Keith profile picture

Keith

Never hold a grudge, a grudge is a place to park your car

About Me

Hello, my name's Keith and I will be your waiter tonight. Tall, dark, some hands and some feet. You are right by the way, it is me, I was in the Lassie films, I played the lead, I was also in the Black Beauty film, but we didnt get along, he was a bit of a dark horse. I used to be a cabinet maker, but all the books used to fall off, Ive only my shelf to blame. I also invented Tippex, correct me if Im wrong. I used to live on the third floor of a block of flats, then I moved to the fifth , but thats another storey. I went to buy a violin, the man asked 'Do you want a bow with that?', I replied, 'Dont bother wrapping it'. Ive always wanted a camouflage jacket but I can never find them. My life is great but then there are somedays when I wake up, I get out of my haddock bed, take off my pilchard jim jams, put on my tuna suit, put some cod liver oil in my hair and I think 'Life Stinks'. I enjoy a good film too, I was told you can always tell a good film by the number of tissues you go through. I used to live in a tyre but then I got a flat. Someone once smashed a vase over my head shouting 'T'pau', I said 'Dont you mean Kapow', they said 'No, Ive China in my hand'. I am back and forth to the doctors with complaints, the doctor said that I had hypochondria, to which I replied 'Not that as well'. I used to sell flowers and do marathons, so when people saw me, they shouted 'Run Florist Run'. Ive always wanted to go to France, Ive heard its great on the Eurostar but Murder on the Orient Express. Ive put a bit of weight on lately, but then again Ive had a lot of my plate. Plus I like to dress off the peg, until the neighbours started taking their washing in. I once dreamt I wrote Lord of the Rings but I found I was just Tolkein in my sleep.

Myspace Layouts at Pimp-My-Profile.com / Rubber duckie


K Klever
E Edukated
I In about tea time
T Triffic
H Hunky
Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.comclick here
to change your
.. now icon..
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Keith
Birthday: 1 November
Birthplace: Lancashire, UK
Current Location: Clare, Ireland
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Black
Height: 6 ft
Right Handed or Left Handed: Right
Your Heritage: English/Irish
The Shoes You Wore Today: Trainers
Your Weakness: Chocolate
Your Fears: Dying too young
Your Perfect Pizza: chicken and bacon
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: To stay happy and healthy
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: cosmic
Thoughts First Waking Up: Have I wet the bed again
Your Best Physical Feature: botty
Your Bedtime: Not too early, not too late
Your Most Missed Memory: When I first learned how to tap dance, then I fell in the sink
Pepsi or Coke: coke
McDonalds or Burger King: BK, even tho Ive been sick off both
Single or Group Dates: I prefer fig rolls
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: dont drink tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: dont drink coffee
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: I try not to
Do you Sing: no but when I take my shoes off I hum
Do you Shower Daily: yes, even if Im not dirty
Have you Been in Love: no
Do you want to go to College: been there done that
Do you want to get Married: dont know
Do you belive in yourself: I hope so
Do you get Motion Sickness: no
Do you think you are Attractive: no
Are you a Health Freak: no, just a freak
Do you get along with your Parents: yes
Do you like Thunderstorms: they are ok
Do you play an Instrument: banjo and spoons
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: yes
In the past month have you Smoked: no
In the past month have you been on Drugs: If you count a Vicks Chest Rub
In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes, she was a moose
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: what are oreos?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no, but Ive eaten a fish with no eye, it was a fsh
In the past month have you been on Stage: The world is my stage
In the past month have you been Dumped: no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: no
Ever been Drunk: yes
Ever been called a Tease: Im one big tease
Ever been Beaten up: no
Ever Shoplifted: when I was a kid
How do you want to Die: saving a young child falling off a cliff or falling through a trap door....when they hang me
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: old
What country would you most like to Visit: South Africa
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: blue
Favourite Hair Color: brown
Short or Long Hair: long
Height: shorter than me but not a munchkin
Weight: not too chubby
Best Clothing Style: dont want a label chaser
Number of Drugs I have taken: none
Number of CDs I own: a few
Number of Piercings: none
Number of Tattoos: none
Number of things in my Past I Regret: none, its all trial and error
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Interests

Ive started writing a book, Ive written all the page numbers in, Ive just got to fill the rest in. I like to cook now and again, my speciality being Korean Meatballs, now they are the dogs bollocks. I do like to enter competitions, in fact only last week I won a whole years supply of Marmite, one jar. I do like my kipper tie but sometimes I have a mug of coffee instead (Only Brummies might get that one). I did used to be a Deep Sea Diver but I couldnt take the pressure.I did once write a Musical,it was the underwater version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I called it Ringing in the Seine. I like to climb into small suitcases, I can hardly contain myself plus I like to make sponge doors, hey dont knock them. I like to go most places with my step ladder, I dont get on with my real ladder. Im against hunting too, in fact Im a hunt saboteur, I go out the night before and kill the fox.

I'd like to meet:

Anyone with a sense of humour,I do like ladies who remind me of cheetah's as Im always trying to pull a fast one but I dont want to travel by boat to meet you especially when there is lamb and pork meat pieces in the water, I dont like it too choppy. Plus Im not into ladies who try to scare me , thats taboo ( I will wait on that one),or graphic designers, I draw the line at that one and Im not too keen who want to use me as a wooden crossing from one field to another, thats not my style. Plus I like ladies who look like pepper pots , take that as a condiment.

Music:

The Birdie Dance by The Tweets, Ive just managed to learn the dance, hope they still play it at weddings. What Are We Going To Get For Er Indoors by George Cole and Denis Waterman....a classic. Tina Charles and I Love to Love, just start singing it at work, you will have everybody humming it by the end of the day. Hands Up by Ottowan, that always gets me out on the dance floor and the animal inside me takes over, which is usually a ferret in my trousers.

Movies:

The Taking of Pelham 123, All the Presidents Men, The Pelican Brief, Dead Men Dont Wear Plaid, That Sinking Feeling, The Quiet Man, The Committments, The Godfather, Paint Your Wagon, Dr.Zhivago, Intermission ,The Castle (for the serenity and the vibes).

Television:

Podge and Rodge, Dustins Daily News, Never Mind the Buzzcocks, Top Gear, All Aussie Adventurer, Kath and Kim, Blackadder Goes Forth, No Angels,Fr Ted, The Smoking Room, Come West Along the Road.

Books:

A Star Called Henry by Roddy Doyle, Angela's Ashes and Tis by Frank McCourt, Lionel Ritchie and the Wardrobe.

Heroes:

Merv Hughes for that tache. Shane Warne for that leg break ball against Mike Gatting of England (I was there, my claim to fame), Goat Peter from Heidi (what did Hopla mean exactly).