The Animal Closet

The Animal Closet came together whilst Chris Cuomo was a wee little tot. Chris had a paper route around the small town known only to those that reside there. One special day he wasattackted by a wild Centaur. Chris defined himself as the apprentice to the enchanted Wizard of West Dischendorflaphausenshire... and that he was hard of hearing. The Centaur wasn't having any of that. The Centaur, we'll call him Ronnie, slammed Chris onto the wet, yet dryfloor and whispered the secrets of rock n' roll into the boy's virgin ear. From that point on Chris knew he was destined for a lifestyle resembling that of the wild Centaur. The secrets of Ronnie are only knownto Chris. Years later, Chris slayed Ronnie for giving him lip about not valuing their relationship. Ronnie's head can be seen hanging in the basement of his mother's house. According to legend, everytime Chris writes a song, a single tear falls from Ronnie's glass eye.
Chris eventually found the other members of the band who have also lived their lives by the wild.
Tony Singh was a goat in his past life. He struck many men with his long, envious horns. Sweating is something Tony always had a problem with. Eventually, Tony ripped his horns from his bodyand stretched his skin over wooden shells, which enabled him to rid himself of the constant perspiration and also allowed him to project the incessant hoof patterns that plaugued his soul.
Erika Moran was a mime in her passed life. Pretending for Erika was infinite. She always dreamed of dreaming. One day whilst on the corner of Essex and Broadway, she had an epiphany. Whyis there black paint on her face...why not on her fingers? She then dreamed of imaginery ropes and glass balls. She crawlled across the frayed, icey ropes that were keeping her from her dream. Shegrabbed the balls of ice and vowed that she would never fall victim to the grasps of her father. She used the leg hair of egyptians to form her instrument. Sacrificing the flesh that held those hairs.
Jake Hall is a story unlike any other. Jake was gifted from birth. As a little boy Jake held defiantly onto his mom's bed time pants. He knew that these pants heldthe secrets of his destiny. He cherished those pants so much that he killed his own sister for washing them. One night whilst Jake was in sleepy town his sister's pants came alive. They told him that in his past life he was a psychic medium and that it was now his duty to release the deceased within. Shockingly, Jake did a dance and told the pants to screw. He wasn't into that hocus pocus bullshit and he certainly didn't want to communicate for the dead, especially if his sister came through. She was a bitch.The pants threatened Jake with 7 years bad luck if he did not fulfill this prophecy. He so did. He currently wears his dead sister's pants under his clothes.
Thousands of years later, the band met and realized that they desperately wanted to have metaphorical sex with eachother. They so did and Erika birthed a gross, mutant beast so they all killed it and ate it. Things were pretty awkward after that. After countless hours of listening to James Taylor's "Don't Let me be Lonely Tonight" they pushed aside their differences and agreed to never think about that gross, mutant baby again. They sat around the fireplace and removed their body parts and bared their souls to one another. When they were done they went out for milkshakes and french-sorry-freedom fries.The rest is history.