Blastomatic Rad-o-meter - ProfilesArchive

About Me

Raised by a nurturing, yet deadly, pack of eunich wolfhounds, I managed to integrate myself somewhat successfully into this barrage of mostly inhuman waste we call humanity. This was no simple feat, I assure you! Imagine how the children stare and taunt when one licks their bottom shamelessly after an exhausting game of dodgeball during recess. I look back regretfully at the day those knicker-wearing European trophy hunters took my rare, exotic parents from me, how I growled and held fast to their ankles with my little girl teeth until I was clubbed upon my tiny skull and tasted the inside of a canvas sack for the very first time. I recall nothing until my 10th year, when the realization of my true identity as a ruthless homosapien washed over me with the shame and horror of a shart on the first date(that has never happened to me, but I imagine it to be most awful). Dreadful, but...I digress... It's been a wild ride. Now I tattoo under the mentorship of Cam and Margo Von Cook at Osborne Village Ink. I am also a published illustrator, lover of metal, rock n' roll, good natured folks, animals, and www.humanburger.com. Check it out...!!! Also... !!ALL PAINTINGS IN "LIMITED EDITION PRINTS" ALBUM and "MY PHOTOS" ALBUM ARE ORIGINALS. PRINTS AVAILABLE FOR SALE/POSSIBLE TRADE. COLLECTORS' 'LIMITED EDITION PRINTS' ARE SIGNED & NUMBERED!!... Description/cost: All prints are printed on highest quality photostock, 11 x 14. Cost is $40 each. Please specify which print(s) you would like to purchase when messaging me. Due to security issues, I no longer use Paypal but accept moneyorders (sorry for the inconvenience). Why support the corporate meat grinder when you could be supporting me instead? All proceeds go to funding the orphanage in my cellar and buying Little Timmy a safer well...

My Interests

Art/Tattoo related shenanigans, evolution of self, cockpunching metal shows, helping others help themselves, potty humour, well-timed wit, functioning beings with more than one head, good natured humans, the ever fascinating powers of the mind, etc.

I'd like to meet:

Artists, anyone who wants to pay me for making them stuff, and progressive, independent thinkers.

Music:

In no particular order...Diamanda Galas, Weird Al, Neil Diamond, Pungent Stench, Iron Maiden, Electric Eel Shock, Motorhead, Gwar, old Crue, old Metallica, Gogol Bordello, N.W.A., Slick Rick, W.A.S.P., Judas Priest, Putrescence, Mastadon, Tabla Beat Science, Peaches, Nasum, Suffocation, C'mon, Big Trouble In Little China, Slayer, Prague, Lynyrd Skynyrd, various musicals, Chopin/Mozart/Beethoven/Handel, some operatic/symphonic pieces, Stillevolke, EZ E,Sleipner, Arcana, Crotchduster, Turbo Negro, The Dead Milkmen, SNFU, Misery Index, Budgie, Jackson Phibes, Detroit Cobras, TransAm, Fucking Champs, Lou Reed, Kyuss, Leonard Cohen, Alice Cooper, Ulver, The Smiths, Electro Quarterstaff, Django Reinhardt, Bill Lanford and the Lanfordaires, Muddy Waters, Curtis Mayfield, Big Mama Thornton, Brutal Knights, The Smiths, Dead Can Dance, Pantera, Frank Sinatra...ETC.

Movies:

Dear Movies: I love you.

Television:

is not for me.

Books:

Everything I have time to read.

Heroes:

Those I hold in highest regard: My granny, my friends near and far, and everyone who has the courage to hold their head high and make their dreams a reality.

My Blog

SAFETY CRUSADERS

If the safety of children is of importance to you, or if you are interested in my own illustrative side projects, please check out this website... http://www.safetycrusaderspublishing.com/index.html ...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Tue, 01 Apr 2008 02:08:00 PST

Scrambled eggs in space

The stranger passes by, dead-eyed and ashen, holding a cardboard sign above his head. "Which way to the future?" is meticulously written in black Sharpie. I watch him pace slowly back and forth a...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Wed, 04 Jul 2007 11:09:00 PST

Talking Butts

Vaccuous was the young gypsy. Foolishly plundering in search of fill, finding instead more air with which to stuff her being. Oxygenating all iniquity lying in wait inside her. Upheaval of self,&...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Wed, 04 Jul 2007 10:03:00 PST

Chicken for Mantis

"What is it?" asked the Mantis, turning the smooth stone over in her weathered hands. "Why, it's a grand piano!" replied the exasperated chicken. "Do I have to explain EVERYTHING to you?!" "Ahem,...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Wed, 04 Jul 2007 06:35:00 PST

Watch My Stupid Video. Again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HMkaeloMDc And in other news: If anyone hears of masses of papparazzi mysteriously disappearing following a loud explosion, or the Yahoo execs responsible for inu...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Tue, 12 Jun 2007 05:04:00 PST

My hero

Stephen Harper, that masoginystic, misanthropic, bigoted, racist, dangerous, thieving, steaming turd is my new hero. That's right, I said it! I mean, hell, in a record short time he has simultaneously...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Wed, 29 Nov 2006 04:20:00 PST

Bunny Wabbits

Another haunted house? Fuck, this gets old. Ooooooh, howling wind wailing through the cracked window pane. So scary. Oh no, oh my, a candle hits the hardwood floor with a dull thud. No hands to help i...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Sat, 25 Nov 2006 11:52:00 PST

David And The Great Circumcision

Anal fissures in full swing, David's pain was unbearable. There was no doubt left in his mind that they had formed an alliance with the bulbous growths on his left testicle and the searing(yet su...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Sat, 11 Nov 2006 03:39:00 PST

Paradoxically speaking...

"How obscure IS it?", queried the the butterfly. "It's so enigmatic only an eye for such things can spot it. Only purity can experience it. Even I cannot feel it inside me, though I have lon...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 12:55:00 PST

Jack Smack

This is for smack talking ONLY. It is here where the magic happens, where lemonade turns to lemons and your beer glass is half empty(because I peed in it but you drank it anyway you silly drunk s...
Posted by Blastomatic Rad-o-meter on Wed, 08 Nov 2006 03:33:00 PST