytime talk show. He better not anyway, he'll end up like Craig imo.
Two years ago, I told those cocksuckers from "Mersey TV", who filmed around my area, to not show me on camera anymore. This was because I had a vicious stalker who sent me various death threats. Don't worry tho, I got fed up with her and knocked her block off, but I regret telling them not to film me now. Especially because I need publicity for my rap/death metal/art/absurd group, The Michael Greco Connection (top friends list).
So enjoy my page, and add me! (Unless you're trying to plug something to me, don't fucking bother because I don't care).
This is me on some Hot Chocolate ad back in 1994. The pay was fucking shit, but I only did it because I had a solo rap career at the time.
Some Miss Piggy lookalike admitting she has the hots for me. This was during a wild 50's night which was aired for Sky Travel back in 1999, but UK Gold somehow got the rights instead. Telling you know, Frankie was unimpressed (I did shag Miss Piggy afterwards. Such a plump hoe).
I sell some shit to some really old slag who I was a shopkeeper in Hollyoaks back in the 80's. She was minging. What the camera's didn't catch was me pulling my trunk out and jizzing over fatty's face for a laugh.

My Interests

I like to be straight edge. That;s right, I don't drink, I don't smoke and I don't take drugs. Other than that, I like wrestling, MMA, X-Box 360/PS3/Wii nights, watching my family make jokes of themselves on the hit TV show Hollyoaks, getting messages from horny women on MySpace who so obviously want my phallus, punch ups, going to the garage, sex (preferably with younger women 18-40) and going to the pictures

I'd like to meet:

Oxide and Neutrino
Kriss Akabusi
Jamey Jasta from Hatebreed
Collin Farrell
Curt Hening (RIP)
Bret Hart
Royce Gracie
Trivium
Daniel Day Lewis
Andy Tosspot (again, RIP)

