Lorie

Profile courtesy of Free MySpace LayoutsMY STORY
~THE FALL FOR ACCEPTANCE~
I guess this part of my life starts after my graduation. I had never fallen in peer pressure and never felt the need for acceptance. We got a new pastor in the church even actually lived with us for a while until their house was ready. The pastor was a awesome worship leader but when thrown in the pastor position things began to change. I began hanging out more with this one friend and her friends instead of the kids from youth. Through different many events I got crushed by the pastor the youth pastor and others. I felt like the chair was kicked out from underneath me. I had always had my church friends and family to support me to be there. I was so lost and confused I begin running away from God because I forgot that its not about church or others christians its about U and God. I felt like I had been rejected by the ones closest to me. I had spent so much time with these new friends I had grown away from the others. I RAN! plain and simple! Not knowing where to turn or where to go. I fell right into the trap, not fitting in with anyother group because I never done anything that didn't have anything to do with church I began longing for that feeling again. I felt like I needed to fit in somewhere. Who was there to catch me The World. Open armed and ready to accept me for who I was. Even though these were the same people that thought I was a goody goody, they also knew they could bring me down to thier level. U know how in youth groups and I know if u have attended a youth group for a lil while U will know what I am talking about. Anyway the youth pastor will call a person up to help and I have seen this demonstrated so many ways. Where U have the christian up on a table or the top step of the stage and another on the floor or bottom and the christian trys to pull them up but instead they get pulled down. It is so true.
Well Anyway of course with this new group of friends, came sin and destruction. Things I have dealt with include:
* drugs/acohol * sex/rape * broken promises
* homosexuality/ lesbians friends * loss of great friends I pushed away * police * debt * fights * fear
I have had lots of things happen to me in the past few years and I will not go into detail of them because I believe everyone has a past.
~ LOOKING FOR HOPE~
So I guess I will start this part out with the fact that the whole time I was looking for hope and love it was waiting for me all along in the loving arms of God our father and our creator. I know that sometimes we look everywhere but up, but U know when U don't think there is anything left for U and U have rejected God and don't think he wants U back . U think to yourself who else would want U and if someone does act the least interested or slightest attention. U will do anything to keep their attention, just for the lil time that U can feel accepted and or loved. *with tears in my eyes* I want to begin this part of my story as the pain that blocked out for years. Not ever knowing if God or anyone else could ever love me again. God is so awesome. I blocked most of this period of my life out for the last 5 years bc of the pain it caused and the fear of feeling any emotions. through out theses year I worked at a daycare center. Children was my life. I worked all day and sometimes even brought them home with me due to different circumstances. I also lived with the mother of two of them for a short period of time and when the other mother moved in I was living with 4 kids that hold a place in my heart. I thought i was doing the right thing by giving the mothers the freedom that they had to do what they wanted and in return I got the acceptance I needed. I became close friends with the one and in the end of our friendship, she went through a bad time and left all parental rights to me. At the age of 19 1/2 I was left the care of a almost 1 yr old baby girl and a bueatiful 2 year old girl. I was at the time holding down 2 jobs to support everyone in the apartment. ( do I have the stories for that place LOL) I gave them to my mom who they are now offically adopted as my sisters. In between this time my grandmother who I loved so much was dying and I did everything to keep my mind off of it. I went to visit her more than most know and I kept myself high and distant from everyone b/c of the pain and rejection I felt from them. I blocked out her death and funeral. I became pretty much a zombie, a perosn walking around from day to day not evening knowing why I was still breathing. I was so empty and confused and hurt and rejected and unloved. I ended up back in my home for about maybe 2 weeks and another chapter begins when I move into what I think is a safe place. Except this time I get left with a excon stalker and a dog LOL that fall I enroll in a comp tech school wanting to start over. All through high school I had it set in my head I didn't need college b/c I was going to be a missionary so when I fell I thought I better make my own life. If U haven't guessed yet I get some of craziest roommates and have I mentioned in this story that I have a sign on my forehead that attracts everyone to tell me all the info I don't want to know but God has made me a good listener so I am all ears if u wanna chat sometime. Anyway my next roommate came with a boyfriend and to be honest after the whole adventure with her in that duplex. I think I would have rathered lived with him LOL I have been through just so much I would like to share but it would take a book or 2 or 3 of them to fit everything in so if u wanna know the details just ask me I am willing to share
MY STORY ~ UP TIL NOW~
Well lets see I moved back in with mom around christmas time. I have been here since I think the past roommates has scared me into getting another one LOL God has brought me back in his arms of grace and has been changing me ever since. I remember being invited to go to a prayer meeting about 2 years ago, I went not expecting anything to happen, actually kinda scared in the since I had started going back to church with mom but I had not returned to the father, I was still hurt and broken to think of him wanting me. Why would he want someone so broken and lost when he had plenty of people that stayed faithful to him. I know now that God doesn't care about what U have been through or what you have done He only cares about u. It has taken me along time to come to that point where I gave him everything and said if u can use this broken dirty vessel for ur glory than here I am. Thats all he wants he just wants u. I have been trying to fix everything myself and everytime I do I fail b/c I can not do it on my own but when I come to the father "just as I am" than he is faithful to show up and walk with me every step of everyday! I now walk with him and talk with him daily He has become my best friend! I am not going to tell U that it is not hard and that somedays feel way longer than others, but if U let him he will be there every step of the way.
GOD IS AWESOME!
HE WILL BLOW YOUR MIND, IF U LET HIM!
HE WILL ROCK YOUR WORLD AND TURN IT UPSIDE DOWN FOR HIM.
I AM A NEW CREATURE IN CHRIST!
LOVE YA ALL!
~LORIE~ Pimp My Profile