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It Wont Matteri am not the one you needyou will want mei will want youi will love youjust as you love mebut, you dont need mei dont want youto see me cryoh, yes, in time you will seeyou will know what i meanwhile im laying hereonly wanting to diei ask you not to love meit wont matter if you tryi will hurt youi will let you downas you read thisi am laying here waiting to dieI WOULD LIKE TO MEET NO ONE...IM A LONER..I HAVE A FEAR OF PEOPLE...SO IF YOU EVER SEE ME IN WALMART AND I TURN AROUND AND RUN THE OTHER WAY...THATS WHY...CAUSE YOU SCARED ME!!!!!BUT I WOULD LOVE TO MEET MARILYN MANSON!!!MY PRAYERnow i lay me down to sleep
i pray the lord,take my life
before i wake
if you should take me
before i wake,
tell my loved ones that
my soul is not worth to keepNow i lay me down to sleep
for which i dont have the faith
my life was not meant to bedear LORD,i am too weakAmen
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Buried at PhotoCasket.com~~I HAVE SEVERAL HEROES THAT ARE OR HAVE BEEN IN MY LIFE~~
FIRST OF ALL...ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO, I LOST THE PERSON THAT MEANT EVERYTHING TO ME...~MY GRANDMOTHER~..IT WAS A KIND OF FATE...I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE IT COULD HAVE BEEN...BESIDES BEING THE LAST CHANCE TO SHOW HER THAT ALL THESE YEARS, I WAS SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DID, THAT HURT HER...I GOT THAT CHANCE, AND I SHOWED HER WHAT I FELT DEEP DOWN, THAT I HID FROM MYSELF...BUT SHE ALREADY KNEW THAT..AS,I GOT OLDER,I GREW APART FROM HER...I ALWAYS FELT LIKE SHE WOULD ALWAYS BE HERE..I HAD NEVER LOST ANYONE TO DEATH THAT WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME....WE HAD TO PUT HER IN A NURSING HOME,I KNEW WHAT WAS GOIN ON BUT I WAS STILL NUMB..I HAD JUST GRADUATED FROM MEDICAL ASSISTING SCOOL....LOOKIN FOR A JOB...SHE WANTED ME TO WORK AT THE NURSING HOME..(MORE LESS, SHE TOLD ME I HAD TOO)..I BELIEVE SHE KNEW WHAT WAS COMING..) I TRIED SEVERAL MONTHS TO BE HIRED, HAD TO GO BACK AND RECERTIFY MY CNA...THE NEXT 7 MONTHS,I FINALLY, REALIZED THIS WAS MY LAST CHANCE...I TOOK CARE OF HER,THE WAY SHE DID ME..I TOLD HER I WAS SORRY,EVERYDAY, IT GOT EASIER FOR ME TO TELL HER THAT I LOVED HER....SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME...SHE LOVED ME THROUGH IT ALL...THE GOOD AND BAD OF MY LIFE..EVEN AT TIMES I WAS UNGRATEFUL...SHE NEVER HAVE SAID ANYTHING NEGEATIVE TO ME..WE SHARED A LOT OF MOMENTS,MY KIDS,OUR LOVE,OUR FEARS, AND SO MANY TEARS. I WOULD GET IN THE BED WITH HER,AND HOLD HER, THE WAY SHE USED TO DO WITH ME WHEN I WAS YOUNGER....IT GOT TO THE POINT...I WAS HAVING TO COMPLETELY CARE FOR HER...IT WAS HARD TO DO THAT...BUT I DID IT ANYWAYS, WITH MY LOVE AND SKILLS..I WAS ALWAYS THERE..EVEN WHEN I WAS OFF MY SHIFT AT WORK..I WILL NEVER FORGET--SHE WOULD FORGET HER OWN KIDS NAMES AND FACES--AND NOT UNDERSTAND...EVERYDAY I WAS THERE...SHE WOULD BE SITTING UP BY THE NURSES DESK...SHE WOULD LOOK SO LOST....WHEN SHE WOULD SEE ME..HER EYES WOULD LIGHT UP..I WOULD GIVE HER A BIG HUG AND ASK HER.." DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"..SHE WOULD TOUCH MY FACE AND SAY "I SURE DO"..I WOULD ASK HER "WELL, WHO AM I?"...SHE WOULD SAY "YOU ARE MY SPECIAL GIRL"...I KNEW WHEN IT WAS TIME..FOR HER TO GO...I TOLD HER IT WAS OK..I WOULD MISS HER, I TOLD HER HOW MUCH I LOVED HER..SHE PASSED AWAY...WITH ALL HER FAMILY IN THE ROOM...IT WAS EASIER ON ME....I GOT THE GREATEST GIFT THAT NO ONE ELSE DID.....I WAS ALWAYS THERE,I ALLOWED HER TO TOUCH MY SOUL..AND I DIDN'T PUSH HER AWAY...I HAD THAT LAST CHANCE..I TOOK IT.....IT'S STILL HARD, BUT ATLEAST I CAN LIVE WITH MYSELF, KNOWING WHAT I DONE FOR HER...AND ME..~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE OTHER HEROES IN MY LIFE~..MY KIDS..
EVERYTHING HAS NOT BEEN PERFECT AND I REALIZE IT MAY NEVER BE...BUT THEY ARE THE REASON I KEEP TRYING TO BETTER MYSELF, FOR THEM...THEY GIVE ME THE REASON TO CARRY ON WITH WHAT LIFE I HAVE LEFT..~