!ALL_ABOUT_ME! by giggles4o8
*BASICS*
NAME:: Johnno Dean
AGE:: 47
BIRTHDAY:: 9/07/1959
BIRTHPLACE:: West Ham, London
CURRENT LOCATION:: Hollyoaks, Chester
HERITAGE:: Erm, The Dean Family!?!?!
EYE COLOR:: Blue
HAIR COLOR:: Brown
HEIGHT:: I don't measure myself, do I?
PIERCINGS:: I had a belly button piercing back in 1999 when I saw Billy Gunn from WWF have one. Then everyone thought it was gay, so I ripped it out to show my manilness.
TATTOOS:: I have "Bad Arse Attack" on my buttcheeks.
WHAT COLOGNE/PERFUME DO U WEAR:: Joop. It's the stuff made for kings.
*FAVORITES*
COLOR:: I do like Blue.
MUSIC:: Elvis, Fear Factory, The Who, U2, Pantera, At The Gates and many other extreme stuff.
SPORT:: Football, MMA, Pro Wrestling.
HOLIDAY:: My favourite holiday had to be in 1996 when I went on some lads stag night in Exeter. It was grab a granny night and everyone pulled except me. I just took photos of their shame lol.
FOOD:: Love italian food.
*THIS OR THAT*
HUGS OR KISSES:: Kisses. I like it when a woman kisses my shaft. She ain't gonna hug it cause she'll hurt my stem.
PEPSI OR COKE:: You can't sniff Pepsi now, can you? Idiots.
MCDONALDS OR BURGER KING:: McDonalds. It may taste like crap, but at least it's not expensive.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA:: Chocolate. I like Chocolate bums compaired to the vanilla ones.
LOVER OR FIGHTER:: If you know me, I'm both. I talk a good fight, and love a good fight.
FRIENDS OR FAMILY:: Friends. Some family members are just dislikeable cunts. Like my cousin Nigel. He is a fucking cocksmith, I swear.
LOVE OR MONEY:: Money. At least money isn't painful lol.
LISTEN TO SOMEONE TALK OR TALKING:: I do all the talking. I am the king of the shoot interview, the king of the promos and when I talk, people listen!
PERSONALITY OR LOOKS:: Looks definatly. You ain't gonna shag a munter now, are you? Be honest now.
*IN A BOY/GIRL*
EYE COLOR:: I don't give two shits.
HAIR COLOR:: Blonde, but I do have time for a brunette too.
SHORT OR LONG HAIR:: I don't mind. Either way, if you're a hot bird, I'll shag you.
HEIGHT:: Not a massiive woman. Fuck that for a laugh. When you're licking from her punani to her mouth, it will take at least 40 seconds to complete. I just don't have the time.
STYLE:: She has to have glamour model looks. No way am I dating a bland woman.
PIERCINGS OR TATTOOS:: They are arrousing, to say the least.
HOT OR CUTE:: Cute women are just prudes. Hot women just want to shag, and I'm fine by that.
*FRIENDS*
WHOS UR BEST FRIEND:: Mike Barnes.
WHOS THE LOUDEST:: Richard Taylor. Especially when drunk lol.
WHO HAVE U KNOWN LONGEST:: I would say Tony. A top of the pops Chef.
WHOS THE SHYEST:: None of my mates are shy. We're fucking Team Legend!
COOLEST FRIEND:: Has to be Mike. We have so much in common. Like UFC, PS2, wrestling that isn't just WWE. He's awesome.
PRETTIEST FRIEND:: I ain't gay, so I wouldn't know.
WEIRDEST FRIEND:: Has to be Mike again. How could he go back to that old skank Cathy when I am offering him some Daily Sport punani on a plate? It's absurd.
*LOVE*
ARE U IN LOVE:: Not anymore mate.
IF YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE NOW, HAVE U EVER BEEN:: Many times.
DO U BELIEVE IN LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT:: Yes. I fell in love with Joss Stone when I first saw her. Problem is, she was only 15 at the time! I ain't a wild paedo cos I didn't know at the time. Now she is 19 tho, I fucking would in a heartbeat!
LONGEST RELATIONSHIP:: With Frankie, sadly.
WOULD U GO OUT WITH SOMEONE JUST FOR THEIR MONEY:: They have to be hot. If they are fat mingers, then it's not worth it.
DO U GO ON "PITY DATES":: I'm actually going on a pity date now. Do you know Becca on my top friends list? I'm only going out for her because I pity her. And to get over my ex glamour model wife who is just absolutely hotter than anyone ever.
KISS ON THE FIRST DATE:: Yes. Women love my sugar lips.
SEX ON THE FIRST DATE:: Yes. Women love my sugar cock.
EVER CHEATED ON A B/F OR G/F? BE HONEST:: I should write a book about all my cheating. It would be 204567 pages long. Like the bible lol.
*WHOS THE LAST PERSON*
KISSED:: I kissed the ring of Hollyoaks Mafia man, Warren. It's not gay, it's respect!
HUGGED:: I hugged Ava Devine on Sunday.
TOLD U THEY LOVED U:: My nan.
TOLD THEM U LOVED THEM:: That my as well just have been "WHO DID YOU LOSE YOUR MANILNESS TOO?"
TALKED TO ON THE PHONE:: I talked to Luke Peters about Lego Star Wars on the PS2.
YELLED AT:: I yelled at some brickie cos he said my ex had lovely milkers. What a cunt.
BROKE UR HEART:: Don't make me break out the Silverchair video!
SAID THEY HATED U:: Craig back in 2005. What a cocksmith. I hate him back.
U TOLD U HATED:: I rang up that Carmel McQueen bird for a laugh and pretended to be Kevin from Kevin and Perry fame. LOL the bitch cried like a baby.
*RANDOM QUESTIONS*
DO U DO DRUGS:: Used to back in the day. Strawberries, skag, pills, trees. You name it, I did it (except date rape drugs).
DO U DRINK:: On occasions. When there is a big UFC PPV on.
DO U WANT TO GET MARRIED:: Been there, done that.
DO U WANT TO HAVE KIDS:: I have about 5. I never see them these days lol. I have my son Jake on my MySpace list, but he won't get in contact with his old man!
DO U BELIEVE IN URSELF:: Yes, as I am tremendous.
DO U THINK UR ATTRACTIVE:: Of course. If I was gay, I'd fancy me.
WHAT STAR/CELEBRITY DO MOST PEOPLE SAY U RESEMBLE:: Stevie Richards from WWE/ECW
WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE U SAW IN THE THEATER? WAS IT GOOD:: Clerks II and it was splendid. Thanks for asking.
CAN U HANDLE THE TRUTH:: I can handle anything (except for penises and used dildos)
BIGGEST WEAKNESS:: Punanis. Definatley punanis.
BIGGEST FEAR:: Being raped.
MOST MISSED MEMORY:: Nah, I save a lot of memories in my brain lol.
FIRST THOUGHT WAKING UP:: Man, I have such stiff morning wood.
IF U DONT RECOGNIE THE NUMBER ON UR CALLER ID, DO U ANSWER:: yes, and fuck about with them a little bit lol.
HOW DO U WANT TO DIE:: Being shagged to death by a hot chick I suppose.
DO U GET ALONG WITH UR PARENTS:: I did yes. Quite splendid folks
DO U SWEAR:: I swear on my life I swear.
NUMBER OF PAST THINGS U REGRET:: Regrets are for losers man. Shit.
HOW DO YOU WANT TO DIE:: Didn't you already ask me that? Mmmmmmm thicko.
WHAT TIME IS IT:: 10 to 4 in the morning. Fuck I best be off to bed.
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Music:

