WHEN I GROW UP--I WANNA BE JUST LIKE ME!
...still the funniest mufukka that I know. haha
Just remember that when being you isn't working out...don't be yourself, be me. =]
A li'l Q&A:
Do you see a bus stop on the dils???
...why you waiting for a ride then?
The Air Force is just my part time job...I'm really a full time pimp on a budget
My mom says I was born with the mark of the beast..."sexsexsex" HOLLA!!
Let's see, we were measuring my wiener the other day and concluded that it's one size fits all. good news for you!
Dear Diary,
Today we closed off the deal with TY to start production of the fall line where they'll produce a replica of my wiener and market the plush toy as a Weenie Baby. These things are gonna be like STDs, or is it Pokemon(I can never tell the two apart anymore) but bottomline is you gotta catch 'em all...
FACT: Girls are deluded!
FACT: ...ALL OF THEM!!!
This ain't an optometry clinic, does it look like "eye" care?
So what?? So pay me for sex, you retard!! For three dollars. seriously. 2.99, visa, master card, and american express accepted...I`ll even take your effin` WIC checks, hah! We even carry change for foreign currencies, except thai currency...I DUN WAN TALK ABOUT IT. Well okay, basically, I thought this chick put some socks in her panties and long story short, I was wrong!! So no more thai shims!
you know how some girls bitch on this site and tell you what to do like they're your boss? i.e. "don't ask to be my friend without e-mailing first..." blah blah blah, but the ones that get me are the ones that go as far to tell you specifically what lines not to approach them with... i.e. "hey wut up, ma?" But then there's the hookers out there that try that isht on a dude, eg. me!
1. yo', if that line wouldn't work on you--why would it get you into my pants?
2. if you want to come at me with something like that, at least bring a six pack of red star
3. some of you might need a bottle of 151
4. and for the rest of you, whom I wouldn't voluntarily allow near me...you'd probably have to violate a restraining order and get pepper sprayed in the fce, but I noticed that the ugly ones are getting used to that, I might have to research investing in a tazer or electric cattle prod. A fishing rod would do to...give me some range and a little sting behind it.
my IQ looks like most of your SAT scores--word is bond. What more? Uhm, I guess I`m like the next typical cat. I`m young, I still like video games, sports, and I`m playful...but I`m tryin` to do things with more than just the urge to satisfy my urgent impulses, I`m trying to do things with foresight. Prepare for a prosperous future. Not just for financial wealth but for emotional wealth. Make some large emotional deposits and investments in some mutual trusts, you know the drill. No frontin`...
My penis is "the OTHER white meat"...
My last blind date`s seeing-eye dog bit me and I took that bitch on Judge Judy. Ladies and Gentleman, you're looking at a plaintiff who fought the norm and won. *struts*
"what are you doing with that machete? I didn`t know you wanted me to clean your room!!!"
-- Mom
...those are famous last words. R.I.P. Mom.
*lowers his head for a moment of respect*
My weiner`s shadow weighs eight kilograms.
The way to a man`s heart is through his freaking zipper
In messican wrestling--I am EL HUMAN TAMPON!!! Peep me on telemundo, y`all.
"MDMA...the secret to a sociopath`s love life"
"So uhm...want some sprite???" =]
is it still rape if she's too drunk to remember it???
I used to want to get into college...but mostly, these days, I`m just trying to get into girls` pants. I got my baccalaureate, I'm workin' on my Masters! I`ll take a scholarship to any charitable institutions...don`t necessarily mean I`ll be in attendance next semester though. So back off you community colleges among women. Most uhm, "institutions" gave me a 4.0 GPA. That's 4 great penis awards for you unscholarly.
Am I boyfriend material? Probably not!
Am I ex-boyfriend material though? Definitely so. fucking kids... Pretty girls like me, but fat chicks love me. Devil`s luck. I`m so irresistable and you didn`t even know it--how does that demented logic compute (I don`t know either...but it sure sounded clever when I was talkin` to myself).
you call it perverted--I call it creative humor..
Give 'em an inch and they'll want the other seven...so insatiable!
My girl was on Jerry Springer...classy. She was on the "my uncle passed my paternity test" episode. She has more eyes and ears than teeth...but hey, that`s how I get down...girls with disabilities, right up my alley.
yo`, is it just me or is the dating game just f.cking retarded? Who came up with the social rules? You know a female did and some sucker whipped dude just signed the dotted line for some pussy. haha! sucker ass cats. You know, I ain`t sayin` I`m the illest dude, but I`m damn sure thinkin` it!! besides the point, why do IIII have to step to a female? And why do IIII have to `sweep her off her feet` like some fairy tale prince charming you see in the movies, you know doesn't exist? Most of y'all know, better than well, people are frontin' the first time they meet somebody, tryin' to get put on with some facade. Prince Charming only happens on T.V. and if females think everything they see on T.V. is real. WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY, so I can take advantage of thos idiots. "Girl? I can make you a star! YES, REALLY! Step into my office...leave your pants at the door". If I had a nickel for everytime that line worked for me in the club...I'd have at least a dime. I`ll stake a firm bet that their mother did drugs while they were in the womb. I`m not talkin` about pussy drugs either, OD`ing on some tylenol m3 (haha, dumb phine) but some genetic altering shit like arsenic, (some good table of elements sh*t), good ol' fashioned house held chemicals, the kind you find under the sink with child proof caps on 'em. crack is a special olympic crowd favorite. Hurray for the Crack Test Dummies. Don`t be a lame--smoke dust...kill cops! dumb virgins! They're just as bad as sluts or gold diggers too...fuckin' prudes.
Do retards get better parking for being mentally handicapped? Could I borrow your sticker to go grocery shopping?? =D
Summary--don't copy your personality from premeditated movie, tv, or studio personalities. That's lame! Yo', yo', yo', check me out, I downloaded my whole personality MTV TRL, which we all know will be VH1's future where are they nows in like 18 months.
don't like fake girls, girls on tv look nice all air brushed with three hours of make up but when they come out the shower and look like gilbert gotfried with a wig...NO THANKS--I QUIT!!! I think it's lame when dudes expect girls to look like that, unrealistic dummies.
