Dammit! Jacqui profile picture

Dammit! Jacqui

try to catch the deluge in a paper cup.

About Me


"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death." Anais Nin, "Winter of Artifice"
I'm not sure there's much to know about me. I'm short and clumsy and I bite my nails. I'm a "damn liberal." I read everything that I can get my hands on, and I have this compulsive need to finish even the worst books. I have panic attacks over things like public speaking and interviewing strangers, which makes my journalism education sort of useless. I'm nervous and shy and I overanalyze everything. I'm a good friend as long as you don't expect me to talk about myself. I keep most people at arm's length and i've learned from experience that it's the closest i can get without retreating. I have a strong dislike for vapid, stupid, apathetic people. I'm a politics and current-events junkie. I like Riesling, WoW, and drinking cheap vodka with my friend Ana. I love trivia and have tons of random useless facts floating around in my head. I can't do math and once, in high school, I scored as almost-retarded on the portion of the IQ test that required me to put together puzzles. Seriously. My verbal score was high, but I couldn't put together an 8 piece puzzle. I'm impatient and easily distracted when it comes to hands-on tasks. I do tend to judge people by their taste in music (and I'm fully aware of what a snob that makes me). I like rainy days, cherry cloves, Macs, good conversation, watching horror movies at 3 am with my friends, documentaries, Vanity Fair, good song covers, controversial art, the constitution, lipgloss, historical nonfiction, poetry, cooking, serial commas, flip flops, and italian sodas.
Clementine: Too many guys think I'm a concept, or I complete them, or I'm gonna make them alive. But I'm just a fucked-up girl who's lookin' for my own peace of mind; don't assign me yours.
Joel: I remember that speech really well.
Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?
Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.
[Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind]

My Interests

good books, good music, good friends (and occasionally bad ones), vodka, laughing at inappropriate moments, otters, angst, Steven Weber, flipflops, lipgloss, Hank's, conversations with cabdrivers, facebook-stalking people with Ana while drinking copious amounts of cranberry & vodkas, victory laps, politics, writing, apple computers, travel

I'd like to meet:

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”
- Fyodor Dostoevsky


i love these people.

Music:

"Music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together." - Anais Nin

10,000 Maniacs, Annie Lennox, The Beautiful South, The Doves, Pulp,Tori Amos, Ani Difranco, Modest Mouse, The Cure, Gin Blossoms, Nirvana, Iron & Wine, The Postal Service, Deathcab For Cutie, Grateful Dead, The Beatles, Damien Rice, INXS, Ivy, Jeff Buckley, Elliott Smith, Jem, The Killers, Ladytron, older Liz Phair, Massive Attack, Mazzy Star, Nick Drake, The Shins, Cat Power, Rilo Kiley, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Beth Orton, Neutral Milk Hotel, Red House Painters, Sigur Ros, Weezer, Guster, Scissor Sisters, PJ Harvey, Ted Leo & The Pharmacists, Imogen Heap, Franz Ferdinand, The Arcade Fire, Cursive, The Doors, Sublime, Aimee Mann, Sarah Brightman, Badly Drawn Boy, Beastie Boys,Cake, Beck, The Darkness, Depeche Mode, Echo & The Bunnymen, Duran Duran, Granddaddy, Hem, Joni Mitchell, Kate Bush, The Juliana Theory, Keane, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Moby, Cowboy Junkies, Nine Inch Nails, OKGO, Ozma,Rasputina, Rufus Wainwright, the Pixies, Poe, Snow Patrol, Ryan Adams, the Sundays, David Bowie, Wilco, Violent Femmes, Veruca Salt, Van Morrison, Tom Petty, They Might Be Giants, Thievery Corporation, Talking Heads, The Sundays, Songs Ohia, Portishead, the Pixies, Pete Yorn, Peter Gabriel, Velvet Underground, Rolling Stones, Mazzy Star...an eclectic mix.

