The Tour de France. 16-ton weights. Hanging out by the pier, where the men dress as ladies. Bolivian storage jars. Eating buttered scones and going shopping (Wednesdays only). Hen-teasing. Painting whilst cycling. Saying "Ee ecky thump!" Curing virginity. Spiders in matchboxes. All-out cricket. Vole strangling. Putting things on top of things. Huge tracts of land. Watney's Red Barrel. Having one off the wrist. Spotting camels, yetis, and loonies. Staying at Gleneagles Hotel. Investing in North Malden. Protecting my secret identity as mild-mannered F.G. Superman...oh, what a giveaway.
I'd like to meet:
Reg Pither, the Rachel Toovey Bicycle Choir, Michael Ellis, Colin "Chopper" Mozart, Ken Shabby, Michael Lapin, Dennis Moore, the "It's" man, Teddy Salad, Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson, Gervais Brook-Hampster, Mr Smoke-Too-Much, Superintendent Harry H "Snapper" Organs, Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-ole-bisc
uitbarrel, Arthur Lemming of the BDA, Wombat Harness, Deirdre Pewty, the Minister of Silly Walks, Ken Clean-Air Systems, Alan Whicker, Luigi Vercotti, RJ Gumby, TF Gumby, Mr Akwekwe, Stig O'Tracey, S Frog, Ron Obvious, ideal loons, Mr & Mrs & Mrs Zambesi, Dickie Hilter, Reginald Bimmler, Ron Vibbentrop, kamikaze Scotsmen, Awesome Amy (the Pilates Princess), Jamie the dancer/model/not-barista/talent agent/mommy-to-be/wife number 1, Colleen the dentist/wife number 2, Emily the loony/mistress number 1, Maurice Zatapathique, Nigel Incubator-Jones, Chief Inspector Lookout (of Scotland Yard), OK lumberjacks, Arthur Figgis, the Spanish Inquisition (?)(I wasn't expecting that...!)
adopt your own virtual pet!
Music:
the Fish Slapping Dance, Every Sperm Is Sacred, the Spam song, Do Wot John, Bing-Tiddle-Tiddle-Bong, Diva's Lament, Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life, Knights of the Round Table (the Camelot song), I've Got Two Legs, Timmy! (and the Lords of the Underworld).
MySpace Contact Tables
Movies:
Breaking Away, The Black Eagle, The Bishop, Brazil, A Fish Called Wanda, Fierce Creatures, A Short History of Motor Traffic Between Purley and Esher, The Story of EBW343, La Fromage Grande, Dr E Henry Thripshaw's Disease, Erizabeth L (by Signor Luchino Visconti), Buckets of Blood Pouring Out of People's Head (starring John Wayne)
Television:
Ripping Yarns, The Goodies, Fawlty Towers, Tony M. Nyphot's Flying Risccu, Mr. Bean, Thirteen Weeks of Off-Spin Bowling, Do Not Adjust Your Set, Up Your Pavement, Dad's Pooves, Red Dwarf, PBS, The Young Ones, American Dreams, (not a TV show but) the penguin on top of the telly
Books:
Ethel The Aardvark Goes Quantity Surveying, Biggles Flies Undone, Biggles Combs His Hair, dirty Hungarian phrasebook, Kemal Ataturk - the Man, Hello Sailor, Raising Gangsters For Fun + Profit, Gay Boys In Bondage (by W Shakespeare), Piggies On Parade, Olson's Book of Standard British Birds (the unexpurgiated version), Income Tax Comics, A Good Old-fashioned Future (by Bruce Sterling).
Heroes:
Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter-crasscrenbon-fried-digger-dingl
e-dangle-dongle-dungle-burstein-von-knacker-thrasher-apple-b
anger-horowitz-ticolensic-grander-knotty-spelltinkle-grandli
ch-grumblemeyer-spelterwasser-kurstlich-himbleeisen-bahnwage
n-gutenabend-bitte-ein-nürnburger-bratwustle-gersputen-mitz
-weimache-luber-hundsfut-gumberaber-schönedanker-kalbsfleis
ch-mittler-aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm. And JL Gates. And C Fitzgerald.