Elvis, At The Gates, Pantera, Boy George, Killing Joke, Fear Factory, Slayer, Korn, Slipknot, Kunt And The Gang, Ne-Yo, Shakira, The Fugees, Faith No More, Notorious BIG, Wu Tang Clan, Funeral For A Friend (THE WELSHIES!), Godsmack, Ozzy Osbourne, Boy Next Door, Blink 182, Silverchair, Cannibal Corpse

Movies:

Has to be the mighty "Ouch, You're Hurting My Stinkhole"

Television:

Hollyoaks (best reality TV ever), Big Brother, South Park, WWE, UFC, TWC and Dirty Sanchez, phone sex channels.

Books:

Been a while since I read a good book. I hate those who say "BOOKS!?! WHAT ARE THOSE THEN? LOLOLOL". Yeah, you're so hard, aren't you?

Heroes:

Elvis Presley, CM Punk and Bret Hart

My Blog

BIG BROTHER!

Man I can't wait. I heard it was an all girl house. MAybe we'll get to see some hot hoes lezzing it off! Who needs to buy Viv Thomas DVD's, right? But the one downside to BB is Davina McCall, who is...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Wed, 30 May 2007 12:17:00 PST

DALE WINTON, I HAVE A 9mm WITH YOUR NAME ON IT!

I WILL FILL YOU FULL OF LED AND THEN YOU WILL BE STRAIGHT UP DEAD I WOULD KILL GRAHAM NORTON INSTEAD BUT HE'S FUCKING ELTON JOHN IN BED I WIL JUMP OUT THE SUPERMARKET GOING POP POP I WILL SHOOT FROM ...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Fri, 23 Feb 2007 05:40:00 PST

PEOPLE WHO I WILL BLAST WITH A 9mm (BLOG)

Gary BarlowThis nigga is straight up tripping. He thinks he can put the mack down, but he is talking shit, so I'll have to lay the Smackdown. The bitch will get a Batista Bomb off me, followed by bein...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 04:53:00 PST

Peep this.

Don't step up to me I'm a crazy ass G I'll load my strap And you'll take a permenant nap I won't hesitate to bust a cap How does it feel being threatened by a Mack 10 Don't piss off the Lean Dean Sex...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Sat, 10 Feb 2007 04:17:00 PST

Cleo from Celebrity Big Brother is a cakey cow RANT

What a fucking ridiculous tart.I have been watching like a cat as of late, and I am starting to get really ticked off with this stupid bint. She is like the embarassing auntie who tries, but fails, to...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 06:15:00 PST

My match against The Rock in SLIDE FORM!

I was disappointed that I didn't make him bleed. But I was distracted by this wonderful hoe on ITV right now lol. Basically, if it wasn't for this gorgeous bit of fluff on ITV, I would have tried to m...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Fri, 12 Jan 2007 05:23:00 PST

Me against Edge at Royal Rumble photos.

Man, that was a piece of piss really. So much for a former WWE Champion!The advertisement that was being sent around to many, many people.I decided to bring Trish Stratus with me. I am planning to pou...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Thu, 11 Jan 2007 01:32:00 PST

Now and then

***Ten years ago*** How old were you?: I was 37 mate. Where did you go to school? I didn't go to school Where did you work? I was a schoolteacher for Hollyoaks Primary School. Went on to become hea...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Tue, 28 Nov 2006 03:31:00 PST

DEAN GAFFNEY VS RICHARD BLACKWOOD on Smackdown vs RAW!

THE PLAY BY PLAY ANALYSIS!THE BATTLE OF THE CHINA WHITE CREW!The Gladiators prepare to square off!LETS GET IT ON!GAFF BOTTOM! (Rock Bottom)THE BLACK OUT! (Northern Lights Bomb)Gaffney pummells Blackwo...
Posted by Johnno Dean on Thu, 23 Nov 2006 03:01:00 PST

HEAVY DEBATE! WHO WILL BRITNEY SPEARS MARRY NEXT?

BRITISH WRESTLER SPUDDAVE MUSTAINEPANCHO FROM DIRTY SANCHEZMICK HUCKNALLTHE FASHI say The Fash....
Posted by Johnno Dean on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 04:43:00 PST