Movies:

Fight Club, Secretary, Kissing Jessica Stein, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite, the LOTR trilogy, the original Star Wars trilogy, Jawbreaker, Bound, Gia, Girl Interrupted, Spun, Little Miss Sunshine, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Pirates of the Caribbean, Election, A Tale of Two Sisters, Saved, The Proposition, Clerks, Chasing Amy, Mallrats, Dogma, High Fidelity, tons more than I can remember right now. I love movies, mostly indie and Japanese horror.

Television:

Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Alias, Scrubs, 24, Lost, Buffy, Angel, Smallville, Sealab 2021, X-Files, Battlestar Galactica, Nip/Tuck, Rescue Me, The Office (both UK & US versions), My Name Is Earl, Project Runway, Prison Break, King of the Hill, Family Guy, Squidbillies...yeah, I watch a lot of tv.

Books:

""I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in life. And I am horribly limited. - Sylvia Plath
"You despise books; you whose lives are absorbed in the vanities of ambition, the pursuit of pleasure or indolence; but remember that all the known world, excepting only savage nations, is governed by books." - Voltaire
I am a voracious reader. I can't even begin to list the books I own, much less the ones I've read, and to pick favorites would be entirely impossible. I'll read anything once, and if it's good I'll inevitably read it so many times it falls apart. My bookshelf actually collapsed earlier this week from the weight of too many books - so that should tell you something about me.

Heroes:

"You know, if it wasn't 7:30 in the morning, I would have a drink." --Ava Gardner.
"I tell you, I'm the mad sister, family problem, the one they don't speak about." --Katharine Hepburn.
"In my heart, I think a woman has two choices: either she's a feminist or a masochist." —Gloria Steinem
"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay." - Madonna

My Blog

in time (you will learn)

these days passlike smokeintangibledrifting between my outstretched fingersseparating into silver threadsthat wash through - wash overme
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Mon, 28 May 2007 10:55:00 PST

and what am I, darlin'? your biggest mistake?

I miss. I long. I crave. I wish. I love. I hate. I live. I die. I live. I listen. I cry. I write.I miss.I miss.I miss. 
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Sun, 27 May 2007 11:35:00 PST

what i am to you is not real

I feel so STRANGE lately. My emotions are numbed - but I know how I SHOULD feel, and so I try desperately to FEEL that.  It's like there's a thick fuzzy blanket between me and the rest of the wor...
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Sun, 27 May 2007 11:10:00 PST

a random survey for my blog

1. Were you smiling when you woke up this morning?yes :-) because I woke up at NOON.2. When is the last time you met someone new?hmmm....Last Thursday, I think.3. What is irritating you now?a few thin...
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Sat, 26 May 2007 10:39:00 PST

I've got a lump in my throat the size of a house.

No, seriously; it's painful to swallow and it feels like there's a large lump in the right half of my throat. This isn't the first time I've felt this, but it's particularly bad tonight...I looked it ...
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Fri, 25 May 2007 11:59:00 PST

things that I am loving right now:

      ...
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Thu, 24 May 2007 06:30:00 PST

*sigh*

Work is not busy at all today....and I'm sitting here, reading through some old e-mails getting nostalgic. Why can't I ever delete stuff? I hold onto everything - memories, relationships - even BEYOND...
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Tue, 22 May 2007 07:32:00 PST

I LOVE MORNINGS.

(no, not really)
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Tue, 22 May 2007 06:38:00 PST

Last night....

I danced, I sang, I laughed, I cried. I did all this with some of my favorite people in the world. it's been a good weekend.:)
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Mon, 21 May 2007 08:25:00 PST

you don't show much these days - it gets so fucking cold.

up too late tonight and thinking too much. I always overthink everything - was that reaction genuine? Am I being myself or what I know you expect of me? I think it's a little of both, most of the time...
Posted by DAMMIT! Jacqui on Sun, 20 May 2007 01:31:00 PST